How to Strengthen Your Empty Nest Marriage When You Feel Like You’re Growing Apart

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The Ache in Your Marriage

Once the nest begins to empty, many women are caught off guard by an ache they didn’t expect: an ache in their marriage. The house grows quieter, the routines change, and suddenly the man you once partnered with in the daily chaos of raising kids feels farther away. He fills his time with projects in the garage or evenings with the guys. You try new hobbies, volunteer, and stay busy. Yet somehow, the space between you keeps widening, echoing louder in the silence.

When the kids are gone, the questions come quickly. What do we talk about now? Who are we without the roles that once defined us? Loneliness creeps in, and if we’re not careful, so does negativity. Criticism slips into our conversations. We begin to focus on what’s missing instead of what remains. Those small habits: eye rolls, assumptions, unspoken resentment, slowly isolate us from the very person who’s supposed to feel like home.

Grey Divorce

For many couples, this season can feel so unsettling that desperation sets in. We quietly wonder if we’ve simply grown apart. And the statistics don’t help ease our fears. There’s a reason “gray divorce” has become a common phrase; nearly 40% of divorces today involve couples over the age of 50, a staggering shift from just a few decades ago. That reality can make a struggling marriage feel fragile, even doomed.

But Momma, this does not have to be your story. The empty nest doesn’t have to signal the end of intimacy or connection. It can be an invitation to awareness, to intentional love, to prayerful rebuilding. Let’s talk about six grace-filled ways to strengthen your empty nest marriage when it feels like you’re growing apart and how God can meet you right here, in this tender season.

1. Practice Awareness

It can feel easier to stay busy and minimize the ache, but ignoring the distance doesn’t heal it. Awareness is the moment you stop numbing and start noticing. When you recognize that you and your husband are drifting, it’s not failure; it’s an invitation to take responsibility for what you can change.

You can’t change your spouse, but you can partner with God to examine your own heart. Notice where you’ve built walls instead of bridges. Pay attention to the moments you withdraw, shut down, or choose silence over connection. Ask yourself: What am I protecting? What am I afraid to name?

Awareness requires courage; the courage to acknowledge the distance and consider a different response. Sometimes the smallest shifts matter most: a softened tone, a curious question, a willing heart. Scripture reminds us, “Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord” -Lamentations 3:40. Healing often begins with honest reflection, and more often than not, it begins with you.

2. Cease Focusing on the Negative

It’s easy to notice what’s wrong. The unfinished projects, the emotional distance, the ways your husband disappoints you. But here’s the danger: what you focus on gets magnified. When you fixate on flaws, they begin to eclipse everything else, and before long, it feels like all you can see is what’s broken.

I’ve been there. During a season when three of our five kids had already left the nest, I found myself increasingly critical and quietly disappointed in my husband. One day in prayer, God gently interrupted my thinking. He challenged me to write down his positive attributes: physical, vocational, personality, and character. What surprised me was how quickly the list grew. As I wrote, my heart softened. Gratitude replaced frustration, and I was reminded what a gift this man truly is.

Nothing about my husband changed that day, but my perspective did. Scripture tells us, “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure…think about such things” -Philippians 4:8. Sometimes the most powerful work God does in a marriage begins with a simple shift in how we choose to see. Maybe that’s the shift your heart needs too.

3. Understand the Impact of Criticism

Few things cause a husband to retreat faster than criticism. When a man begins to believe he can’t do anything right in your eyes, he slowly pulls away. He looks for spaces where he feels competent, respected, and safe: time with friends, long hours at work, another project to fix or manage. Criticism doesn’t motivate him to lean in; it makes him feel small and unseen.

While this dynamic can certainly go both ways, it’s important to understand what happens in a man’s heart when he senses contempt or chronic dissatisfaction. Over time, he stops engaging, not because he doesn’t care, but because he no longer feels welcome. The distance grows, and both of you feel misunderstood and alone.

