“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.” -Ecclesiastes 3:1

For most Christian moms, the wave of grief that follows launching a child is both unexpected and overwhelming, but it is completely normal. Overnight, the rhythm of daily life changes. The children who once filled the home with laughter, questions, and late-night snack raids are no longer near. Instead, longing creeps in. Moms find themselves wishing for just one more ordinary day of packing lunches, hearing the front door slam, or tripping over backpacks in the hallway.

The silence is deafening. Walking past a child’s empty bedroom can trigger a flood of tears, memories, and a painful awareness that life will never look quite the same. Moms who once felt confident in their role suddenly feel shaky, disoriented, and unsure of their purpose.

This tender ache has a name: transitional grief. It’s the emotional valley between what was and what is still becoming. The good news? It’s a season, not a life sentence. With honesty, healthy coping, and God’s grace, moms can move through this grief and discover new peace and purpose on the other side.

Now let’s unpack transitional grief: what it is, how to identify it, how to cope with it, and why trusting God makes all the difference.

Many Christian midlife moms silently wrestle with the idea of setting boundaries, especially when it comes to their adult children. We’ve been conditioned to believe that boundaries are harsh, unloving, or even a form of punishment for a child who’s struggling.

Church culture often reinforces the message that a godly woman should always sacrifice, always say yes, and always put her family first, no matter the cost. Over time, this well-meaning belief can lead to exhaustion, resentment, and relationships that feel anything but healthy.

But here’s the truth: the way you love your children needs to mature as they do.

When they were little, love looked like meeting their every need, late-night cuddles, scraped knees, and lunchboxes packed with care. But now that they’re adults, love looks different. It looks like wisdom, respect, and healthy boundaries.

As Christian counselor Leslie Vernick says, “Boundaries aren’t to push people away, but to create the space where love can grow safely.”

Setting boundaries isn’t selfish. It’s not unkind. It may be one of the greatest gifts we can offer our adult child, because boundaries pave the way for respect, growth, and lasting connection. Let’s look at six reasons why setting boundaries is a gift to our adult children.

Do you have a vision for the kind of mother-in-law you want to be?

 It’s common to see mother-in-laws portrayed as controlling, easily offended, and judgmental. What a heartbreaking perspective. It doesn’t have to be that way.

As a Christian mother-in-law, your role is to be a loving, supportive presence, not a source of tension or control. This requires intentionality and grace towards yourself as you learn this new role.

Here are some key things NOT to do if you want to build a strong, God-honoring relationship with your child’s spouse:

1. Don’t Compete for Your Child’s Loyalty

You are not in competition with your child’s spouse. Once your child is married, their spouse becomes their priority. You are willing to step aside as your child clings to their mate. This is God’s good plan for marriage as laid out in Genesis 2:24, “Leave his father and mother and cling to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”

"Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person"- Colossians 4:6

Careless Words

Bridgett busied herself in the kitchen as her son, Ian, was home from his senior year in college. He plopped down on the kitchen stool, heavy-hearted and stressed. Bridgett barely noticed her son’s downtrodden appearance. “School sucks, and I don’t think I can finish,” Ian said. 

“Oh, come on, you’ll be fine; it’s just finals stress. Everyone has it; you’ll get through it like I did 25 years ago. Buck up, Buddy, you’ll be fine,” Bridgett commented as she prepped the chicken for dinner.  Ian slouched on the stool, grabbed his backpack and coat, then slinked off to his bedroom. On his way up the stairs, Ian whispered, “Thanks a lot, Mom. Thanks for always making it about you.” 

“Sheesh,” Bridgett thought “That kid is such a baby. When will he ever grow up?”

As moms, we love our adult children deeply, and we want to stay connected with them. But sometimes, the words we say—often with good intentions—can create distance instead of drawing us closer. 

Without even realizing it, we might make them feel guilty, criticized, or like they’ll never quite measure up. If we want to have strong, healthy relationships with our adult kids, we must be mindful of what we say (and how we say it!). 

Here are ten phrases to avoid:

• You could call me sometime, ya know!

• Did you go to church this week?

• You should…!

• I thought you would have…!

• I just know how you are.

