Six Questions Every Empty Nest Mom Should Ask to Discover Her God-Given Purpose

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No woman slides quietly or effortlessly into the empty nest. This is a monumental transition, and most of us arrive here feeling unprepared for what comes next or unsure how God is still at work in us.

As we stand on the edge of this new season, the questions get louder:
What’s next?
 Who am I apart from motherhood?
 Does my life still have purpose, and if so, what is it now?

If you’ve asked any of those questions, you’re not behind. You’re right on time.

Scripture reminds us, “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do” (Ephesians 2:10). That promise didn’t expire when your kids left home. God’s purposes for you are not tied to one role or one season; they are woven into who you are.

As an Empty Nest Coach, I’ve learned something important: clarity doesn’t come from quick answers. It comes from asking better questions. And questions are exactly what we need in this season of shifting identities and fresh possibilities we didn’t see coming.

Let’s be honest, we’d all love a clarion call from heaven that says, “This is what I created you for. Do this.” But more often than not, God leads us gently, inviting us to look inward and backward before we move forward.

The surest way to uncover your purpose is to become thoughtfully introspective, to mine your story and your God-given motivations for clues to what He’s been preparing you for all along.

So let’s dig.
Here are six questions to help you discover your purpose in the empty nest.
 Grab your journal, open your heart, and let’s go looking for gold together.

1. What Are You Passionate About?

What is the one thing your heart keeps circling back to, no matter the season or the responsibilities on your plate?

Another way to ask this is: What sets your soul on fire? What topic, cause, or activity stirs something deep within you and moves you to action?

Passion has a way of rising to the surface without effort. It’s the thing you could talk about for thirty minutes without notes. The conversation that energizes you instead of draining you. The space where you feel most alive, most yourself, and most engaged.

This kind of passion doesn’t feel forced. It doesn’t feel heavy. It feels life-giving. When you’re leaning into it, time passes quickly, and fulfillment comes naturally, not because it’s easy, but because it’s aligned.

Pay attention to what lights you up. God often plants our passions as clues to our purpose. When you follow what He’s been stirring in your heart, you may just find that He’s been preparing you for this season all along.

“Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”- Psalm 37:4

This verse reminds us that when our hearts are anchored in God, the desires He places within us are not selfish or accidental. Often, our deepest passions are God-given, planted there to draw us toward the good works He’s inviting us into now. As you pay attention to what delights you, trust that God may be revealing something sacred about your purpose in this season.

2. What Are Your Natural Gifts?

God has wired you in very specific ways, and those gifts didn’t disappear when your kids left home.

What comes naturally to you? What do others consistently thank you for or seek you out to help with? Maybe you’re a steady listener, a wise encourager, a creative thinker, an organizer, a teacher, or a natural leader. These abilities often feel ordinary to us because they’ve always been there, but that doesn’t make them insignificant.

Your natural gifts are the things you do with ease and grace, often without formal training. They’re the strengths that quietly show up again and again in your relationships, your work, your church, and your home. While passion points to what excites you, your gifts reveal how God has equipped you to serve.

Scripture tells us, “We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us” (Romans 12:6). That means your gifts are not random, and they are not meant to be compared. They are grace-filled and intentional, designed to be used for God’s glory in this season of your life.

Take inventory without minimizing or dismissing what comes easily to you. God often uses what feels most natural to accomplish what is most meaningful. Your gifts are not leftovers from a past season; they are tools for what He’s calling you into now.

3. How Have You Served in the Past?

Your past is not something to move beyond or dismiss; it’s something to mine for wisdom. As you look back over the years of raising your children, pay attention to the ways you naturally showed up to serve.

Were you the one who stepped in to lead when something needed organizing or direction? The mom who gathered people, made plans, and carried responsibility with confidence? Or were you the quiet servant, the one who noticed needs, offered steady support, and served faithfully behind the scenes with humility and care?

These patterns matter. They reveal how God has shaped you through lived experience. Scripture tells us, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28). God has revealed His purposes in the past, and He will continue to do so in the empty nest.

4. What Motivates You?

This question moves us from what you’re good at to what energizes you. Motivation is about noticing what stirs you to action, what pulls you forward rather than pushes you from behind.

Pay attention to what gives you energy instead of draining it. What activities leave you feeling more alive, more hopeful, or more engaged? What ideas spark enthusiasm and make you want to lean in rather than check out?

Motivation often reveals itself in contrast. Notice what exhausts you and what fuels you. The difference matters. When something aligns with how God has wired you, it feels life-giving, even when it requires effort. You may find yourself thinking, “This is what I was made for. I could do this all day and still have joy.”

Scripture reminds us, “For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill His good purpose” (Philippians 2:13). That inner drive, the desire to show up, serve, create, or lead, may very well be God at work within you, nudging you toward what He’s calling you to next.

Listen closely to what motivates you. God often uses holy desire to guide us into meaningful purpose.

5. What Skills Have You Honed Through Motherhood?

Motherhood has been one of your greatest training grounds, even if it didn’t come with a résumé or a paycheck. Over the years, you’ve developed a distinct and valuable skill set, shaped by love, perseverance, and daily faithfulness.

Think about it. Have you become a clear and firm communicator? A flexible problem-solver or an agile planner? Maybe you’ve built physical strength from years of wrangling toddlers, carrying car seats, or simply showing up day after day. Perhaps you’ve grown into a steady leader, a capable organizer, or a wise decision-maker.