Instead, try a different approach. Shift from constant correction to intentional affirmation. This isn’t about pretending everything is fine or ignoring real issues. It’s about choosing words that build rather than tear down. Scripture reminds us, “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones”- Proverbs 16:24. When you lead with encouragement and speak life over your husband, you create space for connection to return. Try it and watch how the atmosphere in your marriage begins to soften.

4. Lead with Love

Love isn’t a feeling we wait for; it’s a posture we choose. In seasons of distance, it’s tempting to pull back and protect ourselves, but Scripture calls us to lead differently. The clearest picture of love isn’t found in romance; it’s found in action.

Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 13 give us a holy mirror to look into. Love is patient. Love is kind. It is not easily angered or rude. It keeps no record of wrongs. It protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres. That’s not sentimental language. It’s a daily, intentional way of showing up.

So pause and ask yourself:

  • Do I enter conversations with tenderness and grace?

  • Am I leading with patience, or with frustration?

    Have I been keeping score instead of extending mercy?

    Leading with love often looks simple, but it’s powerful. A kind word instead of a sharp one. A gentle touch. A sincere affirmation. An intentional moment of connection. Sometimes your husband doesn’t need everything to be fixed; he just needs reassurance that you’re still in this, even when things feel a little disconnected.

Scripture reminds us, “Let all that you do be done in love” -1 Corinthians 16:14. When love leads, walls come down, hearts soften, and connection has room to grow again.

5. Partner with God Through Prayer

When the distance feels like it’s widening, prayer becomes more than a spiritual discipline; it becomes a lifeline. Setting aside time to meet with God helps you lift your eyes from what feels broken and regain His eternal perspective. Before you try to fix your marriage, you’re invited to sit with the One who sees it clearly.

As you meet with Him, God does His quiet, faithful work. He heals what’s wounded, corrects what’s misaligned, and gently guides you toward a different response with your husband. You cannot change him, but you can partner with God in allowing Him to change you. As your heart softens, healing can flow into your relationship.

Prayer also stretches your faith. It loosens a stiff neck and replaces resignation with hope. Scripture reminds us, “Is anything too hard for the Lord?” -Genesis 18:14. Nothing in your marriage is beyond God’s ability to restore. It’s not too late. There is still time for mending, for renewal, for God to do what only He can do.

When it feels like the distance is widening, you can connect with God through prayer. Setting time aside to meet with God helps you hold on to His eternal perspective. 

As you meet with Him, He tenderly does the work of healing and guiding you to respond differently to your husband. You cannot change your husband, but you can partner with God in changing yourself. As you become more tender, healing can flow in your relationship.

As your faith is stretched and your stiff neck loosened, you're able to grab hold of faith and believe God for the impossible in your marriage. There’s nothing that God can’t restore. It’s not too late. There is still time for mending your relationship.

6. Find Common Ground

When distance grows, it’s easy to focus on how different you’ve become. Different interests. Different rhythms. Different ways of processing life. But healing often begins not by emphasizing what separates you, but by returning to what still connects you.

Start by revisiting the values that first shaped your marriage. What did you believe about commitment, faith, family, and partnership? Those shared foundations still matter. Scripture reminds us, “Can two walk together unless they are agreed?” -Amos 3:3. Agreement doesn’t mean sameness; it means choosing to walk in the same direction again.

Then, look for simple ways to meet in the middle. Do something enjoyable together, even if it feels small. Step into your husband’s world for a change: watch the game, take a ride in the golf cart, wander through a car show, cook alongside him in the kitchen. These moments aren’t about the activity itself; they’re about presence.

Common ground creates space for connection. It says, I still want to walk with you. I still care about what matters to you. And often, that willingness is enough to begin drawing two hearts closer again.

Momma, even when it feels like you and your husband are drifting apart, this season can serve as a gentle signal, not to give up, but to grow. It invites you to slow down, look inward, and honestly consider how you may be contributing to the distance. From that place of awareness, you can partner with God in the holy work of moving your heart closer to your spouse.