• Why can’t you put your phone down?

• You can’t move away from me!

• When are you going to get a real job?

• How much did you spend on that?

• I can’t drive that far to see you.

“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint”.- Isaiah 40:31

Holiday Tension

It felt like a rubber band was stretched across her chest as Julia scraped the dinner plates and loaded the dishwasher. Her daughter Maddie would be returning home for her break from university. Fear rushed in as Julia thought about their last difficult interaction. 

Julia was aloof and tense that weekend. She just didn’t seem like herself. Julia sensed something was going on but she couldn’t get Maddie to talk.  She woke Maddie up Sunday morning and said, “It’s time for church, Babe.”  “I’m not going.” Julia barked. Aghast, she yelled back. “What do you mean you’re not going? As long as you live in this house, you’ll go to church with your dad and I.”  “You can’t make me,” she hollered. 

 Julia quietly closed the bedroom door and slumped away to her bedroom to cry. “Where did I go wrong, Lord? she wailed, as tears stained her pillow. “She’s so far from you and I feel like an utter failure. Please help me.” she prayed. 

Reflecting over the weekend, Julia noticed every time she reached out to connect with Maddie, it felt like her walls were up. “Maybe she sensed my judgment?” she wondered. “Maybe I was unnecessarily harsh?” she thought. Just thinking about spending time with her daughter over the holidays stressed her out. “Lord, there’s got to be a better way. Please help me,” she prayed, as she wiped off the counters.

Does Julia’s story ring true for you? Do you identify with the heartache, pressure, and shame a mom carries when her grown child rejects her faith? 

Are you flooded with questions:

• Why God?

• Where did I go wrong?

• What will others think of me?

• What if they experience complete separation from God?

• How can we get along when we disagree?

Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”- Matthew 19:6

Lonely Evenings

Elizabeth scurries about the kitchen while she waits for her husband, Dave to come in from the garage. Frustration bubbles to the surface as she thinks “I worked all day too, why can’t he help me cook dinner?”  

She imagines another awkward evening at the dinner table with just the two of them. “It was so much easier when we were distracted by the kids,” she thinks. “Now I feel more alone than ever.” 

Sure, they’ll talk about work, but nothing really important. Dave will say a few words then retreat to his chair to watch sports while I read another book. They will spend another lonely evening together. “This is not how I imagined it to be.” Elizabeth thinks, “ Everyone says the empty nest is amazing, but mostly I feel sad and disconnected. How am I ever going to find my way back to my husband?” Liz wonders. 

Marital Satisfaction

How about you? How satisfied are you in your empty nest marriage?

Marital satisfaction can decline rapidly in the empty nest, especially when women feel disconnected from their mates. We want more in our empty nest marriages. We want it  to be more than two lives lived separately. We long for emotional intimacy, mutual satisfaction, and a fresh vision for our marriage. We dream of legacy and impact, not criticism, fault-finding and boredom.

What do we do if our empty nest marriage looks nothing like we imagined? 

“Show proper respect to everyone.” - 1 Peter 2:17

Discontent Rumbles

This low-level discontent rumbled in my heart for months. I was 26 years into our marriage, and I felt dissatisfied. Our nest started to empty but our busy ministry schedule, children’s activities, and obligations kept us running hard. 

Maybe I was tired. Maybe I was frustrated with the ministry, nevertheless, I took it out on my husband. 

He couldn’t do anything right, in my estimation. I’d mumbled under my breath and had critical, negative thoughts towards him. Oh, I didn’t act like anything was wrong. No sir! I kept up the charade! 

Even coworkers at the church office noticed how we snipped at each other. Pastor Adam, our worship leader, called us on it one day. “You guys sure bicker a lot!” he said. “We do?” I thought, slightly irritated and convicted by his comment. 

Here’s the deal, my husband knew nothing about my simmering contempt because I didn’t tell him. The problem wasn’t his behavior'; it was the condition of my heart. I allowed myself to be embittered and filled with contempt for his slightest missteps. I magnified his mistakes while I was puffed up with pride for what a great wife I was. 

