Transitional Grief in the Empty Nest: What It Is and How to Cope

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Transitional Grief in the Empty Nest: What It Is and How to Cope

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.” -Ecclesiastes 3:1

For most Christian moms, the wave of grief that follows launching a child is both unexpected and overwhelming, but it is completely normal. Overnight, the rhythm of daily life changes. The children who once filled the home with laughter, questions, and late-night snack raids are no longer near. Instead, longing creeps in. Moms find themselves wishing for just one more ordinary day of packing lunches, hearing the front door slam, or tripping over backpacks in the hallway.

The silence is deafening. Walking past a child’s empty bedroom can trigger a flood of tears, memories, and a painful awareness that life will never look quite the same. Moms who once felt confident in their role suddenly feel shaky, disoriented, and unsure of their purpose.

This tender ache has a name: transitional grief. It’s the emotional valley between what was and what is still becoming. The good news? It’s a season, not a life sentence. With honesty, healthy coping, and God’s grace, moms can move through this grief and discover new peace and purpose on the other side.

Now let’s unpack transitional grief: what it is, how to identify it, how to cope with it, and why trusting God makes all the difference.

1. What Is Transitional Grief?


 Transitional grief is the deep sadness that arises whenever life shifts in a significant way. In the empty nest, it comes when your child leaves home and daily life as you’ve known it changes forever. You may feel torn: proud and excited to see your child step into their future, yet aching at the empty space they leave behind. That tension is normal. It’s not weakness or failure; it’s the natural grief of letting go.

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Why Setting Boundaries Is One of the Best Gifts You Can Give Your Adult Child

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Why Setting Boundaries Is One of the Best Gifts You Can Give Your Adult Child

Many Christian midlife moms silently wrestle with the idea of setting boundaries, especially when it comes to their adult children. We’ve been conditioned to believe that boundaries are harsh, unloving, or even a form of punishment for a child who’s struggling.

Church culture often reinforces the message that a godly woman should always sacrifice, always say yes, and always put her family first, no matter the cost. Over time, this well-meaning belief can lead to exhaustion, resentment, and relationships that feel anything but healthy.

But here’s the truth: the way you love your children needs to mature as they do.

When they were little, love looked like meeting their every need, late-night cuddles, scraped knees, and lunchboxes packed with care. But now that they’re adults, love looks different. It looks like wisdom, respect, and healthy boundaries.

As Christian counselor Leslie Vernick says, “Boundaries aren’t to push people away, but to create the space where love can grow safely.”

Setting boundaries isn’t selfish. It’s not unkind. It may be one of the greatest gifts we can offer our adult child, because boundaries pave the way for respect, growth, and lasting connection. Let’s look at six reasons why setting boundaries is a gift to our adult children.

  1. Boundaries are love with limits:

At their core, boundaries aren’t about control, they’re about clarity and care. They help you recognize where your responsibility ends and your adult child’s begins. Boundaries remind you that while you love deeply, you are not responsible for managing your child’s life, emotions, or outcomes.

Think of a boundary like a fence around your yard, not a wall to keep people out, but a clear marker of where your space begins. There’s a gate, and you get to decide what comes in and what stays out. That gate is guided by wisdom, not guilt. By grace, not fear.

When you set healthy boundaries, you’re not withholding love; you’re offering it in a form that honors both you and your child. You’re saying: "I love you enough to let you grow. I trust you enough to let you take responsibility for your own choices. And I respect myself enough to protect my emotional and spiritual well-being."

That’s not selfish. That’s mature, Christ-centered love.

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What to Do When Your Adult Child Won't Launch

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What to Do When Your Adult Child Won't Launch

Launching is a normal and necessary part of life with our young adult children, but what happens when they don’t want to leap into the great big world?

I’m not talking about kids who can’t launch due to health issues or developmental delays. I’m talking about the ones who won’t launch. The ones who seem perfectly content letting you make the decisions, pay the bills, and carry the weight of their adult responsibilities.