Many moms have also developed deep compassion and empathy through hardship. You may have learned how to advocate fiercely for your child, navigate medical or emotional challenges, or walk through seasons that required courage you didn’t know you had. Those experiences were not wasted; they refined you.

Scripture assures us, “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up” (Galatians 6:9). The good work you’ve done in motherhood has produced strength, wisdom, and resilience that can now be stewarded in new ways.

Take time to notice what God has been honing in you all along. The skills shaped in one season often become the tools for purpose in the next. God truly wastes nothing.

6. Where Is God Leading You?

Ultimately, the surest way to discover your purpose is to ask God to lead you and then trust that He will. The One who orders your steps and holds every moment of your life already sees this season clearly. You are not wandering. You are being guided.

This is who your God is. This is how faithfully He cares for you.

Scripture reminds us, “The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in Him” (Psalm 37:23). God is not vague or withholding with His children. He promises to lead, to direct, and to go before you, often one step at a time.

Your role is not to figure everything out. Your role is to get before Him in prayer, invite His guidance, and then keep your eyes open to where He is already at work. Pay attention to recurring nudges, open doors, timely conversations, and the quiet peace that settles when something aligns with His will.

As you pray, ask God to lead, and then listen. Connect your prayers to what He’s unfolding in your real, everyday life. Purpose often reveals itself as we walk with God, not before we move.

There is no need to fear this season or wonder if your purpose has somehow passed you by. You serve a faithful God: one who reveals, directs, and gently guides as you pause, reflect, and grow curious about the life He’s been shaping within you all along.

As you pay attention to what stirs your heart, what motivates your steps, and what brings a holy sense of joy to your soul, trust this: your purpose is not lost; it’s unfolding. It’s been forming through every season of motherhood, every challenge you’ve walked through, and every strength God has quietly cultivated in you.

The empty nest is not an ending. It’s an invitation.

An invitation to listen more closely, to trust more deeply, and to partner with God as He reveals what’s next. You don’t have to rush. You don’t have to have it all figured out. You simply have to show up with an open heart and a willing spirit.

So go ahead. Invite God into the process. Ask the questions. Take the next step.
Your purpose is waiting, and God is eager to walk with you as you discover it. 

Let’s pray.

Dear Papa, I praise you for the woman I am becoming. I don’t want to go back to a younger version of myself. Help me embrace who I am now and see the ways you’ve wired me and made me who I am. I long to know your purpose for this season. Reveal it to me and make it clear. Amen.

Still struggling with letting go?

The Transitional Grief Journaling Guide is a faith-filled resource designed to help empty nest moms process the deep emotions of letting go. Through six guided reflection questions, you’ll name your feelings, invite God into your grief, and discover His comfort in the middle of change. This gentle companion will remind you that transitional grief is only a season and God is leading you toward peace, purpose, and joy.

Don’t Avoid the Tough Talk: How to Start Holiday Planning Conversations with Adult Kids

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Don’t Avoid the Tough Talk: How to Start Holiday Planning Conversations with Adult Kids

As soon as November rolls around, the countdown to the holidays begins, and so does the pressure. Moms everywhere start asking the same questions: What will Thanksgiving look like this year? Will we all be together for Christmas? How do I honor our traditions without overwhelming my adult kids, or myself?

It’s completely normal to feel a mix of excitement and anxiety as the season approaches. You want to hold onto the warmth and connection of years past, but deep down, you know things are changing. One of the biggest emotional shifts a mom faces is accepting that holidays with adult children won’t look like they did when the kids were little, and that’s okay.

Instead of avoiding the discomfort, be the one to open the conversation. Talking openly about holiday plans can prevent misunderstandings, reduce stress, and even strengthen your relationships. With these six strategies, you’ll learn how to approach the holidays with more clarity, flexibility, and peace. They may look different, but they can still be just as meaningful.

1. Stop Avoiding the Elephant in the Room

The holidays are coming. Everyone knows it, but that doesn’t mean anyone’s talking about it. If you're like most moms, you may find yourself avoiding the conversation with your adult kids, hoping to sidestep disappointment or conflict. Maybe deep down, you already sense they won’t be coming home, and saying it out loud makes it real.

But here’s the truth: the longer you avoid the conversation, the more tension quietly builds. As the mom, you’re still the emotional leader in your family. When you take the courageous step to initiate the dialogue, you create space for honesty, tenderness, and understanding. You’re not being pushy. You’re paving the way for peace.

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Transitional Grief in the Empty Nest: What It Is and How to Cope

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Transitional Grief in the Empty Nest: What It Is and How to Cope

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.” -Ecclesiastes 3:1

For most Christian moms, the wave of grief that follows launching a child is both unexpected and overwhelming, but it is completely normal. Overnight, the rhythm of daily life changes. The children who once filled the home with laughter, questions, and late-night snack raids are no longer near. Instead, longing creeps in. Moms find themselves wishing for just one more ordinary day of packing lunches, hearing the front door slam, or tripping over backpacks in the hallway.

The silence is deafening. Walking past a child’s empty bedroom can trigger a flood of tears, memories, and a painful awareness that life will never look quite the same. Moms who once felt confident in their role suddenly feel shaky, disoriented, and unsure of their purpose.

This tender ache has a name: transitional grief. It’s the emotional valley between what was and what is still becoming. The good news? It’s a season, not a life sentence. With honesty, healthy coping, and God’s grace, moms can move through this grief and discover new peace and purpose on the other side.