When you allow love to lead, through prayer, grace, and intentional connection, distance doesn’t have the final word. God is always able to soften hearts, restore intimacy, and renew what feels worn. Connection can be rebuilt. Hope can be reclaimed. And this season can become one of deeper unity than you ever imagined.

Let’s pray.

Dear Papa, I confess, I’m alarmed by the growing distance between my mate. I’m scared, and I need your help. Work in and through me to see things differently. Change me on the inside so I can love my husband well. I know you’ll take care of us. Amen.

Is this you?

  • Are you feeling distant in your relationship with your husband?

  • Is there unresolved conflict?

  • Do you find yourself being critical of him?

  • Would you like to partner with God through prayer to improve your connection with your mate?

The Marriage Awareness Worksheet is filled with powerful questions from Empty Nest Coach Pamela Henkelman, which you can ask yourself. This thoughtful exercise is just between you and God. With a bit of vulnerability and an open heart before God, you'll become aware of the minor adjustments you can make to experience a more harmonious marriage.

 Leave your name and email below to receive the free guide.

How to Manage Holiday Expectations with Adult Children: Six Grace-Filled Strategies for Peace and Connection

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As the holidays draw near, many moms feel that familiar tug of nostalgia. We long for the simpler days when everyone was gathered around the same table, laughter filled the kitchen, and no one had in-laws or work schedules to consider. Back then, life felt cozy and connected; our kids were close, and so were our hearts.

But now, the empty chairs sting a little. Our grown children have new homes, new traditions, and new responsibilities. And when the holidays don’t look like they used to, disappointment can quietly creep in. We picture what should be, and before we know it, those expectations begin to steal our joy and strain our relationships.

Momma, what if this year looked different, not worse, just different, and still full of meaning? What if we could approach the holidays with open hands, trusting that God can make beauty out of change?

Proverbs 16:9 reminds us, “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.” When we release our tight grip and let Him lead, peace begins to take root.

Let’s look at six grace-filled strategies to help you navigate holiday expectations with peace, flexibility, and deeper connection this season.

1. Be Self-Aware

Momma, have you ever felt that quiet heaviness during the holidays and couldn’t quite explain why? You love your family deeply, but something feels off. You miss how things used to be: the matching pajamas, the early morning giggles, the house buzzing with activity. You’re holding on to those precious memories, and that’s okay. But sometimes, clinging too tightly to what was can make it hard to receive the new season God has for you.

When your emotions start to spiral, when you’re irritable, hurt, or easily disappointed, it’s often a sign that unspoken expectations are running the show. Becoming self-aware helps you name what’s really going on beneath the surface. It’s not about guilt or shame; it’s about grace and growth.

Take time to pause and invite God into that inner space. Ask Him to reveal what’s stirring in your heart and to replace frustration with peace.

Psalm 139:23–24 says, “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

2. Name What You’re Holding

Momma, the purest way to manage those uncomfortable emotions that surface during the holidays is to name them. Don’t shove them down or pretend they’re not there. Have the courage to pause and ask yourself, “What am I really feeling?” Is it disappointment that your grown kids can’t all be home this year? Resentment because you feel left out of their plans? Maybe it’s sadness, rejection, or even fear that family traditions are slipping away.

Whatever you’re holding, bring it into the light. God can’t heal what we hide, but He lovingly meets us in what we’re honest about. When we name our emotions with self-compassion instead of judgment, we make room for grace. We’re not weak for feeling deeply; we’re human and beloved.

Psalm 34:18 reminds us, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

So, take a breath and whisper your truth to God. Let His gentle presence meet you in the ache. When we stop pretending everything’s fine and honestly name our pain, we open the door for His comfort and healing to flow in.

3. Understand the Impact of Expectations

Momma, let’s be honest, most of our holiday stress starts right here. Expectations can sneak in quietly, dressed as good intentions. We imagine what the holidays should look like, how the house should feel, and who should be around the table. But when reality doesn’t match our vision, disappointment moves in, and suddenly our joy feels stolen.