Of course, it’s completely appropriate for young adults to return home for a season, between college semesters, job changes, or before getting married. We want our homes to be a safe place for them to land. But that’s not what this is about.

This is about the emotional toll of watching your capable child stay stuck. It’s draining. Confusing. Maybe even a little scary. You might be wondering, Did I do too much? Am I enabling them? Is this codependency?

If you’re wrestling with those questions, you’re not alone. Let’s look at six practical steps you can take when your adult child resists launching, and how you can lovingly shift the dynamic without losing the relationship.

1. Practice Healthy Communication

Open, honest communication is key when your adult child is reluctant to launch. Be clear and direct about your concerns, but also take time to listen, really listen, with curiosity and compassion. Ask thoughtful questions, not to lecture or pressure, but to understand what’s going on in their heart and mind.

At the same time, don’t shy away from sharing your own perspective. Speak with love and humility, expressing how their choices impact you and the household. Keep the conversation two-sided and ongoing. It’s through consistent, respectful dialogue that trust is built and change becomes possible.

“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” -Colossians 4:6 

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6 Key Tips to Launching Your Child Well Into Adulthood

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6 Key Tips to Launching Your Child Well Into Adulthood

As summer fades and a new season approaches, many moms find themselves standing at the edge of one of the most emotional and transformative milestones of motherhood: launching a child into adulthood. Whether your son or daughter is heading to college, joining the military, starting a job, moving into their own place, or taking a gap year to explore the world, this season requires deep courage, wisdom, and a willingness to let go.

Every launch looks different, but one thing remains the same: your role as mom is shifting. And navigating that shift with grace doesn’t just happen; it takes intentionality. Here are six powerful tips to help you release well, support wisely, and stay grounded in your faith as your child steps into their future.

1. Don’t Make It About You

It’s natural to feel the weight of this transition, after all, it’s a big shift for you, too. But your young adult needs space to focus on their next steps, not your sadness. Resist the urge to express how hard their move is on you. Instead, be fully present and supportive as they step into independence. This is their moment to grow, stretch, and fly, and your steady presence, not your pain, will give them the confidence to move forward.

As Philippians 2:4 reminds us, “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” When you prioritize your child’s needs over your own fears, you reflect the selfless love of Christ, and that’s a gift they’ll carry into adulthood.

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6 Powerful Ways to Cope When Grandparenting Hurts

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6 Powerful Ways to Cope When Grandparenting Hurts

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” -Psalm 73:26

Becoming a grandma is supposed to be one of life’s sweetest joys. But what happens when it brings unexpected sorrow instead?

As moms, we dream of the day our family legacy carries on through the laughter of grandchildren. We imagine snuggles, storytimes, and being part of their everyday lives. But for many of us, that dream hasn’t come to pass the way we hoped, and it hurts deeply.

  • Maybe your adult children have chosen not to have kids.

  •  Maybe there’s distance, emotional or geographical, that keeps you apart.

  •  Maybe you're not allowed to see your grandchildren due to estrangement or strained relationships.

  •  Maybe the family calendar is so packed that there’s rarely time for visits.

  • Or maybe your kids are overwhelmed and anxious about letting their children spend time with you.

Whatever the situation, it leaves you grieving what could have been. And while you can’t control the circumstances, you can turn to the One who sees your heartache and promises to sustain you.

Friend, this is where faith meets reality. God is still near. He’s still working. And He offers you comfort, strength, and peace, even here.

Let’s walk through 6 powerful ways to cope when grandparenting hurts, and invite Jesus into the center of it all.

1. Manage Expectations

Unmet expectations are a fast track to disappointment, especially when it comes to something as tender as grandparenting. You picture how things should look, holiday gatherings, weekend visits, spontaneous snuggles, and when reality doesn’t match the dream, your heart aches.

