Boundaries with Adult Children: Phrases and Behaviors to Avoid
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If you’ve ever hesitated to set boundaries with your adult child, you’re not alone. Many moms feel torn, worried they’ll come across as harsh, pushy, or unloving. Others simply don’t know the right words to use, so they stay quiet and hope things will get better on their own.
But here’s the truth: healthy boundaries are not about control, they’re about love. Boundaries create space for respect, clarity, and connection. They require courage, self-awareness, and honest communication. And as Christian moms, we have the comfort of knowing that boundaries are God’s idea.
Jesus modeled them beautifully. He withdrew to rest and pray, said “no” when necessary, and confronted unhealthy behavior with both truth and grace. He showed us that it’s possible to be firm without being unkind and that boundaries can actually strengthen relationships rather than tear them down.
That’s exactly what we long for as moms of grown children: deep connection that isn’t clouded by guilt, frustration, or resentment.
With that in mind, let’s look at six common phrases and behaviors to avoid when setting boundaries with your adult kids, so you can protect your relationship while honoring the Lord.
1. Don’t Speak in Anger
When we feel taken advantage of, resentment can simmer until it finally bubbles over. That’s when we’re tempted to snap, lash out, or say something we’ll regret. But anger rarely builds connection; it usually drives a wedge deeper.
Instead, take your frustration to the Lord first. Pray, journal, or take a walk to process your emotions before you speak. When your heart is calm, you’ll be able to approach your adult child with gentleness and wisdom. That way, the boundary you set won’t be clouded by harsh words but will be rooted in love, truth, and respect.
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