Holding too tightly to expectations not only hurts you, it strains your connection with your adult children. When you insist things go your way, you unknowingly communicate, “My comfort matters more than our relationship.” That’s never your heart, but it can feel that way to them. Grown kids want to come home because they’re welcomed, not guilted.

The truth is, expectations create pressure, but grace creates peace. When you release your grip, you make space for empathy, flexibility, and authentic joy.

James 3:17 reminds us, “But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.”

When you trade your expectations for God’s wisdom, peace begins to flow again. You start to value connection over control, and that’s where the sweetest holiday moments are found.

4. Practice Flexibility to Build Connection

Momma, the antidote to unmet expectations is flexibility. When you loosen your grip on how the holidays should look, you open your hearts to the beauty of what can be. A flexible mom knows that Christmas morning might not happen on December 25th, and that’s okay. What matters most is being together, whenever and however that happens.

A flexible mom listens with love. She shares what’s meaningful to her but also makes space for what matters to her grown kids. She doesn’t stew in disappointment when plans shift or someone can’t make it home. Instead, she blesses the time she does have and chooses gratitude over grumbling. Her gentle adaptability becomes the glue that holds her family close, even across miles and time zones.

Philippians 2:4 reminds us, “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

When you model humility and flexibility, you show your children what love looks like in action. The result? Deeper connection, softer hearts, and a home, whether full or quiet, that radiates peace and grace.

5. Partner with God in Surrender

Momma, surrender isn’t giving up; it’s giving over. As a parent of adult children, you’re learning that surrender is the secret to peace and strong connection. It’s laying down your expectations, not in defeat, but in trust. Trust that God loves your family even more than you do.

You can bring every disappointment, every lonely ache, and every “this isn’t how I pictured it” moment to a gracious God who never shames or condemns. In surrender, you place your desires at the feet of Jesus and whisper, “Your will, not mine.” You loosen your grip on the past and open your hands to the new thing God is doing right now.

Isaiah 26:3-4 promises, “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal.”

Surrender anchors your soul in peace. You stop striving to control and start resting in God’s faithful hands. Even in the ache, you can be confident. He’s working in your heart, in your children’s lives, and in the story He’s still writing for your family.

6. Things Can Look Different and Still Be Good

Momma, this season may not look like years past, but that doesn’t mean it’s any less beautiful. When we release what was, we make space to see what is. God is still here, weaving His goodness through every moment, even the quiet ones.

As you accept the changes in your family’s holiday rhythm, take notice of His presence in the simple things: a conversation that makes you laugh, the warmth of a candle, a moment of stillness that softens your heart. When you center yourself on God’s faithful love, gratitude begins to grow. The pressure fades, and peace settles in.

Those who gather around your table, whether few or many, will feel that peace. Your contentment fills your heart and spills over unto everyone around you. 

Psalm 27:13 says, “I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.”

Things can look different and still be so very good. God is near, His goodness surrounds you, and your family is lovingly held in His hands.

Momma, expectations don’t have to steal your joy this holiday season. When we recognize how they shape our emotions and relationships, we can pause, reflect, and invite God to help us adjust. As we become more self-aware, flexible, and surrendered, our home becomes a place of peace, one that our adult children want to return to.

Remember, the heart of the holidays isn’t found in perfect plans or everyone being together, it’s found in the presence of God and the love that flows from Him through you. Whatever this season looks like, it can still be good, because God is good, and He’s right there in the middle of it all.

Let’s pray.

Dear Papa, help me release any expectations I carry so they don’t rob me of the joy of celebrating this holiday season. Help me be flexible as we make family plans. Help me honor You and spread love to my family this holiday season. Amen

Still struggling?

The Transitional Grief Journaling Guide is a faith-filled resource designed to help empty nest moms process the deep emotions of letting go. Through six guided reflection questions, you’ll name your feelings, invite God into your grief, and discover His comfort in the middle of change. This gentle companion will remind you that transitional grief is only a season and God is leading you toward peace, purpose, and joy.