But friend, you’ve lived long enough to know: expectations can quietly become demands. And when they do, they rob you of peace.

Your grown children were never meant to carry the weight of your happiness. That belongs to the Lord alone. Life can still be rich and full, even when it doesn’t unfold the way you hoped.

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6 Consequences For Not Letting Go and Trusting God with Your Adult Children

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6 Consequences For Not Letting Go and Trusting God with Your Adult Children

Those who know your name trust in you, for you, O Lord, do not abandon those who search for you. -Psalm 9:10

No mom wants to be a control freak, yet when we step back and observe our behavior, we often find that we desperately want to influence the outcomes in our adult children's lives. We struggle to remember we need to move from controlling to supporting.

What does it mean to let go? What are the consequences if we don’t?

Mel Robbins, author of the popular new book Let Them, suggests that we’ll experience greater freedom and peace by acknowledging our inability to control others or their actions. It encourages a shift in mindset where we focus on our reactions instead of trying to micromanage people.

For a mom with adult children, this means we will find greater peace when we let them make their own choices while we focus more on our response. We can’t or shouldn’t control their choices because they’re grown now. The only thing we can control is how we respond to their choices.  We give them freedom while we choose to remain at peace. This looks like active listening and empathy rather than correcting or trying to sway opinions.

We hold our grown children loosely, trusting in God.

Thankfully, in our relationship with the Lord, we understand that He is ultimately in control of all things. We can rest knowing that God sees our grown children and loves them, regardless of their actions. He’s familiar with rebellion because we’ve all been there, but our Maker has a way of drawing us near. He brings correction and conviction, but He does it from a heart of love. Isn’t God worthy of being trusted? Those who know your name trust in you, for you, O Lord, do not abandon those who search for you. -Psalm 9:10 

If a Christian empty nest mom doesn’t let go and trust God with her adult children, it can have deep emotional, relational, and spiritual consequences, not only for her, but for her whole family. 

Here's a breakdown of what can happen:

1. Emotional Burnout and Chronic Anxiety

Holding on too tightly often leads to constant worry over your child’s decisions or faith journeys. You spend your time focused on “what ifs” and worst-case scenarios. Sleepless nights become your routine. You experience emotional exhaustion as you bear the weight of their troubles. This is not how it’s supposed to be. Your grown children are responsible for carrying their burdens to God, not to you. You’re invited to give your cares to God. Let Him do the heavy lifting.

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From Pressure to Peace: 6 Ways Prayer Helps Christian Moms Stop People-Pleasing and Find Peace

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From Pressure to Peace: 6 Ways Prayer Helps Christian Moms Stop People-Pleasing and Find Peace

“Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.” -Galatians 1:10


People-pleasing feels like a trap that we can’t escape. 

We lose ourselves in trying to make our grown kids happy. We become small. Resentment builds, and then our relationships feel tense. We wonder why we’re tired and discontent. 

Prayer is the way we can step away from pleasing. 

As we commune with God through everyday conversation of talking and listening for His voice, we are infused with His strength.

When we bow low, the Sovereign Lord is allowed to rule and reign in every situation. We exchange our weakness and are infused with power to act differently.

Our perspective shifts when we talk to God, and we desire to please Him more than our family. The Holy Spirit enables us to set boundaries and honor God with our surrendered hearts.

Six Ways Prayer Helps You Stop Pleasing and Find Peace

 1. It Refocuses Your Heart

People-pleasing puts others’ opinions at the center. Prayer puts God at the center. When a mom prays instead of overthinking how to keep everyone happy, she’s reminded that God is ultimately in control, not her.

As you talk to God, you are reminded to focus on eternal perspectives and not get caught up in the earthly pursuit of pleasing others. Your goal is to honor God with your relationships. This looks like boundaries, courage, and learning to stand up for yourself.

"Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth." -Colossians 3:2 

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How People-Pleasing Hurts Your Relationship with Adult Child

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Are you a Pleaser?

