In our younger years, many of us carried a quiet ache in our faith. We felt behind, frustrated, or even condemned by our lack of discipline, devotion, or desire. We wondered if something was wrong with us. Were our longings selfish? Were we immature because we didn’t always crave long hours in the Word the way other women seemed to?

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.” -Ecclesiastes 3:1

For most Christian moms, the wave of grief that follows launching a child is both unexpected and overwhelming, but it is completely normal. Overnight, the rhythm of daily life changes. The children who once filled the home with laughter, questions, and late-night snack raids are no longer near. Instead, longing creeps in. Moms find themselves wishing for just one more ordinary day of packing lunches, hearing the front door slam, or tripping over backpacks in the hallway.

The silence is deafening. Walking past a child’s empty bedroom can trigger a flood of tears, memories, and a painful awareness that life will never look quite the same. Moms who once felt confident in their role suddenly feel shaky, disoriented, and unsure of their purpose.

This tender ache has a name: transitional grief. It’s the emotional valley between what was and what is still becoming. The good news? It’s a season, not a life sentence. With honesty, healthy coping, and God’s grace, moms can move through this grief and discover new peace and purpose on the other side.

Now let’s unpack transitional grief: what it is, how to identify it, how to cope with it, and why trusting God makes all the difference.

Many Christian midlife moms silently wrestle with the idea of setting boundaries, especially when it comes to their adult children. We’ve been conditioned to believe that boundaries are harsh, unloving, or even a form of punishment for a child who’s struggling.

Church culture often reinforces the message that a godly woman should always sacrifice, always say yes, and always put her family first, no matter the cost. Over time, this well-meaning belief can lead to exhaustion, resentment, and relationships that feel anything but healthy.

But here’s the truth: the way you love your children needs to mature as they do.

When they were little, love looked like meeting their every need, late-night cuddles, scraped knees, and lunchboxes packed with care. But now that they’re adults, love looks different. It looks like wisdom, respect, and healthy boundaries.

As Christian counselor Leslie Vernick says, “Boundaries aren’t to push people away, but to create the space where love can grow safely.”

Setting boundaries isn’t selfish. It’s not unkind. It may be one of the greatest gifts we can offer our adult child, because boundaries pave the way for respect, growth, and lasting connection. Let’s look at six reasons why setting boundaries is a gift to our adult children.

As summer fades and a new season approaches, many moms find themselves standing at the edge of one of the most emotional and transformative milestones of motherhood: launching a child into adulthood. Whether your son or daughter is heading to college, joining the military, starting a job, moving into their own place, or taking a gap year to explore the world, this season requires deep courage, wisdom, and a willingness to let go.

Every launch looks different, but one thing remains the same: your role as mom is shifting. And navigating that shift with grace doesn’t just happen; it takes intentionality. Here are six powerful tips to help you release well, support wisely, and stay grounded in your faith as your child steps into their future.

“When I am afraid, I will trust in You. “ -Psalm 56:3

Letting go of control and trusting God with our adult children can be one of the hardest things for moms, especially if we’ve spent years nurturing, guiding, and praying for them.

When we’re honest, no mom wants to raise her hand and admit, “Yeah, I’m a complete control freak when it comes to my kids.” We bristle and like to avoid reality, but at our core, many of us struggle with being in charge.

It showed up in our hovering, intervening, and desiring never to see our children struggle or fail. We continually rescued them from their poor choices or trials, and hoped it would improve. 

Now that they’re grown, we struggle with worry and sleepless nights, wondering if they’re doing okay emotionally, relationally, spiritually, financially, and academically. We hope they pick the right mate, land the perfect job, and stroll through life unscathed. 

In her book, It’s All Under Control, Jennifer Dukes Lee said, “You may need to let go of that deluded belief that if you worry about something enough, it will resolve itself.” Goodness, that one hits us in the gut, doesn’t it? Worry is delusion. Nothing good ever comes of worry except that we lose our peace. It doesn’t change anything for our adult child’s life. It simply makes us miserable.

We feel the pull to rescue, advise, and influence their choices, but we are called to trust God.

This season is a beautiful invitation into deeper faith.

“Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.” -Galatians 1:10

People-pleasing feels like a trap that we can’t escape. 

We lose ourselves in trying to make our grown kids happy. We become small. Resentment builds, and then our relationships feel tense. We wonder why we’re tired and discontent. 

Prayer is the way we can step away from pleasing. 