Don’t Avoid the Tough Talk: How to Start Holiday Planning Conversations with Adult Kids

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Don’t Avoid the Tough Talk: How to Start Holiday Planning Conversations with Adult Kids

As soon as November rolls around, the countdown to the holidays begins, and so does the pressure. Moms everywhere start asking the same questions: What will Thanksgiving look like this year? Will we all be together for Christmas? How do I honor our traditions without overwhelming my adult kids, or myself?

It’s completely normal to feel a mix of excitement and anxiety as the season approaches. You want to hold onto the warmth and connection of years past, but deep down, you know things are changing. One of the biggest emotional shifts a mom faces is accepting that holidays with adult children won’t look like they did when the kids were little, and that’s okay.

Instead of avoiding the discomfort, be the one to open the conversation. Talking openly about holiday plans can prevent misunderstandings, reduce stress, and even strengthen your relationships. With these six strategies, you’ll learn how to approach the holidays with more clarity, flexibility, and peace. They may look different, but they can still be just as meaningful.

1. Stop Avoiding the Elephant in the Room

The holidays are coming. Everyone knows it, but that doesn’t mean anyone’s talking about it. If you're like most moms, you may find yourself avoiding the conversation with your adult kids, hoping to sidestep disappointment or conflict. Maybe deep down, you already sense they won’t be coming home, and saying it out loud makes it real.

But here’s the truth: the longer you avoid the conversation, the more tension quietly builds. As the mom, you’re still the emotional leader in your family. When you take the courageous step to initiate the dialogue, you create space for honesty, tenderness, and understanding. You’re not being pushy. You’re paving the way for peace.

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Boundaries with Adult Children: Phrases and Behaviors to Avoid

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Boundaries with Adult Children: Phrases and Behaviors to Avoid

If you’ve ever hesitated to set boundaries with your adult child, you’re not alone. Many moms feel torn, worried they’ll come across as harsh, pushy, or unloving. Others simply don’t know the right words to use, so they stay quiet and hope things will get better on their own.

But here’s the truth: healthy boundaries are not about control, they’re about love. Boundaries create space for respect, clarity, and connection. They require courage, self-awareness, and honest communication. And as Christian moms, we have the comfort of knowing that boundaries are God’s idea.

Jesus modeled them beautifully. He withdrew to rest and pray, said “no” when necessary, and confronted unhealthy behavior with both truth and grace. He showed us that it’s possible to be firm without being unkind and that boundaries can actually strengthen relationships rather than tear them down.

That’s exactly what we long for as moms of grown children: deep connection that isn’t clouded by guilt, frustration, or resentment.

With that in mind, let’s look at six common phrases and behaviors to avoid when setting boundaries with your adult kids, so you can protect your relationship while honoring the Lord.

1. Don’t Speak in Anger


 When we feel taken advantage of, resentment can simmer until it finally bubbles over. That’s when we’re tempted to snap, lash out, or say something we’ll regret. But anger rarely builds connection; it usually drives a wedge deeper.

Instead, take your frustration to the Lord first. Pray, journal, or take a walk to process your emotions before you speak. When your heart is calm, you’ll be able to approach your adult child with gentleness and wisdom. That way, the boundary you set won’t be clouded by harsh words but will be rooted in love, truth, and respect.

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Why Setting Boundaries Is One of the Best Gifts You Can Give Your Adult Child

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Why Setting Boundaries Is One of the Best Gifts You Can Give Your Adult Child

Many Christian midlife moms silently wrestle with the idea of setting boundaries, especially when it comes to their adult children. We’ve been conditioned to believe that boundaries are harsh, unloving, or even a form of punishment for a child who’s struggling.

Church culture often reinforces the message that a godly woman should always sacrifice, always say yes, and always put her family first, no matter the cost. Over time, this well-meaning belief can lead to exhaustion, resentment, and relationships that feel anything but healthy.

But here’s the truth: the way you love your children needs to mature as they do.