No girl dreams of growing up as a people pleaser, but many do. 

Christian women are taught to be helpful, serve, and support others. That’s great, but often, a mom gets lost in it all. She feels bitter, cheated, and inauthentic from trying to keep everyone in the family happy.

She put others’ needs before her own. This mom feels spread paper-thin and wonders why resentment constantly simmers under the surface.

There is a high cost of keeping the peace.

Let’s define it. People-pleasing is the desire to be agreeable, not create waves, and bring peace to our families. It seems innocent enough, but often, pleasing is driven by a sense of insecurity. It makes a mom feel needed and valued. She longs for her family’s approval, but she loses herself in the process.

People-pleasing can have a significant impact on moms with adult children, especially in the empty nest season. Here’s how it can play out and why it can be so draining:

1. Loss of Identity

When you are used to finding your worth in being needed, you may struggle when your adult children begin to pull away or assert independence. You often feel abandoned by your children, which creates greater insecurity when you're with them.

 You feel there’s never enough time with them, and you yearn to be near them. Your neediness can affect your connection with your grown kids, who want to be autonomous. When you understand that the goal of motherhood is to surrender your children to build their own lives, you’ll have more peace. God has good things ahead for you in terms of purpose. Diligently pursue God’s will for your life now that your kids are grown.

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Want to Be a Great Mother-In-Law? Stop Doing These 8 Things

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Want to Be a Great Mother-In-Law? Stop Doing These 8 Things

Do you have a vision for the kind of mother-in-law you want to be?

 It’s common to see mother-in-laws portrayed as controlling, easily offended, and judgmental. What a heartbreaking perspective. It doesn’t have to be that way.

As a Christian mother-in-law, your role is to be a loving, supportive presence, not a source of tension or control. This requires intentionality and grace towards yourself as you learn this new role.

Here are some key things NOT to do if you want to build a strong, God-honoring relationship with your child’s spouse:

1. Don’t Compete for Your Child’s Loyalty

You are not in competition with your child’s spouse. Once your child is married, their spouse becomes their priority. You are willing to step aside as your child clings to their mate. This is God’s good plan for marriage as laid out in Genesis 2:24, “Leave his father and mother and cling to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”

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Secrets to Being a Mother-in-Law Who Loves Without Overstepping

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Secrets to Being a Mother-in-Law Who Loves Without Overstepping

"That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh"- Genesis 2:24

Navigating the changing dynamics of family life can be both beautiful and challenging. As your child enters a serious relationship and eventually chooses a spouse, your role as a mom shifts in meaningful ways. It’s a transition filled with opportunities to grow in love, grace, and wisdom.

You set the tone in your relationship with your daughter- or son-in-law from the beginning. Your words, actions, and heart posture toward them can either build a bridge of unity or create walls of distance. This new chapter requires intentionality and humility, but it also holds the potential for deep, lasting relationships that bless generations.

Let’s explore how you can be a positive, loving presence that strengthens your child’s marriage, honors God’s design for families, and ultimately brings you greater peace and joy.

You Set the Tone

You set the tone in your relationship with your daughter- or son-in-law. When your child gets serious about a relationship, you must guard how you respond to their potential mate. One critical or judgmental comment can produce wariness for your child’s future spouse.

Be mindful of your words. Therapist Heather Bjur recommends that you have one hundred percent positive regard for your child’s spouse. If you have a problem with something your child’s mate does, you take it up with God and continue to be a loving presence. You are not responsible for your child’s spouse's behavior, but you are responsible for yourself. Choose wisely, momma.

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From Conflict to Connection: Overcoming Communication Barriers with Your Adult Child

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From Conflict to Connection: Overcoming Communication Barriers with Your Adult Child

Can we talk?

It seems like an easy question, but moms and their adult children often feel frustrated with each other when they want to communicate. Multiple barriers can keep these treasured family members from communicating effectively.