Goodness! What a recipe for disaster. I’m grateful the Lord met with me through prayer as He dealt with my pride.  After reading Gary Thomas’, Sacred Marriage, I knew I needed to handle my heart (a.k.a. my sin). 

As Gary Thomas recommended, I made a list of all my husband's admirable qualities: personality traits, physical attributes, and character qualities. It wasn’t hard to come up with a beautiful, long list. My heart swelled as I continued to add to the list. Then I made another list: all the ways I fell short. I listed my sins and they were many. 

I was disgusted with myself, but I did not feel condemned. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I realized my shortcomings. God ministered to me, those weeks, as I prayed over these lists. My admiration for my husband grew and my understanding of all the ways I fell short had a lasting impact. I dealt with my pride before God and He was most tender with me. The contempt and discontent faded away. 

 “Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth.” - 1 Timothy 6:6

Longing for Christmas Past

Angela riffled through the familiar Christmas boxes, as she quietly set up the tree. Memories of Christmases past swirled through her mind. Christmas morning arrived with bleary eyed kids awake early, while gooey cinnamon rolls baked in the oven. The smell of cinnamon and a fresh brewed pot of coffee wafted through the home. The three eager kids were lined up on the couch, in their matching Christmas jammies, waiting for them to doll out their presents. “Which one did Santa bring?” the youngest exclaimed as Angela and her hubby shared a knowing glance.

Hours were spent on the floor playing with their new toys, while discarded Christmas wrapping and bows floated around the room. Lego sets were carefully organized at the table as little boys built their new creations. They could barely pull the kids away from their new treasures to enjoy a little Christmas breakfast. 

“I wonder what Christmas will be like this year?” Angela thought. I wish we could go back to those simple days when all the kids were at home. We had them all to ourselves. It was so easy. We didn’t have to share with in-laws. I wish we could just keep it all the same forever. I feel sad that those days are gone.  

A Season to Adapt

We long to cling to the good ole days when our kids were young and we knew exactly what to expect. It was easier. We weren’t required to adapt. We wouldn’t be disappointed. We understand this tension of longing for the past but realize we must adapt for the good of the whole.

 This is a new season with our adult children and holding on to old expectations is the surest way to ruin the holiday season for our whole family. We have a gracious God who willingly supports us as we learn new ways.

Let's define expectations so we’re all on the same page.  According to Collins Dictionary, a person's expectations are strong beliefs they have about the proper way someone should behave or something should happen.

For moms, a lot of expectations center around how we believe the holidays should look for our families. When our kids don’t meet those expectations it causes tension.Disappointment bubbles up, resentment brews.

Do you have expectations of what the holiday season should look like? Are you crushed when your expectations aren’t met by your grown kids? What if there were a better way for us to enjoy the holiday season with our growing families?

The Invitation to Pray

Have you ever had a directive straight from heaven? I heard the Spirit whisper clearly one day, “If you don’t pray for your adult children, who will?”

The impact of that question rattled around in my heart and head. Aside from their grandma, who was praying for our adult children? Besides their dad and I, who was interceding on their behalf? Maybe someone from church? Maybe their pastor? Maybe a few friends or their in-laws? The list seemed quite short in my estimation.

The significance of my “yes” to pray seemed magnified. “Challenge accepted, Holy Spirit!” I whispered.

We often feel unsettled when kids grow up and leave. We see them less often, and we have diminished impact over their choices. They have free will. They get to make their own path. This is God’s will for humanity. God wants our kids to choose Him but He will not force His hand. Instead He lovingly calls them to His heart.

We need to remember we still have influence through our prayers.

It’s a privilege to pray for our adult kids as they navigate relationships, health trials, young marriage, career choices, parenting “littles”, cultural wars, and what they believe about God.

Prayer is one thing we can do for our adult children. It’s an honor and privilege to intercede on their behalf. Prayer is the tool we use to surrender our wishes, and hold fast to the promises of God. Momma, you know how we are as moms. We think we know best and when life with our child doesn’t go how we think it should, we get a little upset. We question God’s goodness, we doubt His presence, and we feel abandoned. 

Prayer is the tool we use to reorient our hearts to God.