Now let’s unpack transitional grief: what it is, how to identify it, how to cope with it, and why trusting God makes all the difference.

1. What Is Transitional Grief?


 Transitional grief is the deep sadness that arises whenever life shifts in a significant way. In the empty nest, it comes when your child leaves home and daily life as you’ve known it changes forever. You may feel torn: proud and excited to see your child step into their future, yet aching at the empty space they leave behind. That tension is normal. It’s not weakness or failure; it’s the natural grief of letting go.

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6 Powerful Ways to Cope When Grandparenting Hurts

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6 Powerful Ways to Cope When Grandparenting Hurts

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” -Psalm 73:26

Becoming a grandma is supposed to be one of life’s sweetest joys. But what happens when it brings unexpected sorrow instead?

As moms, we dream of the day our family legacy carries on through the laughter of grandchildren. We imagine snuggles, storytimes, and being part of their everyday lives. But for many of us, that dream hasn’t come to pass the way we hoped, and it hurts deeply.

  • Maybe your adult children have chosen not to have kids.

  •  Maybe there’s distance, emotional or geographical, that keeps you apart.

  •  Maybe you're not allowed to see your grandchildren due to estrangement or strained relationships.

  •  Maybe the family calendar is so packed that there’s rarely time for visits.

  • Or maybe your kids are overwhelmed and anxious about letting their children spend time with you.

Whatever the situation, it leaves you grieving what could have been. And while you can’t control the circumstances, you can turn to the One who sees your heartache and promises to sustain you.

Friend, this is where faith meets reality. God is still near. He’s still working. And He offers you comfort, strength, and peace, even here.

Let’s walk through 6 powerful ways to cope when grandparenting hurts, and invite Jesus into the center of it all.

1. Manage Expectations

Unmet expectations are a fast track to disappointment, especially when it comes to something as tender as grandparenting. You picture how things should look, holiday gatherings, weekend visits, spontaneous snuggles, and when reality doesn’t match the dream, your heart aches.

But friend, you’ve lived long enough to know: expectations can quietly become demands. And when they do, they rob you of peace.

Your grown children were never meant to carry the weight of your happiness. That belongs to the Lord alone. Life can still be rich and full, even when it doesn’t unfold the way you hoped.

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6 Consequences For Not Letting Go and Trusting God with Your Adult Children

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6 Consequences For Not Letting Go and Trusting God with Your Adult Children

Those who know your name trust in you, for you, O Lord, do not abandon those who search for you. -Psalm 9:10

No mom wants to be a control freak, yet when we step back and observe our behavior, we often find that we desperately want to influence the outcomes in our adult children's lives. We struggle to remember we need to move from controlling to supporting.

What does it mean to let go? What are the consequences if we don’t?

Mel Robbins, author of the popular new book Let Them, suggests that we’ll experience greater freedom and peace by acknowledging our inability to control others or their actions. It encourages a shift in mindset where we focus on our reactions instead of trying to micromanage people.

For a mom with adult children, this means we will find greater peace when we let them make their own choices while we focus more on our response. We can’t or shouldn’t control their choices because they’re grown now. The only thing we can control is how we respond to their choices.  We give them freedom while we choose to remain at peace. This looks like active listening and empathy rather than correcting or trying to sway opinions.

We hold our grown children loosely, trusting in God.

Thankfully, in our relationship with the Lord, we understand that He is ultimately in control of all things. We can rest knowing that God sees our grown children and loves them, regardless of their actions. He’s familiar with rebellion because we’ve all been there, but our Maker has a way of drawing us near. He brings correction and conviction, but He does it from a heart of love. Isn’t God worthy of being trusted? Those who know your name trust in you, for you, O Lord, do not abandon those who search for you. -Psalm 9:10 

If a Christian empty nest mom doesn’t let go and trust God with her adult children, it can have deep emotional, relational, and spiritual consequences, not only for her, but for her whole family. 

Here's a breakdown of what can happen:

1. Emotional Burnout and Chronic Anxiety

Holding on too tightly often leads to constant worry over your child’s decisions or faith journeys. You spend your time focused on “what ifs” and worst-case scenarios. Sleepless nights become your routine. You experience emotional exhaustion as you bear the weight of their troubles. This is not how it’s supposed to be. Your grown children are responsible for carrying their burdens to God, not to you. You’re invited to give your cares to God. Let Him do the heavy lifting.

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Want to Be a Great Mother-In-Law? Stop Doing These 8 Things

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Want to Be a Great Mother-In-Law? Stop Doing These 8 Things

Do you have a vision for the kind of mother-in-law you want to be?

 It’s common to see mother-in-laws portrayed as controlling, easily offended, and judgmental. What a heartbreaking perspective. It doesn’t have to be that way.

As a Christian mother-in-law, your role is to be a loving, supportive presence, not a source of tension or control. This requires intentionality and grace towards yourself as you learn this new role.

Here are some key things NOT to do if you want to build a strong, God-honoring relationship with your child’s spouse:

1. Don’t Compete for Your Child’s Loyalty

You are not in competition with your child’s spouse. Once your child is married, their spouse becomes their priority. You are willing to step aside as your child clings to their mate. This is God’s good plan for marriage as laid out in Genesis 2:24, “Leave his father and mother and cling to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”

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Letting Go of Doubt: How Christian Moms Thrive in Empty Nest Purpose

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letting go of doubt: how christian moms thrive in empty nest purpose

“Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”- Mark 9:24

A Mind Full of Doubts

Nancy stood at the window as doubts rumbled in her mind. Her kids were moving on, and she needed to find a fresh purpose. “I’m a good listener. I’m intuitive and understand human behavior. I love helping people, but I don’t know if I can do it now,” she thought.