Moms understand things have changed, but why does talking to your grown kids often feel like we miss each other completely? One feels misunderstood, while the other feels disrespected. Tension rises while kids want to retreat. Mom feels rejected, and each party hurts. There’s got to be a better way.

Knowing the barriers to watch out for can help you adjust accordingly so that the conversation flows easily. Let’s look at some obstacles and ways to overcome them.

1. Unspoken Expectations

Moms may expect certain behaviors (like regular check-ins, holiday traditions, or faith practices) without clearly expressing them, while adult children may have different priorities.

Solution: Expectations lead to disappointment, so listening to what your adult child needs in this season is helpful. Flexibility combined with grace will aid in deeper understanding.

2. Shifting Roles & Boundaries

It’s tough to transition from a parent-child dynamic to an adult-to-adult relationship. Moms may struggle to step back while their adult children want independence. The tension is palpable as each is learning their new role.

Solution: Accept this is a season of supporting your child instead of dictating how they live. Allow them to be autonomous. Your child is meant to stand on their own as they navigate adulthood.

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Ten Things Not to Say to Your Adult Child

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Ten Things Not to Say to Your Adult Child

"Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person"- Colossians 4:6

Careless Words

Bridgett busied herself in the kitchen as her son, Ian, was home from his senior year in college. He plopped down on the kitchen stool, heavy-hearted and stressed. Bridgett barely noticed her son’s downtrodden appearance. “School sucks, and I don’t think I can finish,” Ian said. 

“Oh, come on, you’ll be fine; it’s just finals stress. Everyone has it; you’ll get through it like I did 25 years ago. Buck up, Buddy, you’ll be fine,” Bridgett commented as she prepped the chicken for dinner.  Ian slouched on the stool, grabbed his backpack and coat, then slinked off to his bedroom. On his way up the stairs, Ian whispered, “Thanks a lot, Mom. Thanks for always making it about you.” 

“Sheesh,” Bridgett thought “That kid is such a baby. When will he ever grow up?”

As moms, we love our adult children deeply, and we want to stay connected with them. But sometimes, the words we say—often with good intentions—can create distance instead of drawing us closer. 

Without even realizing it, we might make them feel guilty, criticized, or like they’ll never quite measure up. If we want to have strong, healthy relationships with our adult kids, we must be mindful of what we say (and how we say it!). 

Here are ten phrases to avoid:

  • You could call me sometime, ya know!

  • Did you go to church this week?

  • You should…!

  • I thought you would have…!

  • I just know how you are.

  • Why can’t you put your phone down?

  • You can’t move away from me!

  • When are you going to get a real job?

  • How much did you spend on that?

  • I can’t drive that far to see you.

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Holiday Grace: Navigating Family Gatherings with an Adult Child Who Rejects Christianity

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Holiday Grace: Navigating Family Gatherings with an Adult Child Who Rejects Christianity

“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint”.- Isaiah 40:31


Holiday Tension

It felt like a rubber band was stretched across her chest as Julia scraped the dinner plates and loaded the dishwasher. Her daughter Maddie would be returning home for her break from university. Fear rushed in as Julia thought about their last difficult interaction. 

Julia was aloof and tense that weekend. She just didn’t seem like herself. Julia sensed something was going on but she couldn’t get Maddie to talk.  She woke Maddie up Sunday morning and said, “It’s time for church, Babe.”  “I’m not going.” Julia barked. Aghast, she yelled back. “What do you mean you’re not going? As long as you live in this house, you’ll go to church with your dad and I.”  “You can’t make me,” she hollered. 

 Julia quietly closed the bedroom door and slumped away to her bedroom to cry. “Where did I go wrong, Lord? she wailed, as tears stained her pillow. “She’s so far from you and I feel like an utter failure. Please help me.” she prayed. 

