Aging with Confidence: Six Strategies to Help Midlife Women Feel Strong and Content

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My Reflection

I caught my reflection in the mirror this morning, gray hair shimmering like threads of wisdom, softening around my jawline, a tummy that tells the story of babies carried and years lived. When did all this arrive? And those laugh lines? They’re showing up proudly around my eyes and mouth, proof that joy has visited me often. Still, sometimes the changes catch me off guard.

It’s easy to fixate on the physical as we move through our forties, fifties, and sixties. The shifts in our skin and shape happen right before our eyes. But Momma, what if aging isn’t something to battle, hide, or fear? What if it’s an invitation?

What if we looked beyond the mirror and saw the woman we’ve become: the wisdom we carry, the resilience we’ve built, the faith that’s been tested and strengthened, the love we’ve poured into our families? These aren’t signs of decline. They’re signs of growth.

Dawn Barton writes in Midlife Battle Cry, “As long as we keep believing a Hollywood story that tells us each year we become less, then we are part of the problem.” She’s right. It’s time to rewrite the narrative.

Midlife Momma, you are not fading. You’re flourishing.

These years can be some of the most fruitful, joy-filled, and deeply content years of your life. So let’s dive into six powerful strategies that will help you embrace aging with confidence, gratitude, and peace.

1.  Recognize You Are More Than Your Looks

Oh, Momma, we spend so much energy critiquing our reflection. We tug at the loose skin, sigh at the softening belly, and wonder where those once-perky parts disappeared to. I get it! I’m right there with you. But hear me clearly: you are not the sum of your wrinkles, your waistline, or your wardrobe size.

Your worth has never been measured by how young you look. Staying young was never God’s assignment for your life.

God has always cared more about the woman you’re becoming than the mirror you’re facing. Aging invites us to cultivate a richer, deeper inner life; the place where you meet with God, where your roots sink into His love, where intimacy grows in ways your younger self couldn’t have imagined.

This is who you are:
A beloved daughter.
Chosen.
Cherished. Held.
Always His.

And when that truth lands in your bones? It brings a peace no cream, hairstyle, or number on the scale could ever offer.

2. Practice Acceptance

It’s tempting to drift back to who we used to be: the younger body with the quicker metabolism. But chasing a former version of ourselves only steals the joy of who we are right now. Acceptance is a holy invitation to stay present, to honor this season, and to love the woman you’re becoming.

When you practice acceptance, you stop living in the rearview mirror. You let the past be the past. You recognize that you did the best you could with the wisdom, resources, and maturity you had at the time. And that’s enough.

You choose to show up fully in this moment, the only place where God meets you.
Not yesterday.
Not someday.
Today.

Right here is where you feel His nearness. Right now is where grace flows. When you embrace this moment instead of mourning the one you’ve left behind, peace starts to take root. You stop striving to rewrite your story and start living the chapter you’re in, with gratitude and open hands.

Acceptance isn’t giving up. It’s growing up.

3. Acknowledge Your Confidence

Momma, one of the beautiful gifts of midlife is the quiet confidence you carry now. You don’t shrink back like you once did. You’re not rattled by every opinion in the room. You’ve lived enough life, walked through enough valleys, and climbed enough mountains to know you can handle whatever comes.

And here’s the best part:
Your confidence isn’t rooted in ego; it’s rooted in God’s faithfulness.

You’ve seen Him show up too many times to doubt His presence now. Every battle you’ve survived, every prayer you’ve prayed, every heartbreak He’s carried you through has settled something deep inside you: You are not alone.

This confidence feels like standing steady when others crumble.

It’s the kind of strength that comes from knowing God’s power flows through your veins. You walk into a room differently now because you walk in with Him.

This is not arrogance.
This is spiritual maturity.
This is the fruit of a woman who has lived, loved, endured, and trusted God every step of the way.

4. Harness Your Wisdom

 You didn’t wake up one morning full of wisdom. This came from years of showing up, seeking God, and walking through things that could have broken you but didn’t. You earned this hard-won wisdom through tears, prayers, victories, disappointments, and countless moments of trusting God when you couldn’t see the way forward.

This isn’t worldly wisdom or intellectual achievement.
This is Spirit-shaped wisdom, the kind that grows from staying close to God’s heart.

You’ve learned to recognize His whisper in a noisy world.
You’ve followed His nudges when it didn’t make sense.
You’ve obeyed His leading even when it stretched you.