Stormie Omartian said it best in her book, The Power of Praying for Your Adult Children, “Prayer is not telling God what to do. Prayer is partnering with God to see that His will is done.”

More than anything I want God’s will done in my children’s lives. Even the ones who doubt He is real or feel hurt by the church. My continual prayer is they would have a fresh revelation of His great love for them.

“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.” - John 15:5 NL

Connecting with God

The sun bursts forth as my hubby and I head out for our early morning prayer walk. There’s something powerful about talking to God about our adult kids. Our five offspring are all out of college, four are married, and they are all pursuing careers they enjoy, and yet they all have struggles. Just like any family, ours deals with financial stressors, physical pain, sickness, mental health, relational strife, cultural wars, parenting issues, and managing adulthood well. This is all part of being human. Our kids will always have stressors, but we must respond with faith.

Moms have two options: worry relentlessly about our kids, or pray for them, releasing it all to God, allowing Him to have His way in their lives. As we stroll each morning, we lift our kids to God. He certainly knows what they need more than we. Each prayer is an act of surrender and a way to restore peace to us. Most of the stressors belong to our adult kids. They need to figure them out. We are here to love and support as they navigate adulthood with their own resources. 

My husband and I know that apart from God we are nothing. With God all things are possible. What a privilege to rely on Him as we release our adult kids to His capable hands. Blessed assurance rises in our souls as we pray.

How about you? 

Have you leaned into your relationship with God even more now that you’ve gently released your child into adulthood?  I often hear moms say, “I need God now more than ever before. It was so much easier when my kids were young.”

We want to cling, hold fast to old routines and familiar patterns and all the while God says, “Let them go and cling to Me. Everything you need, I have provided. I’m here. I’m for you. Move a little closer and let me show you I’m trustworthy.”

God waits for the weary, worried mom’s arrival. He’s ready to assist her as she pours out her anguish and fears and then remembers who He is to her.

Jesus uses the teaching from the vineyard to show us what it means to have a living breathing relationship with God, where we cultivate our union and bear fruit because of our connection with God.  “Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.” - John 15:5 NLT

“May God give you more and more mercy, peace, and love.”-Jude 1:2 NLT

Move in Day

The August sun beat down as we unloaded our overpacked cars and schlepped items up to the third floor of her dorm. We passed sweaty students, as eager parents made sense of the small spaces. Our youngest daughter, Keziah was bright with excitement as we unpacked boxes and got her closet arranged just right. Her dad lugged the refrigerator up three flights and lofted the bed. We were thankful for a breeze through her window.

We gobbled some Chick Fil-A, made a Target run, then one last sweep of her room. We didn’t want to stay too long or do too much for her.  She plopped down on her cute futon under the lofted bed with the matching comforter and fluffy throw pillows. She looked content in her space, with little plants speckled about the room. She seemed ready. This was our cue to head home.

Why did she seem so assured and confident? This one was fiercely independent. All I could think of was I wouldn’t see her sweet face every day.  A lump formed in my throat as we said our goodbyes. Soft tears rolled down our cheeks. I think she cried for us more than herself. We knew this young woman would prosper in every way. 

The three hour ride home was quiet for my hubby and I. The familiar sadness of separation logged in the pit of my stomach.  All I could think about was how fast those eighteen years with her went. After 30 years of parenting our five kids, the nest was empty. Though I had made this transition five times, it never got easier for me. 

Transitions

When we launch our children to college, the military, or a job in a new city, it is one of the biggest transitions we will make as moms. It’s a mixed bag of jubilation and sorrow, excitement, and dread. We know what we must face once we return home to an empty bedroom.

We will miss their adorable faces and everyday interactions. We will long for the pile of dirty dishes in their rooms, and the friends they brought home. We’ll miss their voice and plopping down on their beds to chat. They’re absence changes the family dynamic, and that’s an adjustment too.  

Many questions fill our thoughts: Will they make friends?  Will they be lonely or homesick? Will they be responsible? Will they continue to love God? Will they be safe?

This is the season where we let go of our kids and cling to God. 

We understand the assignment.

We recognize everything has changed, but we are not left alone to figure it out. 