She had dreams of being a counselor, but the Accuser worked diligently to fill her mind with doubts. “You're too old” and “It’ll be too hard.” were his continual comments. 

“How do people just start over? What if I fail? What if I’m not good at it?” she wondered. The questions were on repeat, but she couldn’t deny she felt the Lord prompting her to enroll in college classes. 

Nancy’s husband encouraged her and her Bible study friends prayed through it with her. She and her girlfriend walked and talked about the new possibilities every day, and yet she stood at a crossroad.  Would she let her doubts win or would she walk by faith and step into a fresh season with renewed purpose?

What’s Next?

Most moms will stand on the edge of the empty nest, wondering what they will do next. We feel empty and purposeless, floundering through our days.

But what if this is the season of great opportunity?

Does God have a new job, ministry, business, or lifelong dream that He’s calling you to step into?

We start pondering our purpose as our children leave our homes. 

For decades our lives were firmly planted in motherhood. We thrived and grew as we parented. We understood the assignment and the expectations.  

Now we’re flooded with doubts. Fears mount as possibilities are presented.

We’re suddenly overwhelmed and suffer with a significant crisis of faith as we scurry to make sense of our future. We’re not unlike that middle school version of ourselves, plagued by uncertainty and “what will others think” arguments. 

Surely on the other side of our doubts we find God’s gentle nudges which lead us to our next purpose.

Motherhood is glorious, but it’s one role our Lord had for you. He’s not done yet. 

God has made provision for every apprehension, state of confusion, or reluctance. On the backside of doubt is His gracious purpose for you.

Take heart, momma. God is most tender with you in this season of life. He does not condemn or chide. He takes your hand and says, “Follow me. I will show you exactly what to do.”

Unbelief

The story in Mark speaks of a father who’s exasperated with his son’s sickness. He finally brings him to Jesus. Jesus, with a heart of compassion, tells the father he only has to believe and his son will be healed. The father replied with the most honest statement. “I do believe! Help me overcome my unbelief.” Mark 9:24

Help me overcome my unbelief or doubt has been the cry of the human condition for generations. Thankfully there are practical steps to releasing your reluctance. 

Let’s look at four ways to let go of doubt.

1. Acknowledging doubt is normal.

Before you can let something go, you must first acknowledge it. Instead of denying or justifying your doubt, name it. Bring it out in the presence of Jesus and say, “I’m scared.” 

It is normal to doubt when you’re on the edge of an unfamiliar season of life, like stepping into the empty nest. Please do not feel ashamed or less than because of your doubt. View it as an opportunity to talk to Jesus about it. You will be met with immense compassion and empathy. Thankfully, Jesus never lets us stay stuck there.

2. Counter the doubt with faith.

When you experience doubt you need to wrestle with God, until He strengthens your faith. You could give up and not receive all the good God has for you, or you could get down on the mat and fight for your bright future. 

Search the scriptures to find nuggets of truth about God’s guidance and provision for you. Your faith will only grow when you step over your doubts and crush them to the ground. That’s where real faith flourishes. Allow the scriptures to strengthen your soul so you can move past the apprehension you feel.

3. Move forward in spite of fear.

If you’re waiting to have no fear, I’m afraid, you’ll be waiting a long time. Only in heaven will you be completely fearless. On this side of heaven you need to learn to move forward in spite of your reluctance. 

Fear doesn’t magically go away. You must learn to manage it. You’re the boss of it, as God leads. It’s helpful to adopt a mindset that says, “Even though I’m afraid, I trust God to lead me to His best plans for my new purpose.  As you move forward, fear is diminished and confidence in God rises. One day it will be laughable how comfortable you feel in your fresh purpose.

4. Be willing to feel uncomfortable.

Ease is the fodder of those who remain purposeless. Instead of pursuing comfort, be willing to be stretched. Allow doubt to be an opportunity for your growth.

Seek God as you move through the uncomfortable and allow Him to reveal His will. Pray and seek God’s heart for His purpose in this season of life. Let God guide every step and trust His heart. Eventually, you’ll feel comfortable in what He’s called you to do. That’s how good He is. 

It’s not uncommon for moms to be plagued with doubts once our children are grown. It makes sense because our lives were focused on motherhood. But with every crisis of faith, we can trust God’s hand. When we face the future with courage and reliance on God we can be confident He will lead us to our fresh purposes. 

Let’s pray.        

Dear Papa, thank you for helping me with my unbelief. Help me make it through this crisis of faith so I can step into the good plans you have prepared for me. Fill me with courage and strength to pursue what you are leading me to do. I trust you even when I’m afraid. Amen.


Still struggling?

Grab my free guide, Your Kids Are Grown….Now What? It’s a robust guide to help you understand the three different phases of midlife motherhood. You’ll move from the Empty-Feeling Mom, the Questioning Mom, and the Celebratory Mom. The guide will help you see what to expect next. 

Just leave your name and email so I know where to send it. 