As we commune with God through everyday conversation of talking and listening for His voice, we are infused with His strength.

When we bow low, the Sovereign Lord is allowed to rule and reign in every situation. We exchange our weakness and are infused with power to act differently.

Our perspective shifts when we talk to God, and we desire to please Him more than our family. The Holy Spirit enables us to set boundaries and honor God with our surrendered hearts.

No girl dreams of growing up as a people pleaser, but many do. 

Christian women are taught to be helpful, serve, and support others. That’s great, but often, a mom gets lost in it all. She feels bitter, cheated, and inauthentic from trying to keep everyone in the family happy.

She put others’ needs before her own. This mom feels spread paper-thin and wonders why resentment constantly simmers under the surface.

There is a high cost of keeping the peace.

Let’s define it. People-pleasing is the desire to be agreeable, not create waves, and bring peace to our families. It seems innocent enough, but often, pleasing is driven by a sense of insecurity. It makes a mom feel needed and valued. She longs for her family’s approval, but she loses herself in the process.

People-pleasing can have a significant impact on moms with adult children, especially in the empty nest season. Here’s how it can play out and why it can be so draining:

Do you have a vision for the kind of mother-in-law you want to be?

 It’s common to see mother-in-laws portrayed as controlling, easily offended, and judgmental. What a heartbreaking perspective. It doesn’t have to be that way.

As a Christian mother-in-law, your role is to be a loving, supportive presence, not a source of tension or control. This requires intentionality and grace towards yourself as you learn this new role.

Here are some key things NOT to do if you want to build a strong, God-honoring relationship with your child’s spouse:

1. Don’t Compete for Your Child’s Loyalty

You are not in competition with your child’s spouse. Once your child is married, their spouse becomes their priority. You are willing to step aside as your child clings to their mate. This is God’s good plan for marriage as laid out in Genesis 2:24, “Leave his father and mother and cling to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”

"That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh"- Genesis 2:24

Navigating the changing dynamics of family life can be both beautiful and challenging. As your child enters a serious relationship and eventually chooses a spouse, your role as a mom shifts in meaningful ways. It’s a transition filled with opportunities to grow in love, grace, and wisdom.

You set the tone in your relationship with your daughter- or son-in-law from the beginning. Your words, actions, and heart posture toward them can either build a bridge of unity or create walls of distance. This new chapter requires intentionality and humility, but it also holds the potential for deep, lasting relationships that bless generations.

Let’s explore how you can be a positive, loving presence that strengthens your child’s marriage, honors God’s design for families, and ultimately brings you greater peace and joy.

You Set the Tone

You set the tone in your relationship with your daughter- or son-in-law. When your child gets serious about a relationship, you must guard how you respond to their potential mate. One critical or judgmental comment can produce wariness for your child’s future spouse.

Be mindful of your words. Therapist Heather Bjur recommends that you have one hundred percent positive regard for your child’s spouse. If you have a problem with something your child’s mate does, you take it up with God and continue to be a loving presence. You are not responsible for your child’s spouse's behavior, but you are responsible for yourself. Choose wisely, momma.

Can we talk?

It seems like an easy question, but moms and their adult children often feel frustrated with each other when they want to communicate. Multiple barriers can keep these treasured family members from communicating effectively.

Moms understand things have changed, but why does talking to your grown kids often feel like we miss each other completely? One feels misunderstood, while the other feels disrespected. Tension rises while kids want to retreat. Mom feels rejected, and each party hurts. There’s got to be a better way.

Knowing the barriers to watch out for can help you adjust accordingly so that the conversation flows easily. Let’s look at some obstacles and ways to overcome them.

1. Unspoken Expectations

Moms may expect certain behaviors (like regular check-ins, holiday traditions, or faith practices) without clearly expressing them, while adult children may have different priorities.

Solution: Expectations lead to disappointment, so listening to what your adult child needs in this season is helpful. Flexibility combined with grace will aid in deeper understanding.

2. Shifting Roles & Boundaries

It’s tough to transition from a parent-child dynamic to an adult-to-adult relationship. Moms may struggle to step back while their adult children want independence. The tension is palpable as each is learning their new role.

Solution: Accept this is a season of supporting your child instead of dictating how they live. Allow them to be autonomous. Your child is meant to stand on their own as they navigate adulthood.

"Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person"- Colossians 4:6

Careless Words

Bridgett busied herself in the kitchen as her son, Ian, was home from his senior year in college. He plopped down on the kitchen stool, heavy-hearted and stressed. Bridgett barely noticed her son’s downtrodden appearance. “School sucks, and I don’t think I can finish,” Ian said. 

“Oh, come on, you’ll be fine; it’s just finals stress. Everyone has it; you’ll get through it like I did 25 years ago. Buck up, Buddy, you’ll be fine,” Bridgett commented as she prepped the chicken for dinner.  Ian slouched on the stool, grabbed his backpack and coat, then slinked off to his bedroom. On his way up the stairs, Ian whispered, “Thanks a lot, Mom. Thanks for always making it about you.” 

“Sheesh,” Bridgett thought “That kid is such a baby. When will he ever grow up?”

As moms, we love our adult children deeply, and we want to stay connected with them. But sometimes, the words we say—often with good intentions—can create distance instead of drawing us closer. 

Without even realizing it, we might make them feel guilty, criticized, or like they’ll never quite measure up. If we want to have strong, healthy relationships with our adult kids, we must be mindful of what we say (and how we say it!). 

Here are ten phrases to avoid:

• You could call me sometime, ya know!

• Did you go to church this week?

• You should…!

• I thought you would have…!

• I just know how you are.

• Why can’t you put your phone down?

• You can’t move away from me!

• When are you going to get a real job?

• How much did you spend on that?

• I can’t drive that far to see you.

Communication can strengthen a marriage or create distance, especially in the empty nest season. After years of parenting, many couples find themselves struggling to reconnect in meaningful ways. Without kids in the house, conversations can feel routine or worse—strained. 

We must rebuild trust and connection through meaningful communication as we settle into our empty nest marriages. There are many advantages to this season of life. We have freedom in our schedules as we’re not schlepping kids around anymore. We have years of shared history that bind us together. Let’s celebrate what God has done through the years.

We need an extra measure of grace and honesty from each other. It’s okay to say to our husbands, “I miss us. I miss the closeness we used to have. I want to be better together. Can we work on this?

God’s Plan for Marriage

 God designed marriage to be a lifelong partnership filled with love, grace, and understanding. If you and your spouse want to deepen your connection, these six biblical principles will help you improve communication and build a stronger, more joy-filled relationship.

1. Prioritize Intentional Conversations:

With the kids out of the house, it’s easy to slip into routines without real connection. Set aside time daily—even just 15 minutes—to talk about more than schedules and to-do lists. Ask, How’s your heart today?

My husband came home from a conference and asked me, “How’s your heart?” And I never felt more seen. It was an invitation to share whatever was on my heart, the good and the bad, the hopes and frustrations. I started asking him the same question, and it took our communication to a deeper level. 

“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” – Colossians 4:6

“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint”.- Isaiah 40:31

Holiday Tension

It felt like a rubber band was stretched across her chest as Julia scraped the dinner plates and loaded the dishwasher. Her daughter Maddie would be returning home for her break from university. Fear rushed in as Julia thought about their last difficult interaction. 

Julia was aloof and tense that weekend. She just didn’t seem like herself. Julia sensed something was going on but she couldn’t get Maddie to talk.  She woke Maddie up Sunday morning and said, “It’s time for church, Babe.”  “I’m not going.” Julia barked. Aghast, she yelled back. “What do you mean you’re not going? As long as you live in this house, you’ll go to church with your dad and I.”  “You can’t make me,” she hollered. 

 Julia quietly closed the bedroom door and slumped away to her bedroom to cry. “Where did I go wrong, Lord? she wailed, as tears stained her pillow. “She’s so far from you and I feel like an utter failure. Please help me.” she prayed. 

Reflecting over the weekend, Julia noticed every time she reached out to connect with Maddie, it felt like her walls were up. “Maybe she sensed my judgment?” she wondered. “Maybe I was unnecessarily harsh?” she thought. Just thinking about spending time with her daughter over the holidays stressed her out. “Lord, there’s got to be a better way. Please help me,” she prayed, as she wiped off the counters.

Does Julia’s story ring true for you? Do you identify with the heartache, pressure, and shame a mom carries when her grown child rejects her faith? 

Are you flooded with questions:

• Why God?

• Where did I go wrong?

• What will others think of me?

• What if they experience complete separation from God?

• How can we get along when we disagree?

“Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you will receive it and it will be yours.”-Mark 11:24

If you don’t pray for your adult child, who will?