God lavishes mercy, peace, and love on us. He’s tender with us. He understands our heartache and He equips us to do things differently. As we are infused with love and peace, we are able to relate to our emerging adults in a fresh way.

Have you ever received a surprise via email?

I opened my email and started reading about his gorgeous green book called, Midlife Battle Cry: Redefining the Mighty Second Half, by Dawn Barton. The email mentioned my niche to midlife women and asked if I’d be interested in a free copy. Well, my ears perked up and I said, “Yes, I’d love a free copy of this book.”  All I had to do, in return, was write a blog for “my people” and share it on social media. Easy Peasy. The book arrived a few days later.
That evening, I crawled into the hot bubble bath and opened the introduction. I was hooked, even though she jokingly said, “No one reads the introduction.” I always read the introduction because this is where the writer tells us what we get from reading said book.  

She talked about the shock of reaching the “fiddy” milestone birthday and all the expectations we carry along with a bag of regrets. We wonder what’s next and if we’re all a little washed up in midlife.She proposes the second half is the best and half and I have to agree. 

More About the Book

 From the back cover:  “In Midlife Battle Cry, hilarious bestselling author Dawn Barton blends stories, insights and –yes some sass—to inspire you to 

• embrace who you are physically, spiritually, and emotionally;

• make your midlife a pivot point into a bold and powerful season; 

• share your experience and wisdom; and 

• accept that sometimes adding arch support to your favorite shoes is the way to go.”

“Love does no wrong to others, so love fulfills the requirements of God’s law.” - Romans 13:10

Oh how we enjoy family time together! 

Our robust family of thirteen is spread across Missouri, Illinois, Minnesota, and Iowa. We gather together two-three times each year. When they were young, I never imagined the physical distance between us. It’s hard for all of us. The kids are constantly bickering about which state is the best to live in and why don’t we all join them there. 

Our adult kids traveled hundreds of miles and descended on our home weary and stiff, but happy to be there, for the long July 4th weekend. Hugs were shared as each family trudged up the front steps with suitcases and a few pets. 

Our normal, tidy home for two, was bustling with chaos and activity. The diabetic cat and the hyper Goldendoodle weren’t too fond of each other. We were vigilant to keep them apart. The coffee pot never stopped humming, and we went through an insane amount of Coke. Each family was in charge of a meal, from grocery shopping, prep, cooking, and cleanup. The bathrooms were busy, as the washing machine spun the dirty towels.

My Family Is Just Like Yours

We’re like any normal family. We have different values and beliefs. We say or do things that are insensitive. We get miffed with each other. We have our share of struggles, including mental health, financial, job transitions, friendship despair, philosophical, and religious differences, but we have purposed in our hearts to create a home where our grown kids are loved and welcomed, just as they are. We endeavor to apologize when necessary and listen well.

In her book Love, Pray, Listen, Mary DeMuth says this: “Your job is to create a haven relationship, one where your adult kids long to be near you because of how they feel in your presence.” It’s the heartbeat of what we’ve created with our grown children. We want to be a safe space for them. We want them to enjoy being with us. We want to love them as Christ loves us. 

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“Long ago the Lord said to Israel: “I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.” - Jeremiah 31:3

Tears in the Hallway

Flustered Erica dabbed the tears from her eyes and begged God for the courage to hold it together today. She bumped into her friend Julie and her mom, Nancy on the way into Bible Study. She tried to hide her tears, but they spilled out in the safety of friends. Julie reached out to Erica and pulled her into a warm hug. “Erica, what’s wrong?”

Choking back the tears, “I’m so upset! I don’t know what to do. My daughter was arrested last night. There was a huge party, and it was busted, and they were taken in. She’s so far from God, and I feel like a failure. Can you pray with me?” Erica sobbed. “Of course, sweet friend,” said Julie. Wise Nancy, with the warm brown eyes and kind grin, didn’t seem concerned at all. She placed her hand on Erica’s shoulder and said with a sly grin, “Oh sweetheart, she’s just working on her testimony.” 

Erica laughed and felt the tension ease from her body. Julie handed her a Kleenex, and they took in the truth of the poignant statement. Elizabeth was right. Calm settled over Erica as she realized God was still with her daughter. This wasn’t the way she wanted her daughter's story to go, but she couldn’t deny God's presence. 