When they were little, love looked like meeting their every need, late-night cuddles, scraped knees, and lunchboxes packed with care. But now that they’re adults, love looks different. It looks like wisdom, respect, and healthy boundaries.

As Christian counselor Leslie Vernick says, “Boundaries aren’t to push people away, but to create the space where love can grow safely.”

Setting boundaries isn’t selfish. It’s not unkind. It may be one of the greatest gifts we can offer our adult child, because boundaries pave the way for respect, growth, and lasting connection. Let’s look at six reasons why setting boundaries is a gift to our adult children.

  1. Boundaries are love with limits:

At their core, boundaries aren’t about control, they’re about clarity and care. They help you recognize where your responsibility ends and your adult child’s begins. Boundaries remind you that while you love deeply, you are not responsible for managing your child’s life, emotions, or outcomes.

Think of a boundary like a fence around your yard, not a wall to keep people out, but a clear marker of where your space begins. There’s a gate, and you get to decide what comes in and what stays out. That gate is guided by wisdom, not guilt. By grace, not fear.

When you set healthy boundaries, you’re not withholding love; you’re offering it in a form that honors both you and your child. You’re saying: "I love you enough to let you grow. I trust you enough to let you take responsibility for your own choices. And I respect myself enough to protect my emotional and spiritual well-being."

That’s not selfish. That’s mature, Christ-centered love.

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What to Do When Your Adult Child Won't Launch

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What to Do When Your Adult Child Won't Launch

Launching is a normal and necessary part of life with our young adult children, but what happens when they don’t want to leap into the great big world?

I’m not talking about kids who can’t launch due to health issues or developmental delays. I’m talking about the ones who won’t launch. The ones who seem perfectly content letting you make the decisions, pay the bills, and carry the weight of their adult responsibilities.

Of course, it’s completely appropriate for young adults to return home for a season, between college semesters, job changes, or before getting married. We want our homes to be a safe place for them to land. But that’s not what this is about.

This is about the emotional toll of watching your capable child stay stuck. It’s draining. Confusing. Maybe even a little scary. You might be wondering, Did I do too much? Am I enabling them? Is this codependency?

If you’re wrestling with those questions, you’re not alone. Let’s look at six practical steps you can take when your adult child resists launching, and how you can lovingly shift the dynamic without losing the relationship.

1. Practice Healthy Communication

Open, honest communication is key when your adult child is reluctant to launch. Be clear and direct about your concerns, but also take time to listen, really listen, with curiosity and compassion. Ask thoughtful questions, not to lecture or pressure, but to understand what’s going on in their heart and mind.

At the same time, don’t shy away from sharing your own perspective. Speak with love and humility, expressing how their choices impact you and the household. Keep the conversation two-sided and ongoing. It’s through consistent, respectful dialogue that trust is built and change becomes possible.

“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” -Colossians 4:6 

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Secrets to Being a Mother-in-Law Who Loves Without Overstepping

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Secrets to Being a Mother-in-Law Who Loves Without Overstepping

"That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh"- Genesis 2:24

Navigating the changing dynamics of family life can be both beautiful and challenging. As your child enters a serious relationship and eventually chooses a spouse, your role as a mom shifts in meaningful ways. It’s a transition filled with opportunities to grow in love, grace, and wisdom.

You set the tone in your relationship with your daughter- or son-in-law from the beginning. Your words, actions, and heart posture toward them can either build a bridge of unity or create walls of distance. This new chapter requires intentionality and humility, but it also holds the potential for deep, lasting relationships that bless generations.

Let’s explore how you can be a positive, loving presence that strengthens your child’s marriage, honors God’s design for families, and ultimately brings you greater peace and joy.

You Set the Tone

You set the tone in your relationship with your daughter- or son-in-law. When your child gets serious about a relationship, you must guard how you respond to their potential mate. One critical or judgmental comment can produce wariness for your child’s future spouse.