And because of that, you now carry a depth of discernment that younger women long for. You see situations clearly. You sense what’s right. You know when to speak and when to stay silent. You don’t rush decisions because you’ve learned that God’s timing is never late.

Your judgment is sound because your roots run deep.
Your counsel carries weight because it’s soaked in Scripture, prayer, and experience.
People lean in when you speak, not because you’re loud, but because your life has proven trustworthy.

Wisdom is one of God’s greatest gifts to you in midlife.
Embrace it.
Steward it well.

5. Embrace Productivity

Here’s a truth that might just blow your mind: your most productive years are still ahead of you. Research consistently shows that the highest-producing decade of a person’s life is between ages 60–70. The second most productive? Ages 70–80. And the third? Ages 50–60.

Think about that for a moment.

The average age of Nobel Prize winners is 62.
The average age of CEOs leading major companies is 63.
The average age of pastors shepherding the largest churches in America? 71.

So if you’re in your forties or fifties, guess what?
You haven’t even hit your peak yet.
 Your greatest impact is still unfolding.

Doesn’t that fill you with hope?

Midlife isn’t a slow fade; it’s a launching pad. This season is ripe with clarity, wisdom, experience, and God-given purpose. You’re not too old, too late, or too far behind. You are perfectly positioned for God to do something powerful through your life.

Let this truth settle in:
You are still becoming.
You are still growing.
You are still capable of great kingdom impact.

Hand your gifts, time, and energy to God and let Him lead you into work that excites your soul. You have decades of purpose in front of you, Momma. Embrace it with joy.

6. Appreciate the Richness of Connection

 One of the greatest gifts of aging is the deep, meaningful connections you’ve built along the way. You were never meant to walk through life alone, and thankfully, you don’t have to. Look around: your husband, your grown kids, your grandbabies, your siblings, your church family, your neighbors, your girlfriends. These relationships are threads God has woven into your story, creating a tapestry of love and belonging.

You’ve fought for these connections.
You’ve forgiven when it was hard.
You’ve shown up when you were tired.
You’ve tried again when things felt fragile.

Why? Because you know the beauty that comes from doing life beside others.

You’ve learned that community strengthens you. Encouragement lifts you. Friendship steadies you. The love you give and the love you receive have shaped who you are today. You’ve grown soft where it matters and strong where it counts.

And here’s the truth:
You are richer because of the people God has placed in your life.
 They don’t just surround you, they strengthen you.
Life really is better together.

Momma, it’s time to release the old, inaccurate story culture tells us about aging. This season isn’t a slow fade; it’s a sacred unfolding. Every year we’re given is another opportunity to grow in wisdom, strength, and purpose. When we recognize the beauty and power of this stage of life, our hearts open wide to the good God is still writing into our story.

Aging is not a sign that your impact is diminishing.
It’s proof that God has carried you, shaped you, and prepared you for more.

It’s not over.
God’s not finished.
And truly, some of your most meaningful, joy-filled, and purpose-packed days are still ahead.

Lift your chin, soften your heart, and step boldly into the future He has for you. You’re just getting started.

Let’s pray.

Dear God, I praise you for this season of my life. Help me release the outdated version of what it means to thrive so I can embrace the goodness right here, and now. Please fill me with peace and contentment and lead me to your next best thing. Amen.

Need help with your adult children?

What did I say? Grab my free guide: 10 Things Not to Say to Your Adult Child(and 5 Ways to Stop Yourself From Saying Them), A starter list of things moms say that frustrate their adult children. Identify the statements that trip you up and learn strategies for more harmony and connection in your relationship with your grown children.

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From Pressure to Peace: 6 Ways Prayer Helps Christian Moms Stop People-Pleasing and Find Peace

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From Pressure to Peace: 6 Ways Prayer Helps Christian Moms Stop People-Pleasing and Find Peace

“Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.” -Galatians 1:10


People-pleasing feels like a trap that we can’t escape. 

We lose ourselves in trying to make our grown kids happy. We become small. Resentment builds, and then our relationships feel tense. We wonder why we’re tired and discontent. 

Prayer is the way we can step away from pleasing. 

As we commune with God through everyday conversation of talking and listening for His voice, we are infused with His strength.

When we bow low, the Sovereign Lord is allowed to rule and reign in every situation. We exchange our weakness and are infused with power to act differently.

