6 Powerful Ways to Cope When Grandparenting Hurts
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"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” -Psalm 73:26
Becoming a grandma is supposed to be one of life’s sweetest joys. But what happens when it brings unexpected sorrow instead?
As moms, we dream of the day our family legacy carries on through the laughter of grandchildren. We imagine snuggles, storytimes, and being part of their everyday lives. But for many of us, that dream hasn’t come to pass the way we hoped, and it hurts deeply.
Maybe your adult children have chosen not to have kids.
Maybe there’s distance, emotional or geographical, that keeps you apart.
Maybe you're not allowed to see your grandchildren due to estrangement or strained relationships.
Maybe the family calendar is so packed that there’s rarely time for visits.
Or maybe your kids are overwhelmed and anxious about letting their children spend time with you.
Whatever the situation, it leaves you grieving what could have been. And while you can’t control the circumstances, you can turn to the One who sees your heartache and promises to sustain you.
Friend, this is where faith meets reality. God is still near. He’s still working. And He offers you comfort, strength, and peace, even here.
Let’s walk through 6 powerful ways to cope when grandparenting hurts, and invite Jesus into the center of it all.
1. Manage Expectations
Unmet expectations are a fast track to disappointment, especially when it comes to something as tender as grandparenting. You picture how things should look, holiday gatherings, weekend visits, spontaneous snuggles, and when reality doesn’t match the dream, your heart aches.
But friend, you’ve lived long enough to know: expectations can quietly become demands. And when they do, they rob you of peace.
Your grown children were never meant to carry the weight of your happiness. That belongs to the Lord alone. Life can still be rich and full, even when it doesn’t unfold the way you hoped.
The invitation is to loosen our grip. Release the “shoulds” and “if onlys.” And trust that God’s plan, even when it looks different from yours, is still good.
“Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” - Proverbs 19:21
When you surrender your expectations to Him, you make room for His peace to rule your heart.
2. Accept Your Child’s Boundaries
One of the hardest parts of the empty nest years is learning to release control, and that includes how you show up in your adult children’s families.
They are now the gatekeepers of their homes. They decide where to live, how to parent, what their kids need, and yes, how much access they allow to grandparents. And while that may feel personal, it’s usually not meant to be.
Boundaries aren’t punishment. They’re an attempt to communicate needs and create peace in their home. It’s not rejection, it’s stewardship on their part.
As a mom, you can choose to see their boundaries as an opportunity to build trust rather than something to fight against. You don’t have to agree with every decision, but you can honor their role as parents and respond with grace.
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” - Romans 12:18
Peace grows when you lead with humility, not entitlement. When you respect their limits, you show them love, and that love may soften strained places over time.
3. Refuse to Become Embittered
Bitterness is a slow, silent poison. It creeps in through disappointment, settles into your heart, and before long, it leaks out in your words, your tone, and your presence. No one thrives in the shadow of an embittered mom or grandma. It doesn’t draw your family closer; it quietly pushes them away.
You don’t have to pretend everything is fine. But you do have a choice in how you respond. Bring your disappointment to the Lord. Let Him tend to your wounds, so you don’t harden your heart toward the people you love most.
The Holy Spirit within you produces something far more beautiful than bitterness: gentleness, patience, kindness, and peace.
“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” – Ephesians 4:31-32
When you lay down resentment and choose love, you keep the door of relationship open—and reflect the heart of Christ in your family.
4. Pray over Your Situation
There is nothing passive about prayer. It’s where real power begins.
When your heart is heavy and the ache of disappointment threatens to steal your joy, prayer becomes your lifeline.
God isn’t distant from your struggle; He is near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18). He welcomes your honesty and meets you with comfort. And in the quiet space of surrender, He begins to shift your heart, from sorrow to peace, from despair to hope, from control to trust.
As you keep bringing your family before the Lord, you’ll learn the deep, steady rhythm of intercession. You’ll stop trying to fix everything, and instead watch God do what only He can: tear down walls, soften hearts, and make a way where there seems to be none.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God… will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” -Philippians 4:6–7
Prayer won’t always change the circumstances right away, but it will change you. And in that holy exchange, you’ll find peace even in the waiting.
5. Trust God with the Outcomes
When life doesn’t look anything like you hoped, and your heart feels stretched thin, that’s when God gently whispers, “Do you trust Me here too?”
This isn’t naïve, wishful thinking. This is the kind of trust forged through years of walking with Jesus. You’ve seen His faithfulness in the past, you know He’s not about to fail you now.
Even when things feel uncertain or strained, you can rest in the truth that God is always at work behind the scenes. He’s healing what you can’t see. He’s softening hearts, opening doors, and weaving redemption into every broken piece, in His way and in His time.
You don’t have to grip the outcome. That’s not your job; it’s His. Your role is to stay surrendered, remain faithful, and trust that He’s writing a story bigger and more beautiful than you can imagine.
“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” -Psalm 27:13
6.Choose Unconditional Love
Love is the way of Jesus, and the most powerful gift you can offer your family.
You’ve lived long enough to know that love is not just a feeling, it’s a choice. A holy posture. A healing balm. When relationships feel strained or distant, unconditional love is what keeps the door open.
You don’t have to agree with every decision your adult children make. You don’t have to understand it all. But you can choose to respond with steady, grace-filled love, a love that isn’t withdrawn when things get hard, a love that doesn’t keep score or hold grudges.
“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” -1 Corinthians 13:7- 8
No matter what your children choose, you can be a consistent, present source of compassion and care. You love because He first loved you, and His love flowing through you can do more than you’ll ever know.
You’re right, grandparenting isn’t supposed to hurt. It’s meant to be fulfilling and sweet. But when it’s not, God’s faithfulness becomes a healing balm. Let His love steady your heart, soothe your sorrow, and fill you with peace that only He can give.
Let’s pray.
Dear Papa, this grandparenting is playing out the way I expected and I’m hurt. Please help me navigate this season with grace, trusting that you have good instore for me. Give me the grace to love my adult children well. Amen
Still struggling?
What did I say? Grab my free guide: 10 Things Not to Say to Your Adult Child(and 5 Ways to Stop Yourself From Saying Them), A starter list of things moms say that frustrate their adult children. Identify the statements that trip you up and learn strategies for more harmony and connection in your relationship with your grown children.
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