They bowed their heads in the church hallway to pray. Erica’s breathing slowed, as the tears the tears stopped. She heard the still small voice whisper to her soul. “She needs your love more than anything.” Stunned by the revelation, Erica headed the voice of God and knew the best thing she could do was love her prodigal. 

Have you felt the sting of your child making poor choices?  Are they far from God, and you don’t know what to do?

It’s stunning what the Lord revealed to Erica in the midst of silence. When we pause and bow before Him, He speaks. We want to fuss and carry on when our children stray, but God invites us to love our prodigals well.

 We often focus on how we lack and our feelings of inadequacy. We shake our fists to heaven and say, “God it’s not supposed to be this way!” We’re distraught, confused, and disappointed. Yet amidst all that turmoil, God calls us to a higher assignment, love. It’s the upside down ways of the kingdom as we are invited to participate with God in His good work. 

What can we learn about God’s love?

When the Israelites roamed the desert for forty years, hell-bent on doing things their own way, God was incredibly patient. They constantly disobeyed God. The children of God bowed down to idols, complained relentlessly, and married the wrong people. They were stubborn and rebellious, yet God never gave up on them. 

“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” - Ecclesiastes 4:12

Our Daily Returning

Hubby and I gathered at our bright kitchen island as worship music played softly from the Alexa atop the fridge. He carried the stress and pressure of leading a church. I lugged the weight of being self-employed as a writer and life coach. Cooking together is a way to relax and unwind after a busy day.

He peeled the carrots and chopped the onions with precision, while I warmed the Dutch oven on the stove with a splash of olive oil. “How was your day?” he asked. “Good, I got a lot done at my desk, but my upper back is killing me,” I replied. With warm eyes, he met me at the stove and rubbed the tension away with his strong hands.  

He returned to chopping, deep in thought. “What are you thinking about, honey,” I asked. “I’m just processing a situation,” he said introspectively. I leave him to his thoughts because I know this is the best way for him to come to a solution. I eased over to him and wrapped myself around his tall frame and said, “I love you. You’re my favorite.” He smiled and leaned in for a kiss.

Cooking together feels like a lovely dance. He does all the chopping while I work my magic at the stove. We talk, process, and enjoy each other's company. This is our daily rhythm, the place where we find our way back to each other. The place we reconnect. 

Do you have a way to reconnect with your spouse?

In our midlife marriages we often feel distant from our mates. The cares of the world and the stress of children take a toll, and we have little left to support one another. We’ve been focused on our offspring for decades, leaving distance between us. This can cause us to feel disconnected. 

He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. -2 Corinthian 1:4

Can We Talk?

I recognized the name in my direct messages from decades ago. We met through mutual friends and had kids of similar ages. Anna reached out wanting to know if we could talk. I sent her a message welcoming a conversation.

I heard the heaviness in her voice as she held back tears. “I love my adult kids so much, and we have a great relationship, but I see changes in my son and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to mess this up,” she says. Her adult son was raised in the church and went to a Christian college, and now his lifestyle is completely anti-God, and he told her he no longer believes in God.

“I feel like such a failure,” she cried. “I remember feeling like that, too,” I sighed. “I didn’t know who to talk to about it. I can’t talk to people at church because they’ll judge me. I’m so worried I’m going to do something wrong to damage our relationship, and I don't want to do that,” she said. “I didn’t know where to turn, and I thought of you,” she said. We chatted for thirty minutes as she poured out her heartache. I silently whispered a prayer of thanks for God sent her my way. We need each other. I listened and encouraged as she felt relieved to talk about it.

Unsupported Moms

We have an army of forgotten moms trying to navigate their changing roles with their adult children. They wonder where all the experts went. Where is the book “What to Expect When Your Child Reaches Adulthood?”

Moms suffer in silence assuming they’ve completely ruined their kids. They carry grief and shame like boulders in backpacks, weighed down wherever they go.

They tried their best and didn’t receive the outcome they’d hoped for, and now they feel lost.

Moms like this are the reason I write, coach, and produce a weekly podcast, The Midlife Momma Podcast (click on it and you can listen in).

