How People-Pleasing Hurts Your Relationship with Adult Child
/Are you a Pleaser?
No girl dreams of growing up as a people pleaser, but many do.
Christian women are taught to be helpful, serve, and support others. That’s great, but often, a mom gets lost in it all. She feels bitter, cheated, and inauthentic from trying to keep everyone in the family happy.
She put others’ needs before her own. This mom feels spread paper-thin and wonders why resentment constantly simmers under the surface.
There is a high cost of keeping the peace.
Let’s define it. People-pleasing is the desire to be agreeable, not create waves, and bring peace to our families. It seems innocent enough, but often, pleasing is driven by a sense of insecurity. It makes a mom feel needed and valued. She longs for her family’s approval, but she loses herself in the process.
People-pleasing can have a significant impact on moms with adult children, especially in the empty nest season. Here’s how it can play out and why it can be so draining:
1. Loss of Identity
When you are used to finding your worth in being needed, you may struggle when your adult children begin to pull away or assert independence. You often feel abandoned by your children, which creates greater insecurity when you're with them.
You feel there’s never enough time with them, and you yearn to be near them. Your neediness can affect your connection with your grown kids, who want to be autonomous. When you understand that the goal of motherhood is to surrender your children to build their own lives, you’ll have more peace. God has good things ahead for you in terms of purpose. Diligently pursue God’s will for your life now that your kids are grown.
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