Be mindful of your words. Therapist Heather Bjur recommends that you have one hundred percent positive regard for your child’s spouse. If you have a problem with something your child’s mate does, you take it up with God and continue to be a loving presence. You are not responsible for your child’s spouse's behavior, but you are responsible for yourself. Choose wisely, momma.

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Ten Things Not to Say to Your Adult Child

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Ten Things Not to Say to Your Adult Child

"Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person"- Colossians 4:6

Careless Words

Bridgett busied herself in the kitchen as her son, Ian, was home from his senior year in college. He plopped down on the kitchen stool, heavy-hearted and stressed. Bridgett barely noticed her son’s downtrodden appearance. “School sucks, and I don’t think I can finish,” Ian said. 

“Oh, come on, you’ll be fine; it’s just finals stress. Everyone has it; you’ll get through it like I did 25 years ago. Buck up, Buddy, you’ll be fine,” Bridgett commented as she prepped the chicken for dinner.  Ian slouched on the stool, grabbed his backpack and coat, then slinked off to his bedroom. On his way up the stairs, Ian whispered, “Thanks a lot, Mom. Thanks for always making it about you.” 

“Sheesh,” Bridgett thought “That kid is such a baby. When will he ever grow up?”

As moms, we love our adult children deeply, and we want to stay connected with them. But sometimes, the words we say—often with good intentions—can create distance instead of drawing us closer. 

Without even realizing it, we might make them feel guilty, criticized, or like they’ll never quite measure up. If we want to have strong, healthy relationships with our adult kids, we must be mindful of what we say (and how we say it!). 

Here are ten phrases to avoid:

  • You could call me sometime, ya know!

  • Did you go to church this week?

  • You should…!

  • I thought you would have…!

  • I just know how you are.

  • Why can’t you put your phone down?

  • You can’t move away from me!

  • When are you going to get a real job?

  • How much did you spend on that?

  • I can’t drive that far to see you.

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Six Biblical Ways to Improve Communication and Restore Connection in Empty Nest Marriage

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Six Biblical Ways to Improve Communication and Restore Connection in Empty Nest Marriage

Communication can strengthen a marriage or create distance, especially in the empty nest season. After years of parenting, many couples find themselves struggling to reconnect in meaningful ways. Without kids in the house, conversations can feel routine or worse—strained. 

We must rebuild trust and connection through meaningful communication as we settle into our empty nest marriages. There are many advantages to this season of life. We have freedom in our schedules as we’re not schlepping kids around anymore. We have years of shared history that bind us together. Let’s celebrate what God has done through the years.

We need an extra measure of grace and honesty from each other. It’s okay to say to our husbands, “I miss us. I miss the closeness we used to have. I want to be better together. Can we work on this?

God’s Plan for Marriage

 God designed marriage to be a lifelong partnership filled with love, grace, and understanding. If you and your spouse want to deepen your connection, these six biblical principles will help you improve communication and build a stronger, more joy-filled relationship.

1. Prioritize Intentional Conversations:

With the kids out of the house, it’s easy to slip into routines without real connection. Set aside time daily—even just 15 minutes—to talk about more than schedules and to-do lists. Ask, How’s your heart today?

My husband came home from a conference and asked me, “How’s your heart?” And I never felt more seen. It was an invitation to share whatever was on my heart, the good and the bad, the hopes and frustrations. I started asking him the same question, and it took our communication to a deeper level. 

“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” – Colossians 4:6

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How to Reconnect with Your Partner After the Kids Leave Home

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How to Reconnect with Your Partner After the Kids Leave Home

Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”- Matthew 19:6


Lonely Evenings

Elizabeth scurries about the kitchen while she waits for her husband, Dave to come in from the garage. Frustration bubbles to the surface as she thinks “I worked all day too, why can’t he help me cook dinner?”  

She imagines another awkward evening at the dinner table with just the two of them. “It was so much easier when we were distracted by the kids,” she thinks. “Now I feel more alone than ever.” 