I don’t want them to feel alone anymore. I’ve been parenting my five adult kids for fourteen years and everything about how I parent them has changed. Love is still the cornerstone of our connection, but I’ve had to move to a more supportive role rather than a directive stance.

I’ve failed, fallen, grown, and rallied. I’ll share what works and what does not.

I want to encourage these seasoned moms and support them as they navigate the emotional rollercoaster of parenting their adult children.

Share Your Story

My hope is moms like this will come out stronger as they begin to share their stories. Honestly, we’re so much more alike than different. When one mom takes a defiant step of courage and shares her struggles, she creates an avalanche where other moms can be swept up in the freedom. Freedom comes as we bring our heartache into the light of Christ.

I hope to create a safe space where you can bravely share your disappointments and triumphs, knowing there is an army of women who understand and will offer you support and compassion.

What if moms didn’t cower in shame anymore, but talked about the challenges of parenting adult kids? Instead of staying silent in our churches or bible studies, could we talk openly about our struggles? Could we see the power of bringing our stories into the light?

“Trust in the Lord and do good.Then you will live safely in the land and prosper.” Psalm 37:3 NLT

Move In Day

The August sun beat down as we unloaded our overpacked cars and schlepped items up to the third floor of her dorm. We passed sweaty students, as eager parents made sense of the small spaces. Our youngest daughter, Keziah was bright with excitement as we unpacked boxes and got her closet arranged just right. Her dad lugged the refrigerator up three flights and lofted the bed. We were thankful for a breeze through her window.

We gobbled some Chick Fil-A, made a Target run, then one last sweep of her room. She plopped down on her cute futon under the lofted bed with the matching comforter and fluffy throw pillows. She looked content in her space, with little plants speckled about the room. She seemed ready. This was our cue to head home.

Why did she seem so assured and confident? This one was fiercely independent. All I could think of was I wouldn’t see her sweet face every day. A lump formed in my throat as we said our goodbyes. Soft tears rolled down our cheeks. I think she cried for us more than herself. We knew this young woman would prosper in every way.

The three hour ride home was quiet for my hubby and I. All I could think about was how fast those eighteen years with her went. After 30 years of parenting our five kids, the nest was empty. Though I have made this transition five times, it never got easier for me.

Transition

When we drop our child at college, it is one of the biggest transitions we will make as a mom.

“Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance—” Proverbs 1:5

Do you feel the tension, momma?

I remember wondering, what do I do now? I felt lost and confused as my child left home. What am I supposed to do with my emerging adult? What does it look like to let go of a child you poured your life into? How do I trust them when they’re on their own? Will they make good choices? Will they be responsible? Will they get hurt? What if they walk away from God?

We are trapped between the need to maintain what we have always done, as a mom, with the knowledge our role will change once our child reaches adulthood. We understood what was required of us when the kids were young. Systems and routines ruled the day as we confidently mothered our brood. Expectations were clear and each family member understood their role.

Now, there’s a shift.

We feel unsteady, unsure of how to move forward. We are required to adapt–to grow and expansion feels uncomfortable. We face one of the greatest transitions in our parenting, when our child becomes an adult.

Where is God in this? How can we rely on Him as we foster independence in our child and do the heart work required to navigate this change? How will we remain steady through this transition?

President of inLight Consulting Inc, Rob Streeter says this about transitions:

“When we go through a difficult transition, we must force our minds to acknowledge that God is a careful and purposeful orchestrator. ‘And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose’ (Romans 8:28). As the sovereign and omniscient Orchestrator, He has worked it all into His plan. I honestly don’t know of a greater encouragement than that.”

God is in the midst of this change. He orchestrates it all and there is no sweeter peace.

Change is inevitable and transitions are a part of life. The big question is: Are you ready to grow, or are you resistant to change? Will you refuse to adapt and create added stress in your relationship with your adult child? Will you partner with God as He helps you through this rocky phase?

I understand you feel nervous and unsure, but when you accept a growth mindset, you will flourish in this season. There is growth for you and your adult child. When you submit to the work, you will come through with a deep dependence on God and a strengthened bond with your grown child.