The August sun beat down as we unloaded our overpacked cars and schlepped box after box to the third floor of my daughter's dorm. The sidewalks buzzed with nervous freshmen and parents carrying lamps, mini-refrigerators, bedding, and everything else that somehow didn't fit into a single vehicle. Everyone was smiling, but beneath the excitement lingered something heavier.

Our youngest daughter, Keziah, couldn't have been happier. She carefully unpacked her favorite things while her dad wrestled the refrigerator up three flights of stairs and lofted her bed. We arranged fluffy throw pillows on her futon, tucked little plants onto the windowsill, and admired the cozy room she'd soon call home. A warm breeze drifted through the open window, and for a moment everything felt just right.

We grabbed Chick-fil-A, made one last Target run, and returned to her room for a final look around. We didn't want to hover or make the goodbye harder than it already was. She sat on her futon, looked around her room with a smile, and simply said, "I think I'm ready."

She was.

I wasn't.

Launching is a normal and necessary part of life with our young adult children, but what happens when they don’t want to leap into the great big world?

I’m not talking about kids who can’t launch due to health issues or developmental delays. I’m talking about the ones who won’t launch. The ones who seem perfectly content letting you make the decisions, pay the bills, and carry the weight of their adult responsibilities.

Those who know your name trust in you, for you, O Lord, do not abandon those who search for you. -Psalm 9:10

No mom wants to be a control freak, yet when we step back and observe our behavior, we often find that we desperately want to influence the outcomes in our adult children's lives. We struggle to remember we need to move from controlling to supporting.

What does it mean to let go? What are the consequences if we don’t?

Mel Robbins, author of the popular new book Let Them, suggests that we’ll experience greater freedom and peace by acknowledging our inability to control others or their actions. It encourages a shift in mindset where we focus on our reactions instead of trying to micromanage people.

For a mom with adult children, this means we will find significant peace when we let them make their own choices while we focus more on our response. We can’t or shouldn’t control their choices because they’re grown now. The only thing we can control is how we respond to their choices.  We give them freedom while we choose to remain at peace. This looks like active listening and empathy rather than correcting or trying to sway opinions.

We hold our grown children loosely, trusting in God.