Reflecting over the weekend, Julia noticed every time she reached out to connect with Maddie, it felt like her walls were up. “Maybe she sensed my judgment?” she wondered. “Maybe I was unnecessarily harsh?” she thought. Just thinking about spending time with her daughter over the holidays stressed her out. “Lord, there’s got to be a better way. Please help me,” she prayed, as she wiped off the counters.

Does Julia’s story ring true for you? Do you identify with the heartache, pressure, and shame a mom carries when her grown child rejects her faith? 

Are you flooded with questions:

  • Why God?

  • Where did I go wrong?

  • What will others think of me?

  • What if they experience complete separation from God?

  • How can we get along when we disagree?

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Finding Peace in the Empty Nest: The Power of Relying on God

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Finding Peace in the Empty Nest: The Power of Relying on God

 “My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me.”- Psalm 63:8

Assurance from God

Julie stood at the kitchen window as the morning sunrise revealed it’s glory of oranges, pinks, and purples. She breathed in the beauty and offered quiet praise to God. “Thank you Lord, for your presence. Thank you for being with me today. How I need you so. Please be with me in all I do. Amen,” she whispered in her heart.

 Her formerly bustling house was reduced to crickets now that the kids were gone. Each morning at the sink was the reminder she needed that God wasn’t done yet. There were good things ahead for her in her empty nest. 

Are you needing reassurance in your empty nest?

God is ready to help you find peace. 

When our children grow up, there is a natural transition in our relationship with them. We loosen control as our kids venture into the world. It starts in their teens as we let them have a little independence. We monitor their activity then see how they do. If they respond well to freedom, we give them more. If not, we reign them in until they can prove themselves trustworthy.

This continues through college, as we release them to live separately from us. We no longer have control over their day to day, or their political, religious, or cultural views. But we have guardrails around them, as they return home each summer and still rely on us financially.

There comes a point where they become truly adult: they have their own jobs, homes, perhaps a spouse and children and responsibility for their finances, social circles, and beliefs. We still influence them from afar, but they are solely responsible for running their own lives.

In the empty nest, our identity is no longer tied to our motherhood or whether our kids thrive or not in adulthood. That’s not on us. Our grown children are responsible for their own success.  

Cling to God

Instead of holding on to our kids, we are invited to cling to God.

 “My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me.”- Psalm 63:8 

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How to Support Your Struggling Adult Child

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How to Support Your Struggling Adult Child

“The name of the Lord is a fortified tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.”- Proverbs 18:10

Amy’s Struggle

Julie felt the weight of her grown daughter’s struggles. Tension pressed across her forehead as she rehashed yesterday's conversation with Amy.  Amy had landed a job shortly after college, but then sunk into a depression after her long term boyfriend called it quits. Heartbroken and sad, Amy checked out. She no longer cared for herself, and called in “sick” to work, often. 

As a way to support her daughter, Julie agreed to a nightly check in phone call. At first Julie felt relieved to hear from her daughter, but as time progressed, so did Amy’s complaining. Amy was spiraling into bitterness and hopelessness. 

Julie woke one morning after another fitful night of sleep and prayed, “God, I cannot do this anymore. Amy is exhausting me. Please give me wisdom to support Amy without taking on her emotional load. Give me courage to set some boundaries with Amy because I’m losing myself in the pain. Amen.”  

How About You?

Have you ever faced sleepless nights and days of worried thoughts because your grown child isn’t thriving?

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Saying "No" and Why It's Liberating in Midlife

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Saying "No" and Why It's Liberating in Midlife

I Couldn’t Say “No” to Hair Dye

I tilted my head forward to get a better view of my hair’s part-line.The new salt and pepper growth was a stark contrast to the chestnut brown dyed hair. “Ugh, I can’t do this!” I murmured. Who was I kidding? I’d been chasing that demarcation line for 15 years, shackled to that box of hair dye. Today, I said, “No more!”  I scheduled an appointment with my hairstylist. 