Our perspective shifts when we talk to God, and we desire to please Him more than our family. The Holy Spirit enables us to set boundaries and honor God with our surrendered hearts.

Six Ways Prayer Helps You Stop Pleasing and Find Peace

 1. It Refocuses Your Heart

People-pleasing puts others’ opinions at the center. Prayer puts God at the center. When a mom prays instead of overthinking how to keep everyone happy, she’s reminded that God is ultimately in control, not her.

As you talk to God, you are reminded to focus on eternal perspectives and not get caught up in the earthly pursuit of pleasing others. Your goal is to honor God with your relationships. This looks like boundaries, courage, and learning to stand up for yourself.

"Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth." -Colossians 3:2 

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How People-Pleasing Hurts Your Relationship with Adult Child

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Are you a Pleaser?

No girl dreams of growing up as a people pleaser, but many do. 

Christian women are taught to be helpful, serve, and support others. That’s great, but often, a mom gets lost in it all. She feels bitter, cheated, and inauthentic from trying to keep everyone in the family happy.

She put others’ needs before her own. This mom feels spread paper-thin and wonders why resentment constantly simmers under the surface.

There is a high cost of keeping the peace.

Let’s define it. People-pleasing is the desire to be agreeable, not create waves, and bring peace to our families. It seems innocent enough, but often, pleasing is driven by a sense of insecurity. It makes a mom feel needed and valued. She longs for her family’s approval, but she loses herself in the process.

People-pleasing can have a significant impact on moms with adult children, especially in the empty nest season. Here’s how it can play out and why it can be so draining:

1. Loss of Identity

When you are used to finding your worth in being needed, you may struggle when your adult children begin to pull away or assert independence. You often feel abandoned by your children, which creates greater insecurity when you're with them.

 You feel there’s never enough time with them, and you yearn to be near them. Your neediness can affect your connection with your grown kids, who want to be autonomous. When you understand that the goal of motherhood is to surrender your children to build their own lives, you’ll have more peace. God has good things ahead for you in terms of purpose. Diligently pursue God’s will for your life now that your kids are grown.

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The Christian Mom’s Mindset for a Peaceful, Joyful Holiday with Her Adult Kids

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The Christian Mom’s Mindset for a Peaceful, Joyful Holiday with Her Adult Kids

Has holiday planning with your adult children increased your stress levels and you’re barely into November?

Maybe you can relate to Julia’s story:

Julia settled into her comfy chair with her morning coffee. Worry bubbled forth as she imagined what the holidays will look like this year. Her oldest, John, won’t be home as he’s heading to his wife's parent’s home. “I’ll never get used to sharing my child with another family,” she thinks, “I just don’t like it.” 

Her middle daughter, Elizabeth, won’t commit to plans. “Why can’t she just communicate with me? It’s so frustrating,” she sighs. “She seems annoyed with us all. We’re hardly even a family anymore. Why does it all have to be so stressful,” she wonders.

Connor, her youngest, will be home from college. “He never seems to want to be with us,” she thinks. “He’s always running around with his friends. I feel lonely and forgotten.” 

 “Lord, I need you. I’m overwhelmed and I don’t want our holidays to be stressful. I give everyone and everything to you. Please help me,” she whispered, as peace washed over her soul.


Mom Stress

Preparing for the holidays has never been easy for moms. Most of us have carried the mental weight of holiday planning for decades and the stress continues as our children reach adulthood. 

We all face many of these common stressors:

  • Sharing our married children with their in-laws.

  • Step-families and the juggling that requires. 

  • Tension in our adult children’s relationship with each other.

  • Our children have abandoned the religious views of their upbringing. 

  • No one in our families pitches in for meal prep and cleaning.

  • Our adult children are resistant to making family plans.

Talk about stress. No wonder we dread this time of year. It feels like too much, and we’ll just be disappointed again.

What if there was a way to shift our thinking? Could we adopt a healthier view, so we don’t end up crushed and disappointed? How could our holidays look if we entered them from a posture of surrender? 

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Saying "No" and Why It's Liberating in Midlife

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Saying "No" and Why It's Liberating in Midlife

I Couldn’t Say “No” to Hair Dye

I tilted my head forward to get a better view of my hair’s part-line.The new salt and pepper growth was a stark contrast to the chestnut brown dyed hair. “Ugh, I can’t do this!” I murmured. Who was I kidding? I’d been chasing that demarcation line for 15 years, shackled to that box of hair dye. Today, I said, “No more!”  I scheduled an appointment with my hairstylist. 