Sure, they’ll talk about work, but nothing really important. Dave will say a few words then retreat to his chair to watch sports while I read another book. They will spend another lonely evening together. “This is not how I imagined it to be.” Elizabeth thinks, “ Everyone says the empty nest is amazing, but mostly I feel sad and disconnected. How am I ever going to find my way back to my husband?” Liz wonders. 

Marital Satisfaction

How about you? How satisfied are you in your empty nest marriage?

Marital satisfaction can decline rapidly in the empty nest, especially when women feel disconnected from their mates. We want more in our empty nest marriages. We want it  to be more than two lives lived separately. We long for emotional intimacy, mutual satisfaction, and a fresh vision for our marriage. We dream of legacy and impact, not criticism, fault-finding and boredom.

What do we do if our empty nest marriage looks nothing like we imagined? 

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Ten Proven Tips for Handling Tough Conversations with Your Adult Child

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Ten Proven Tips for Handling Tough Conversations with Your Adult Child

With any great dish, we need the right mix of ingredients for the recipe to turn out well. The same goes for our conversations with our adult children, especially when it involves difficult topics. 

You can’t hope it goes well. When we are haphazard with our words and actions, we create tension and stress in our relationships. Our bond is broken and bitterness can invades our union.

 When we prepare well and keep a few principles in place, we can navigate a difficult topic with confidence. Our relationship remains intact. In fact, it might even be stronger when we’re finished because we’ve kept these guiding principles in mind:

1.You must be courageous.

   When I work with my coaching clients, they are often plagued with fear, when it comes to discussing difficult topics with their children. They end up not having the conversation and their relationship fails. 

When you ask God to fill you with courage, He will. He is faithful. You never go into any difficult conversation alone. The Holy Spirit is present to give you confidence and strength. Don’t wait to be unafraid; move forward in spite of any nervousness you feel. 

The Big Question: How could your relationship improve if you had more courage?

2. You need to choose the right timing.

    Avoid having important conversations when either of you are distracted, tired, or hungry. Be courteous and thoughtful. However, don’t be hyper vigilant thinking everything has to be perfect or you’ll never have the conversations. Be mindful of the season of life, work habits, and your child’s emotional capacity, before you have the conversation.

The Big Question: Is there anything going on that would be a hindrance to this conversation?

3.  You need to practice effective listening.

   Your job is to listen to understand. You want to fully engage by not trying to think of what you’ll say next. Instead, listen for the unspoken, nonverbal cues too, so you have a complete picture of what your child is saying.

The Big Question: What could be a positive outcome of you listening well?

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Why Difficult Conversations with Your Adult Child Strengthens Your Relationship

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Why Difficult Conversations with Your Adult Child Strengthens Your Relationship

 Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. - James 1:19

Avoidance Tactics

Elizabeth stared out the window as she drove with her husband to the grocery store. She ruminated over a missed opportunity with her youngest daughter, Mackenzie. Instead of feeling courageous, she shrank into fear and avoided a hard conversation with Mac. 

She noticed her daughter talked less about God. Mac was a junior in college and she rarely attended church. Her once loved Bible was untouched on a shelf in her childhood bedroom. She always had an excuse not to attend: work, a college project, or weekends away with friends. Mackenzie declined whenever mom invited her to church too.

 Elizabeth wanted to bring it up, but she was afraid of offending her daughter. Everytime she tried to talk about it she would shrink back, fearing she didn’t have the right words.

 Deep down she didn’t really want to know why Mac had walked away from God. She felt like a failure as a mom. It was easier to remain at surface level with her daughter instead of wading in deep. “What if she rejects God forever,” Elizabeth thought. “I couldn’t bear that.” 

Avoiding the topic made Eliabeth feel far away from her daughter. All she was left with was a gaping hole in their relationship. “There has to be a better way,” she thought.  “It’s time we talked about it.”

Have you ever tiptoed around a conversation with your adult child?

We worry about not having the right words. We don’t want to come across as overbearing  or close-minded. Often we feel inadequate knowing we need grace and kindness as we approach the subject. We understand we can’t become defensive, but we don’t know what that looks like.

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