I’d been dreaming about having mid-length silver hair since I was 35 years old. I couldn’t wait to embrace my salt and pepper phase. I was going to be one of those amazing silver foxes. I even saved a photo on my phone for a decade. Unfortunately, I wasn’t brave enough to do it. 

The years went by and I didn’t have the courage to abandon the dye. I still had kids in school; I needed to wait. “It’s too soon,” I thought, until one day, it wasn’t!  At age 51, I was ready! Those first three months, I fixated over my new hair growth. I felt judged by other women with their shaming glances, as they noticed my broadening demarcation line.

At six months in, some people noticed and said, “Oh, you’re letting your natural color come in. It’s beautiful.” Each month, my confidence grew. Turns out the whole world wasn’t as fixated on my changing hair as I was. I grew out my gray for another six months, then chopped it off to a chin length bob and my journey was complete. Easy, peasy.

Isn’t it sad I didn’t say “no” to hair coloring sooner? I wasted all those years feeling pressured to look young.

Why We Can’t Say “No”

How about you? Have you ever wished you could say “no” to something but you didn’t have the guts to do it?

Most women have a hard time saying “no.” We’re conditioned by our people-pleasing tendencies. We don’t want to impose on anyone, all the while we become a little more resentful because we end up doing things we really don’t want to do. 

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Top Ten Things Moms Should Know Before Launching Their Kids

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Top Ten Things Moms Should Know Before Launching Their Kids

Are you ready for it?

Hey there, momma!

So, picture this: your kiddo is on the verge of spreading their wings and taking on the big, wide world. Exciting, right? But, let's be real, it's also a bit nerve-wracking. As Christian moms, we know there's more to this launch than just packing bags and giving pep talks. It's about trusting God and preparing yourself for the biggest shift in your motherhood.  So, before we send our little ones off into the unknown, let's chat about the top ten things moms need to know before launching their kids.

1. Allow your child to be autonomous: 

No grown child wants you to be a hovering, helicopter mom. That’s just annoying! It’s normal when your child wants his independence and control over his own decision. This is the goal of parenting. They want to become their own person and you need to let them become just that. You gotta get out of the way. Even if it means them moving away or heading in a direction you wouldn’t select. You must let them fly.

The Big Question: What are you doing to encourage your child to make choices for his life?

2. Don’t make this season about you:

This transition is not about you; it’s about your emerging adult and what is best for him. There will be time for you to process transitional grief, but don’t do that with your child. That will hurt him. Instead, Brenda Yoder, author of Fledge said, “Be the kind of mom you needed when you young. This will ensure your child feels loved and supported. This is important! It’s what they need most! You’ll have time to handle your emotions alone, with God.

The Big Question: What can you do to remember this is about your child not you?

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Embracing the Bittersweet with High School Seniors

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Embracing the Bittersweet with High School Seniors

 “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” - Philippians 4:6-7

Bittersweet Moments

I watched Rebekah gracefully cross the stage to accept her certificate, confident and composed, as my mind flashed to her four-year-old-self. I saw her in her purple sequined tutu and her first pair of tap shoes, blissfully on stage at her first dance recital.  Her wavy hair was piled on top of her head in a messy bun, with a purple feather hat tipped to the side. She grinned from ear to ear as the music faded up. Her brown eyes sparkled as she danced. 

I remembered the challenging middle school years where girls hurled insults and hurt her tender heart. “Mean Girls” wasn’t just a movie, it was a shocking reality for my young teen. She navigated rejection and learned important lessons about friendship.  

High school brought endless leadership opportunities and growth. And here we were at the end, as our calendar was filled with events.The final Choir Concert, Spring Musical, National Honor Society Banquet, Prom, Student Council Banquet, Speech Banquet. She happily walked through each event while I thought my heart would break in two. 

How would I survive bittersweet moments, tumbling together, one after another? Is this what letting go feels like?

Emotional Swings

Maybe you’ve felt these emotional swoops as high school graduation season is upon us.