I’d been dreaming about having mid-length silver hair since I was 35 years old. I couldn’t wait to embrace my salt and pepper phase. I was going to be one of those amazing silver foxes. I even saved a photo on my phone for a decade. Unfortunately, I wasn’t brave enough to do it. 

The years went by and I didn’t have the courage to abandon the dye. I still had kids in school; I needed to wait. “It’s too soon,” I thought, until one day, it wasn’t!  At age 51, I was ready! Those first three months, I fixated over my new hair growth. I felt judged by other women with their shaming glances, as they noticed my broadening demarcation line.

At six months in, some people noticed and said, “Oh, you’re letting your natural color come in. It’s beautiful.” Each month, my confidence grew. Turns out the whole world wasn’t as fixated on my changing hair as I was. I grew out my gray for another six months, then chopped it off to a chin length bob and my journey was complete. Easy, peasy.

Isn’t it sad I didn’t say “no” to hair coloring sooner? I wasted all those years feeling pressured to look young.

Why We Can’t Say “No”

How about you? Have you ever wished you could say “no” to something but you didn’t have the guts to do it?

Most women have a hard time saying “no.” We’re conditioned by our people-pleasing tendencies. We don’t want to impose on anyone, all the while we become a little more resentful because we end up doing things we really don’t want to do. 

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This is the Right Way to Set Strong Boundaries

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This is the Right Way to Set Strong Boundaries

Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon. - Philippians 4:5 NLT

There is a right and a wrong way to set boundaries. The goal of boundary setting is to help everyone understand who is responsible for what. 

Never start a conversation about boundaries with this phrase,”This is my boundary…!” It is the surest way to offend your adult child because we sound demanding. Implementing boundaries is positive and helpful.

Setting Boundaries is not:

  • control

  • anger

  • rudeness

  • gas lighting

  • manipulation

  • selfish

Remember, the reason for your boundary. It’s so you won’t become burnt out or overwhelmed and so your adult child becomes responsible for themselves. Boundaries aid in understanding your capacity and limits. They’re a tool to foster healthy interdependent relationships with your adult children, but there is a right way to set them. 

First off, we have to establish what we need in the way of boundaries with our adult children. Boundaries are for you and about what you need in a relationship.

There are several types of boundaries:

  • Physical-has to do with personal space and privacy.

  • Emotional-what you will and won’t provide emotionally for your child

  • Financial-focuses on money and how you will or won’t help your adult child financially

  • Intellectual-encompass beliefs and ideas and the respect of your differences.

A boundary only becomes a limit when you have evaluated what you need, communicated with your child about it, then held said boundary. You must do all three parts otherwise it’s just wishful thinking. 

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What A Boundary Is And Why You Need It

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What A Boundary Is And Why You Need It

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”-Proverbs 4:23

Establish the Boundary

Deborah gathers her bag ready to head out for the day and sees her coworker, Julie coming toward her desk. Normally this would instill some anxiety in Deborah because Julie’s usual pattern is to not pull her weight on a project, then at the last minute she expects Deborah to finish it for her.

Julie smiles coyly and says, “Hey, Deborah, can you finish this part of our presentation? I don’t have time to get to it, and you’re so good with words. You do it so well every time.”

Deborah recognizes the tension rising in her stomach because as a people-pleaser she’s aware of her usual response. Normally she’d cave and not want to disappoint Julie. However, Deborah is weary and wants to learn new skills to let go of being a pleaser.

So this time she takes a deep breath and confronts Julie with a confident, “No, that won’t work for me, Julie. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Deborah grabs her bag and walks confidently out of the office. Butterflies swirl in her tummy, but she feels a sense of accomplishment for establishing a boundary with Julie.

Most people-pleasers have few boundaries, and this is what contributes to their weariness.


What is a boundary and why do I need it?

In the natural, we see boundaries as fences, walls, manicured lawns, and signs. A boundary communicates this is where my property begins. In the spiritual world, boundaries are just as real, but it’s hard for us to see them.

Dr. Henry Cloud describes boundaries like this:

Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership.

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Four Ways to Move Away From A Pleaser Mentality

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Four Ways to Move Away From A Pleaser Mentality

I have a treat for you today, friends. My friend, Heather Bjur offers a clinical perspective on what is happening for the pleaser. You’re going to love this!