These words were whispered to my heart, by the Holy Spirit, one morning as I sat with God. The velocity of the truth ripped through my soul. It got me wondering about who was actually praying for my children.  Perhaps my married children’s spouse’s did. Perhaps close friends. Maybe friends from their small group. Certainly my husband prayed for them and their grandma interceded on their behalf. Probably my son and daughter in law's parents prayed for our kids. 

 What about my grown children who weren’t walking with God? Who’s praying for them?

The Spiritual Folks

 We want the more spiritual folks to do the praying: the pastors, pastor’s wives, spiritual leaders, and missionaries.They know exactly what to pray and how to pray it. We feel more comfortable agreeing with their prayers.  We want to believe our children are supported through prayer, but in reality, the list is probably quite short. 

 If I’m one of the few people praying for my grown children, how does that impact my prayer life? It got me wondering:

•  Could prayer be my first response instead of my last resort? 

• What if I stepped away from formal prayers and just talked to God about what was going on in my grownup kid’s lives? 

• What if I released control and surrendered it all to God?

•  What would it look like if I exchanged my worries for confidence in God?

•  What if I replaced doubt with faith?

•  What if I allowed a mustard seed of faith to grow concerning my offspring? 

• What if prayer were the antidote to distress?

 “My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me.”- Psalm 63:8

Assurance from God

Julie stood at the kitchen window as the morning sunrise revealed it’s glory of oranges, pinks, and purples. She breathed in the beauty and offered quiet praise to God. “Thank you Lord, for your presence. Thank you for being with me today. How I need you so. Please be with me in all I do. Amen,” she whispered in her heart.

 Her formerly bustling house was reduced to crickets now that the kids were gone. Each morning at the sink was the reminder she needed that God wasn’t done yet. There were good things ahead for her in her empty nest. 

Are you needing reassurance in your empty nest?

God is ready to help you find peace. 

When our children grow up, there is a natural transition in our relationship with them. We loosen control as our kids venture into the world. It starts in their teens as we let them have a little independence. We monitor their activity then see how they do. If they respond well to freedom, we give them more. If not, we reign them in until they can prove themselves trustworthy.

This continues through college, as we release them to live separately from us. We no longer have control over their day to day, or their political, religious, or cultural views. But we have guardrails around them, as they return home each summer and still rely on us financially.

There comes a point where they become truly adult: they have their own jobs, homes, perhaps a spouse and children and responsibility for their finances, social circles, and beliefs. We still influence them from afar, but they are solely responsible for running their own lives.

In the empty nest, our identity is no longer tied to our motherhood or whether our kids thrive or not in adulthood. That’s not on us. Our grown children are responsible for their own success.  

Cling to God

Instead of holding on to our kids, we are invited to cling to God.

 “My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me.”- Psalm 63:8 

Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”- Matthew 19:6

Lonely Evenings

Elizabeth scurries about the kitchen while she waits for her husband, Dave to come in from the garage. Frustration bubbles to the surface as she thinks “I worked all day too, why can’t he help me cook dinner?”  

She imagines another awkward evening at the dinner table with just the two of them. “It was so much easier when we were distracted by the kids,” she thinks. “Now I feel more alone than ever.” 

Sure, they’ll talk about work, but nothing really important. Dave will say a few words then retreat to his chair to watch sports while I read another book. They will spend another lonely evening together. “This is not how I imagined it to be.” Elizabeth thinks, “ Everyone says the empty nest is amazing, but mostly I feel sad and disconnected. How am I ever going to find my way back to my husband?” Liz wonders. 

Marital Satisfaction

How about you? How satisfied are you in your empty nest marriage?

Marital satisfaction can decline rapidly in the empty nest, especially when women feel disconnected from their mates. We want more in our empty nest marriages. We want it  to be more than two lives lived separately. We long for emotional intimacy, mutual satisfaction, and a fresh vision for our marriage. We dream of legacy and impact, not criticism, fault-finding and boredom.

What do we do if our empty nest marriage looks nothing like we imagined? 

The First Moments Without Them

The August sun beat down as we unloaded our overpacked cars and schlepped items up to the third floor of her dorm. We passed sweaty students, as eager parents made sense of the small spaces. Our youngest daughter, Keziah was bright with excitement as we unpacked boxes and got her closet arranged just right. Her dad lugged the refrigerator up three flights and lofted the bed. We were thankful for a breeze through her window.

