There are few things that break a mother’s heart more than watching her adult child walk away from the faith she worked so hard to pass on.

You prayed for that child before they were born. You rocked them to sleep singing worship songs. You drove them to church, youth group, and Bible studies. You asked God to protect their heart and guide their future. And now they want nothing to do with the faith that once shaped their life.

When this happens, heartbreak isn’t the only emotion that shows up. Self-condemnation creeps in. What did I do wrong?  Fear takes hold. What will become of them?

Before long, our posture toward our child begins to change. We slip into fix-it mode. We scrutinize their decisions. Conversations feel tense and loaded. We may grow critical, guarded, or quietly resentful. Bitterness can begin to replace the tenderness we once felt so naturally.

It’s understandable. A wounded heart often tries to protect itself. But what if this response pulls us further away from the kind of love our child needs most?

I’ll never forget the night I babysat newborn Wren so her parents, my daughter Keziah and her husband Forrest, could sneak away for a quiet dinner. Before they left, Keziah nursed her, and I gently swaddled that sweet baby and laid her on her side in the cozy Moses basket beside me on the couch. I couldn’t take my eyes off her tiny pug nose, that silky dark hair; she looked so much like her momma.

Those who know your name trust in you, for you, O Lord, do not abandon those who search for you. -Psalm 9:10

No mom wants to be a control freak, yet when we step back and observe our behavior, we often find that we desperately want to influence the outcomes in our adult children's lives. We struggle to remember we need to move from controlling to supporting.

What does it mean to let go? What are the consequences if we don’t?

Mel Robbins, author of the popular new book Let Them, suggests that we’ll experience greater freedom and peace by acknowledging our inability to control others or their actions. It encourages a shift in mindset where we focus on our reactions instead of trying to micromanage people.

For a mom with adult children, this means we will find significant peace when we let them make their own choices while we focus more on our response. We can’t or shouldn’t control their choices because they’re grown now. The only thing we can control is how we respond to their choices.  We give them freedom while we choose to remain at peace. This looks like active listening and empathy rather than correcting or trying to sway opinions.

We hold our grown children loosely, trusting in God.