Holiday Grace: Navigating Family Gatherings with an Adult Child Who Rejects Christianity

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Holiday Grace: Navigating Family Gatherings with an Adult Child Who Rejects Christianity

“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint”.- Isaiah 40:31


Holiday Tension

It felt like a rubber band was stretched across her chest as Julia scraped the dinner plates and loaded the dishwasher. Her daughter Maddie would be returning home for her break from university. Fear rushed in as Julia thought about their last difficult interaction. 

Julia was aloof and tense that weekend. She just didn’t seem like herself. Julia sensed something was going on but she couldn’t get Maddie to talk.  She woke Maddie up Sunday morning and said, “It’s time for church, Babe.”  “I’m not going.” Julia barked. Aghast, she yelled back. “What do you mean you’re not going? As long as you live in this house, you’ll go to church with your dad and I.”  “You can’t make me,” she hollered. 

 Julia quietly closed the bedroom door and slumped away to her bedroom to cry. “Where did I go wrong, Lord? she wailed, as tears stained her pillow. “She’s so far from you and I feel like an utter failure. Please help me.” she prayed. 

Reflecting over the weekend, Julia noticed every time she reached out to connect with Maddie, it felt like her walls were up. “Maybe she sensed my judgment?” she wondered. “Maybe I was unnecessarily harsh?” she thought. Just thinking about spending time with her daughter over the holidays stressed her out. “Lord, there’s got to be a better way. Please help me,” she prayed, as she wiped off the counters.

Does Julia’s story ring true for you? Do you identify with the heartache, pressure, and shame a mom carries when her grown child rejects her faith? 

Are you flooded with questions:

  • Why God?

  • Where did I go wrong?

  • What will others think of me?

  • What if they experience complete separation from God?

  • How can we get along when we disagree?

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The Christian Mom’s Mindset for a Peaceful, Joyful Holiday with Her Adult Kids

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The Christian Mom’s Mindset for a Peaceful, Joyful Holiday with Her Adult Kids

Has holiday planning with your adult children increased your stress levels and you’re barely into November?

Maybe you can relate to Julia’s story:

Julia settled into her comfy chair with her morning coffee. Worry bubbled forth as she imagined what the holidays will look like this year. Her oldest, John, won’t be home as he’s heading to his wife's parent’s home. “I’ll never get used to sharing my child with another family,” she thinks, “I just don’t like it.” 

Her middle daughter, Elizabeth, won’t commit to plans. “Why can’t she just communicate with me? It’s so frustrating,” she sighs. “She seems annoyed with us all. We’re hardly even a family anymore. Why does it all have to be so stressful,” she wonders.

Connor, her youngest, will be home from college. “He never seems to want to be with us,” she thinks. “He’s always running around with his friends. I feel lonely and forgotten.” 

 “Lord, I need you. I’m overwhelmed and I don’t want our holidays to be stressful. I give everyone and everything to you. Please help me,” she whispered, as peace washed over her soul.


Mom Stress

Preparing for the holidays has never been easy for moms. Most of us have carried the mental weight of holiday planning for decades and the stress continues as our children reach adulthood. 

We all face many of these common stressors:

  • Sharing our married children with their in-laws.

  • Step-families and the juggling that requires. 

  • Tension in our adult children’s relationship with each other.

  • Our children have abandoned the religious views of their upbringing. 

  • No one in our families pitches in for meal prep and cleaning.

  • Our adult children are resistant to making family plans.

Talk about stress. No wonder we dread this time of year. It feels like too much, and we’ll just be disappointed again.

What if there was a way to shift our thinking? Could we adopt a healthier view, so we don’t end up crushed and disappointed? How could our holidays look if we entered them from a posture of surrender? 

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7 Ways to Pray for Your Adult Children

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7 Ways to Pray for Your Adult Children


“Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you will receive it and it will be yours.”-Mark 11:24

If you don’t pray for your adult child, who will?

These words were whispered to my heart, by the Holy Spirit, one morning as I sat with God. The velocity of the truth ripped through my soul. It got me wondering about who was actually praying for my children.  Perhaps my married children’s spouse’s did. Perhaps close friends. Maybe friends from their small group. Certainly my husband prayed for them and their grandma interceded on their behalf. Probably my son and daughter in law's parents prayed for our kids. 

 What about my grown children who weren’t walking with God? Who’s praying for them?

The Spiritual Folks

 We want the more spiritual folks to do the praying: the pastors, pastor’s wives, spiritual leaders, and missionaries.They know exactly what to pray and how to pray it. We feel more comfortable agreeing with their prayers.  We want to believe our children are supported through prayer, but in reality, the list is probably quite short. 

 If I’m one of the few people praying for my grown children, how does that impact my prayer life? It got me wondering:

  •  Could prayer be my first response instead of my last resort? 

  • What if I stepped away from formal prayers and just talked to God about what was going on in my grownup kid’s lives? 

  • What if I released control and surrendered it all to God?

  •  What would it look like if I exchanged my worries for confidence in God?

  •  What if I replaced doubt with faith?

  •  What if I allowed a mustard seed of faith to grow concerning my offspring? 

  • What if prayer were the antidote to distress?

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How to Support Your Struggling Adult Child

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How to Support Your Struggling Adult Child

“The name of the Lord is a fortified tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.”- Proverbs 18:10

Amy’s Struggle

Julie felt the weight of her grown daughter’s struggles. Tension pressed across her forehead as she rehashed yesterday's conversation with Amy.  Amy had landed a job shortly after college, but then sunk into a depression after her long term boyfriend called it quits. Heartbroken and sad, Amy checked out. She no longer cared for herself, and called in “sick” to work, often. 