We gobbled some Chick Fil-A, made a Target run, then took one last sweep of her room. We didn’t want to stay too long or do too much for her.  She plopped down on her cute futon under the lofted bed with the matching comforter and fluffy throw pillows. She looked content in her space, with little plants speckled about the room. She seemed ready. This was our cue to head home.

Why did she seem so assured and confident? This one was fiercely independent. All I could think of was I wouldn’t see her sweet face every day.  A lump formed in my throat as we said our goodbyes. Soft tears rolled down our cheeks. I think she cried for us more than herself. We knew this young woman would prosper in every way. 

The three hour ride home was quiet for my hubby and I as thoughts rolled through our minds and tears spilled. The familiar sadness of separation logged in the pit of my stomach.  All I could think about was how fast those eighteen years with her went. 

After 30 years of active parenting our five kids, our nest was empty. “What in the world would we fill our time with now that we weren’t running to their school activities.” I wondered.  I looked over at my husband as he wrapped his strong hand around mine. “It’s just me and you now,” I whispered. He looked at me with his warm hazel eyes and said, “I know baby, it’s gonna be okay.”

Our nests are empty! 

Most moms will come to this moment in their motherhood and will feel the weight of it. The journey with our children nearby has ended. Our normal rhythms are tossed aside. Suddenly, we can focus on our marriage and that can feel wonderful, or terrifying depending on how healthy our marriages are. 

With any great dish, we need the right mix of ingredients for the recipe to turn out well. The same goes for our conversations with our adult children, especially when it involves difficult topics. 

You can’t hope it goes well. When we are haphazard with our words and actions, we create tension and stress in our relationships. Our bond is broken and bitterness can invades our union.

 When we prepare well and keep a few principles in place, we can navigate a difficult topic with confidence. Our relationship remains intact. In fact, it might even be stronger when we’re finished because we’ve kept these guiding principles in mind:

1.You must be courageous.

   When I work with my coaching clients, they are often plagued with fear, when it comes to discussing difficult topics with their children. They end up not having the conversation and their relationship fails. 

When you ask God to fill you with courage, He will. He is faithful. You never go into any difficult conversation alone. The Holy Spirit is present to give you confidence and strength. Don’t wait to be unafraid; move forward in spite of any nervousness you feel. 

The Big Question: How could your relationship improve if you had more courage?

2. You need to choose the right timing.

    Avoid having important conversations when either of you are distracted, tired, or hungry. Be courteous and thoughtful. However, don’t be hyper vigilant thinking everything has to be perfect or you’ll never have the conversations. Be mindful of the season of life, work habits, and your child’s emotional capacity, before you have the conversation.

The Big Question: Is there anything going on that would be a hindrance to this conversation?

3.  You need to practice effective listening.

   Your job is to listen to understand. You want to fully engage by not trying to think of what you’ll say next. Instead, listen for the unspoken, nonverbal cues too, so you have a complete picture of what your child is saying.

The Big Question: What could be a positive outcome of you listening well?

 Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. - James 1:19

Avoidance Tactics

Elizabeth stared out the window as she drove with her husband to the grocery store. She ruminated over a missed opportunity with her youngest daughter, Mackenzie. Instead of feeling courageous, she shrank into fear and avoided a hard conversation with Mac. 

She noticed her daughter talked less about God. Mac was a junior in college and she rarely attended church. Her once loved Bible was untouched on a shelf in her childhood bedroom. She always had an excuse not to attend: work, a college project, or weekends away with friends. Mackenzie declined whenever mom invited her to church too.

 Elizabeth wanted to bring it up, but she was afraid of offending her daughter. Everytime she tried to talk about it she would shrink back, fearing she didn’t have the right words.

 Deep down she didn’t really want to know why Mac had walked away from God. She felt like a failure as a mom. It was easier to remain at surface level with her daughter instead of wading in deep. “What if she rejects God forever,” Elizabeth thought. “I couldn’t bear that.” 

Avoiding the topic made Eliabeth feel far away from her daughter. All she was left with was a gaping hole in their relationship. “There has to be a better way,” she thought.  “It’s time we talked about it.”

Have you ever tiptoed around a conversation with your adult child?

We worry about not having the right words. We don’t want to come across as overbearing  or close-minded. Often we feel inadequate knowing we need grace and kindness as we approach the subject. We understand we can’t become defensive, but we don’t know what that looks like.