Confronted

He looked me in the eye and very matter-of-factly said, “Heather, your persona is ugly.”

My fork, laden with that day’s salad bar offerings, stopped mid-air.

I glanced down at my lunch, having suddenly lost my appetite.

In five words, Larry Crabb exposed my deepest fear and my one tried-and-true mechanism for making life work. I wanted to appear intelligent, competent, and most of all, likeable. I thought these attributes I was pushing to the forefront were attractive, and while they are when emanating from a place of authenticity and humility, I was beginning to discover my persona had nothing to do with either.

I felt like barfing.

The Mask

Each of us operates with what Larry calls a persona: a mask that hides our true self. As we grew up, we discovered that in order to live in our environment, we needed to curb certain parts of our personalities, and magnify others. For many, myself included, that involved working hard to be pleasing to others. Sometimes this behavior is also called codependency. We all have different reasons for doing what we do; some grew up in alcoholic homes where being on guard with your best behavior was necessary for survival in the face of a drunk, angry parent. Some of us found we had more friends if we conformed to what we perceived others wanted us to be.

Whatever the underlying impetus for adopting a ‘pleaser’ mentality, there are two core truths pleasers have in common.

1. Self-Forfeiture. Our job, as children, is to learn from the adults in our lives who we are and how we fit into the world. When our family of origin is in any way dysfunctional, children are often left to ‘fend for ourselves’ emotionally, thus growing up with an emotional, and subsequently, relational deficit.

“A dysfunctional family does not acknowledge that problems exist, talk about them, or confront them. As a result, family members learn to repress emotions and disregard their own needs. They become ‘survivors.’” - From Bondage to Bonding by Nancy Groom.

To survive in a world that demands we conform to certain expectations, we quickly learn how to act, what to say, and how to maneuver to achieve some sense of stability. In this maneuvering, we forfeit who we truly are, believing we are somehow unacceptable or unlovable.

Rather than developing healthy self-esteem, people-pleasers become who they perceive others want them to be. Pia Mellody, in her book, Facing Codependence, calls this “other esteem.” What typically follows is a low sense of self-worth, self-neglect, and inability to use personal boundaries.

2. Shame. Without a solid sense of self, a child moves into adulthood with a profound sense of shame and loss which usually translates into anger. When shame, loss, and the subsequent anger remain unhealed, the pleaser struggles in relationships, often giving until they’re resentful, and become embittered at the lack of mutuality in the care offered by those who claim to be friends.

Asking for needs to be met is a significant challenge. “What if they see me as needy or vulnerable? Being needy isn’t attractive!” Just beneath the surface and driven by shame, the constant fear of rejection lies, dictating the pleaser remain silent about her desires

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How People-Pleasing Adds To Our Weariness

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How People-Pleasing Adds To Our Weariness

“I have loved you with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.”-Jeremiah 31:3

In the Rest Over Weariness Series, we’ll spend the month of June addressing people-pleasing. It’s often the root of our exhaustion. First, let’s talk about how to identify it.

She Can’t Say No

Amanda slumps at her desk. Her shoulders hang low and her countenance reflects her frustration. She’s exhausted from her constant activity. Everywhere she turns people are asking things of her. Her aging mom needs her to take her to the store. Elizabeth, from church, can’t lead the outreach anymore and has asked Amanda to take her place. Amanda tried to say no but Elizabeth was very convincing. Besides if she said no, then Elizabeth would have a negative view of her or worse yet, she’d have to face God being disappointed in her. After all, aren’t we supposed to serve if we love God?

Her husband is late at the office again leaving Amanda to shuffle the kids about and get dinner ready on her own. The plates are left on the table, the kitchen counters are overrun with the mess of cooking dinner, and off the kids go to their rooms. Why did she agree to make the costumes for her daughter's second grade play?

She sits in silence overwhelmed and defeated. There’s no time for rest. There’s no way she can finish all the tasks she’s committed too. It’s been like this for years, and she’s certain she’ll die an angry, unappreciated, empty woman.

“If only I didn’t care so much what everyone thought of me. Why can’t I say no?” she ponders.

Are You A People-Pleaser?

Often the cause of our exhaustion is our propensity to people-please. We don’t want to let anyone down. We don’t want to inconvenience or hurt anyone’s feelings, so we push ourselves to look good in front of others, but we’re left burdened and overwhelmed.

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