As a way to support her daughter, Julie agreed to a nightly check in phone call. At first Julie felt relieved to hear from her daughter, but as time progressed, so did Amy’s complaining. Amy was spiraling into bitterness and hopelessness. 

Julie woke one morning after another fitful night of sleep and prayed, “God, I cannot do this anymore. Amy is exhausting me. Please give me wisdom to support Amy without taking on her emotional load. Give me courage to set some boundaries with Amy because I’m losing myself in the pain. Amen.”  

How About You?

Have you ever faced sleepless nights and days of worried thoughts because your grown child isn’t thriving?

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Top Ten Things Moms Should Know Before Launching Their Kids

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Top Ten Things Moms Should Know Before Launching Their Kids

Are you ready for it?

Hey there, momma!

So, picture this: your kiddo is on the verge of spreading their wings and taking on the big, wide world. Exciting, right? But, let's be real, it's also a bit nerve-wracking. As Christian moms, we know there's more to this launch than just packing bags and giving pep talks. It's about trusting God and preparing yourself for the biggest shift in your motherhood.  So, before we send our little ones off into the unknown, let's chat about the top ten things moms need to know before launching their kids.

1. Allow your child to be autonomous: 

No grown child wants you to be a hovering, helicopter mom. That’s just annoying! It’s normal when your child wants his independence and control over his own decision. This is the goal of parenting. They want to become their own person and you need to let them become just that. You gotta get out of the way. Even if it means them moving away or heading in a direction you wouldn’t select. You must let them fly.

The Big Question: What are you doing to encourage your child to make choices for his life?

2. Don’t make this season about you:

This transition is not about you; it’s about your emerging adult and what is best for him. There will be time for you to process transitional grief, but don’t do that with your child. That will hurt him. Instead, Brenda Yoder, author of Fledge said, “Be the kind of mom you needed when you young. This will ensure your child feels loved and supported. This is important! It’s what they need most! You’ll have time to handle your emotions alone, with God.

The Big Question: What can you do to remember this is about your child not you?

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Decoding Parental Estrangement: Understanding the Root Causes

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Decoding Parental Estrangement: Understanding the Root Causes

I’m Done with You!

Jessica struggled with her daughter Lisa for years. Tensions ran high daily. There were endless misunderstandings and miscommunications. They clashed on everything from clothing styles, grades, and her friends. Lisa felt she never pleased her mom. She felt picked on and had a deep sense of resentment.

Jessica pushed hard with extreme discipline, and Lisa pulled farther away. There was no pleasing her mother. When high school rolled around, Lisa just stayed away more. This infuriated her mom. 

College came and Lisa was thrilled to live hours away from her mother’s control. She loved the freedom and didn’t miss the hassle. She felt liberated. Every time her mom called or texted, she ignored her phone. Lisa relished the freedom and the opportunity to believe what she wanted without her mother’s influence over her anymore. 

One day she texted her mom, “Please don’t reach out to me anymore. I’m done with you. Respect my wishes.” Jessica was understandably devastated. The following weeks Jessica felt hopeless, heart sick, and exhausted. “How could this have happened to me?” She wondered. 


What is Parental Estrangement?

Parental estrangement is one of the most devastating issues for moms to face in recent years. Thousands of families are left heartbroken and bewildered. Today I’ll attempt to give a broad overview of a complex topic. 

First off, let’s define parental estrangement.  According to Wikipedia, “It is the loss of a previously existing relationship between family members through physical and/or emotional distancing often to the extent that there is negligible or no communication between the individuals for a prolonged period.”

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Embracing Now: Nurturing Peace for Worrier Moms

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Embracing Now: Nurturing Peace for Worrier Moms

Runaway Thoughts

As I loaded the dishwasher, worry clung to me like a staticky silk skirt. Soon Rebekah would drive seven hours from Evangel University, in Springfield, Missouri, to our home in Iowa. “Was it even a good idea for a single young woman to travel across the country alone?”, I wondered. My imagination ran wild as I envisioned car trouble, or worse, an attack at a gas station, or a horrific car accident. I’d be so far away, it would take forever for me to get to her. 

Anxiety mounted in my chest. Every scenario I played out in my mind had a deadly ending. I shook my head back to the present, astonished how far I had let my imagination wander. Shame enveloped me. It was ridiculous and so unbecoming of the woman of God I was. Why did I have such a small view of God in those moments? Why had I let worry run free in my mind?  

Worry and Fear

We get lost in worry for the future, don’t we momma? Peace is swept away as anxiety grows in our hearts and minds. What’s a momma to do?

There are two things that keep us from the present with our adult children: worry and fear. Oh, how easy it is for moms to jump ahead and fear the unknown future. These negative forces take root in our thoughts as we predict events that haven’t even happened. We’re consumed with “what ifs.” We are robbed of our peace and joy. 

Julie LeFebure, author of, Right Now Matters, said, “The future becomes a distraction when we allow fear and worry to fill it.” Do we realize our worry is a distraction? The enemy designed it so it would make us take our eyes off God. We get focused in unseen places and we completely miss God.  