Moms will experience immense contradictory emotions as they navigate the end of their children's high school. Know this is normal. This is part of the transition. This is where we feel unsettled and at peace. How is this even possible? You’re not losing your mind; you're just moving through a big moment in your motherhood.

We live in the tension of “big feelings" and confidence in God. We’ll experience abundant joy and deep sorrow. We are stuck longing for the past, but hopeful for the future. We’ll experience regret for our mistakes and pride for the ways we parented well. We will wrestle with doubt and cling to God

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Decoding Parental Estrangement: Understanding the Root Causes

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Decoding Parental Estrangement: Understanding the Root Causes

I’m Done with You!

Jessica struggled with her daughter Lisa for years. Tensions ran high daily. There were endless misunderstandings and miscommunications. They clashed on everything from clothing styles, grades, and her friends. Lisa felt she never pleased her mom. She felt picked on and had a deep sense of resentment.

Jessica pushed hard with extreme discipline, and Lisa pulled farther away. There was no pleasing her mother. When high school rolled around, Lisa just stayed away more. This infuriated her mom. 

College came and Lisa was thrilled to live hours away from her mother’s control. She loved the freedom and didn’t miss the hassle. She felt liberated. Every time her mom called or texted, she ignored her phone. Lisa relished the freedom and the opportunity to believe what she wanted without her mother’s influence over her anymore. 

One day she texted her mom, “Please don’t reach out to me anymore. I’m done with you. Respect my wishes.” Jessica was understandably devastated. The following weeks Jessica felt hopeless, heart sick, and exhausted. “How could this have happened to me?” She wondered. 


What is Parental Estrangement?

Parental estrangement is one of the most devastating issues for moms to face in recent years. Thousands of families are left heartbroken and bewildered. Today I’ll attempt to give a broad overview of a complex topic. 

First off, let’s define parental estrangement.  According to Wikipedia, “It is the loss of a previously existing relationship between family members through physical and/or emotional distancing often to the extent that there is negligible or no communication between the individuals for a prolonged period.”

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From Nostalgic to Now: Empowering Moms to Embrace the Present

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From Nostalgic to Now: Empowering Moms to Embrace the Present

“Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?” - Isaiah 43:18-19

Shuffling Down Memory Lane

Angela sat crossed-legged on the wood floor surrounded by tattered photo albums of her kids. How many times had she returned to them to reminisce? “Who even uses photo albums anymore?” she wondered.

Memories flooded her mind as she recalled tender, silly moments with her growing children. It was so much easier then. She knew exactly what to do. Even when she questioned her mothering skills, she knew how to find answers. Her local MOPS group was filled with friends and squirrely kids. Moms traded parenting tips like their kids exchanged Pokemon cards. They prayed together and clung to each other. There was so much support. They scoured Parenting magazine and listened to Dr. Dobson's, Focus on the Family. The answers to parenting questions were plentiful back then.

There was a rhythm to life that revolved around feeding, bathing, playing, and bedtime routines with her children. Every season she’d sort through their clothing and assess what new items they needed. Hand Me Downs and garage sale finds were traded between kids. 

Her biggest problems were endless laundry, bickering kids, defiant toddlers, and the need to cook another meal for her hungry crew. Oh, how she wished she could go back in time where she felt assured of her role in this world. Her children adored her, even if they did have moments of tension, she knew how to make it better.


Right Now

Now that her children are grown, life feels more complicated. The stakes are higher. There are bigger obstacles, and she’s supposed to “let go.” How can she honor the past, but not get stuck there?  


Pitfalls of Living in the Past

It’s normal for moms with adult children to get stuck in the past. Nostalgia overwhelms us and we don’t always accept the grownup child in front of us. Truth be told, we’d rather go back to simpler days. Nostalgia has its place. It’s okay to reminisce, as long as we don’t get stuck in some idealized version of the past.   

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