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Four Great Reasons Moms Can Connect with God

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Four Great Reasons Moms Can Connect with God

“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.” - John 15:5 NL

Connecting with God


The sun bursts forth as my hubby and I head out for our early morning prayer walk. There’s something powerful about talking to God about our adult kids. Our five offspring are all out of college, four are married, and they are all pursuing careers they enjoy, and yet they all have struggles. Just like any family, ours deals with financial stressors, physical pain, sickness, mental health, relational strife, cultural wars, parenting issues, and managing adulthood well. This is all part of being human. Our kids will always have stressors, but we must respond with faith.

Moms have two options: worry relentlessly about our kids, or pray for them, releasing it all to God, allowing Him to have His way in their lives. As we stroll each morning, we lift our kids to God. He certainly knows what they need more than we. Each prayer is an act of surrender and a way to restore peace to us. Most of the stressors belong to our adult kids. They need to figure them out. We are here to love and support as they navigate adulthood with their own resources. 

My husband and I know that apart from God we are nothing. With God all things are possible. What a privilege to rely on Him as we release our adult kids to His capable hands. Blessed assurance rises in our souls as we pray.

How about you? 

Have you leaned into your relationship with God even more now that you’ve gently released your child into adulthood?  I often hear moms say, “I need God now more than ever before. It was so much easier when my kids were young.”

We want to cling, hold fast to old routines and familiar patterns and all the while God says, “Let them go and cling to Me. Everything you need, I have provided. I’m here. I’m for you. Move a little closer and let me show you I’m trustworthy.”

God waits for the weary, worried mom’s arrival. He’s ready to assist her as she pours out her anguish and fears and then remembers who He is to her.

Jesus uses the teaching from the vineyard to show us what it means to have a living breathing relationship with God, where we cultivate our union and bear fruit because of our connection with God.  “Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.” - John 15:5 NLT

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How to Be a Haven for Your Adult Child

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How to Be a Haven for Your Adult Child

“Love does no wrong to others, so love fulfills the requirements of God’s law.” - Romans 13:10

Oh how we enjoy family time together! 

Our robust family of thirteen is spread across Missouri, Illinois, Minnesota, and Iowa. We gather together two-three times each year. When they were young, I never imagined the physical distance between us. It’s hard for all of us. The kids are constantly bickering about which state is the best to live in and why don’t we all join them there. 

Our adult kids traveled hundreds of miles and descended on our home weary and stiff, but happy to be there, for the long July 4th weekend. Hugs were shared as each family trudged up the front steps with suitcases and a few pets. 

Our normal, tidy home for two, was bustling with chaos and activity. The diabetic cat and the hyper Goldendoodle weren’t too fond of each other. We were vigilant to keep them apart. The coffee pot never stopped humming, and we went through an insane amount of Coke. Each family was in charge of a meal, from grocery shopping, prep, cooking, and cleanup. The bathrooms were busy, as the washing machine spun the dirty towels.

My Family Is Just Like Yours

We’re like any normal family. We have different values and beliefs. We say or do things that are insensitive. We get miffed with each other. We have our share of struggles, including mental health, financial, job transitions, friendship despair, philosophical, and religious differences, but we have purposed in our hearts to create a home where our grown kids are loved and welcomed, just as they are. We endeavor to apologize when necessary and listen well.

In her book Love, Pray, Listen, Mary DeMuth says this: “Your job is to create a haven relationship, one where your adult kids long to be near you because of how they feel in your presence.” It’s the heartbeat of what we’ve created with our grown children. We want to be a safe space for them. We want them to enjoy being with us. We want to love them as Christ loves us. 

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The Heart of Faithfully Trusting Your Powerful God

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The Heart of Faithfully Trusting Your Powerful God

“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord." Jeremiah 17:7

I’m on the highway again, heading the hour drive to the Twin Cities so I can be with my young husband for another week's stay at the Multiple Sclerosis Center at Fairview Riverside Hospital. There he’ll be pumped full of steroids to tame the inflammation that attacks his nerves, leaving him with a new tremor, spasm, or disability. MS is a beast that will not be tamed.The disease has upended our family in profound ways.

A 90’s song plays on Christian radio. The lyrics go like this: “Life is hard, but God is good.” Tears stream down my cheeks for an hour. I’m by myself, as the three little kids are cared for, so I’m free to let the tears flow. I need to be near my husband. Holy Spirit whispers so gently, as He has everyday since this disease invaded our home, “Do you trust Me?” Through stifled sobs and bitter weeping, I whisper, “Yes, Papa, I do.” 

Those years of struggle were fertile ground where God planted my roots deep in Him. He taught me to trust when my world was completely falling apart. When things only got worse and the doctor recommended my husband be placed in a nursing home, it was preparation for every trial I would face in the future. 

It prepared me for when some of my children rejected God. It enabled me to trust Him no matter what I experienced. It helped me let go of outcomes and trust Papa’s good work on hearts.

I was rewarded for trusting God. He gave me peace, identity, and set me free from fear because I was already living my greatest fear. 

We bristle sometimes when we’re asked to trust God. 

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4 Reasons God is Remarkably Faithful to You

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4 Reasons God is Remarkably Faithful to You

 “Yahweh! The Lord! The God of compassion and mercy! I am slow to anger and filled with unfailing love and faithfulness.I lavish unfailing love to a thousand generations. I forgive iniquity, rebellion, and sin.” - Exodus 34:6-7a NLT

Tossing and Turning

Julia kicked the covers off, rolled over, and stared at the clock again as frustration grew in her heart. Angrily she thought “Why can’t I sleep???” The orange glow of the digital clock blared 2:30 am back at her as she scuffed because she had tossed and turned for an hour. She knew exactly why she couldn’t sleep. 

She spent an hour thinking about her youngest daughter at college. Fear and worry tumbled through her mind. “What if she gets with the wrong kind of friends? She seems so lonely. What if she dates the wrong guy? What if she makes the wrong choice? Why doesn’t she love God anymore? Where did I go wrong? What if she’s attacked at a party? What if she’s drugged and raped? Goodness that escalated quickly!” she thought. 

Spiraling, she knew she needed to stop. Breathing deep, she whispered, “God, please help me. Give me faith to trust You. Give the ability to understand You are with me and You are my help. Remind me of Your faithfulness. How easily I forget.”

Have you struggled to lean into God’s faithfulness when it comes to your adult child? 

This is often difficult for moms because we’ve always managed their problems. We were the fixers, problem solvers, and rescuers. How do we let go and entrust our children and their problems to our faithful God?

What does it mean when we describe God as faithful?

What do we need to know about the faithfulness of God? 

According to the International Standard Bible Encyclopedia, “Faithfulness is one of the characteristics of God's ethical nature. It denotes the firmness or constancy of God in His relations with men, especially with His people. It is, accordingly, one aspect of God's truth and of His unchangeableness. God is true not only because He is really God in contrast to all that is not God, and because He realizes the idea of Godhead, but also because He is constant or faithful in keeping His promises, and therefore is worthy of trust” 

The Bible reverberates with the faithfulness of God. Each story and chapter is laced with examples of His dependability to His children. Even when God’s family disobeyed and rebelled, He was consistently trustworthy. 

Here is a moment where Moses met with God on the mountain. God spoke through a cloud.  The Lord passed in front of Moses, calling out, “Yahweh! The Lord! The God of compassion and mercy! I am slow to anger and filled with unfailing love and faithfulness.I lavish unfailing love to a thousand generations. I forgive iniquity, rebellion, and sin.” - Exodus 34:6-7a

God spoke directly to Moses and what a message it was. He said he was slow to anger, filled with unfailing love, and faithfulness. If God is telling us this Himself, can we not trust Him when He speaks? How can we doubt what He says about Himself? This is proof of His faithfulness, We can settle our hearts on this revelation and rest in peace. 

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How to Reconnect When You Feel Distant

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How to Reconnect When You Feel Distant

“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” - Ecclesiastes 4:12

Our Daily Returning

Hubby and I gathered at our bright kitchen island as worship music played softly from the Alexa atop the fridge. He carried the stress and pressure of leading a church. I lugged the weight of being self-employed as a writer and life coach. Cooking together is a way to relax and unwind after a busy day.

He peeled the carrots and chopped the onions with precision, while I warmed the Dutch oven on the stove with a splash of olive oil. “How was your day?” he asked. “Good, I got a lot done at my desk, but my upper back is killing me,” I replied. With warm eyes, he met me at the stove and rubbed the tension away with his strong hands.  

He returned to chopping, deep in thought. “What are you thinking about, honey,” I asked. “I’m just processing a situation,” he said introspectively. I leave him to his thoughts because I know this is the best way for him to come to a solution. I eased over to him and wrapped myself around his tall frame and said, “I love you. You’re my favorite.” He smiled and leaned in for a kiss.

Cooking together feels like a lovely dance. He does all the chopping while I work my magic at the stove. We talk, process, and enjoy each other's company. This is our daily rhythm, the place where we find our way back to each other. The place we reconnect. 

Do you have a way to reconnect with your spouse?

In our midlife marriages we often feel distant from our mates. The cares of the world and the stress of children take a toll, and we have little left to support one another. We’ve been focused on our offspring for decades, leaving distance between us. This can cause us to feel disconnected. 

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Four Reasons Why You Can Trust God

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Four Reasons Why You Can Trust God

“And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek you.” - Psalm 9:10

When It’s Hard to Trust

At times, I allow my concerns for my grown children too much time in my head. I rehearse their struggles. I lament about where they’re at with God. I want to fix and rescue them because that’s what I did when they were young. I make God small, as I magnify their problems.

We find ourselves in this dark place of fear and doubt, don’t we, mommas? We’re perplexed and overwhelmed with our children’s difficult circumstances. We wonder why they walked away from Him. We fear for their future. We doubt their ability to make wise decisions. We question God’s ways.

We have two options in this season of motherhood: We can spend our days obsessed with our offspring’s struggles, worried, our lives devoid of peace, or we can experience the calm that comes from trusting God.

It’s normal to worry about our loved ones, but it becomes sin when we don’t turn it over to God. When we struggle with a lack of trust, it’s helpful to ask ourselves why do we struggle to trust God? What is it about His character that is lacking? Why do we want things to go the way we think they should? Why do we feel this need to control outcomes?

What The Bible Says About Trust

A short jaunt through the scriptures and we find endless reasons why God is trustworthy. Here are a few:

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” - Proverbs 3:5-6

“Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act.” - Psalm 37:4-5

“Our soul waits for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in him, because we trust in his holy name. Let your steadfast love, O LORD, be upon us, even as we hope in you.” - Psalm 33:20-22

“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD GOD is an everlasting rock.” - Isaiah 26:3-4

“Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the LORD GOD is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation.” - Isaiah 12:2

“And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek you.” - Psalm 9:10

“When I am afraid,I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?” - Psalm 56:3-4

“Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose trust is the LORD. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.” - Jeremiah 17:7-8

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