How to Strengthen Your Empty Nest Marriage When You Feel Like You’re Growing Apart

The Ache in Your Marriage

Once the nest begins to empty, many women are caught off guard by an ache they didn’t expect: an ache in their marriage. The house grows quieter, the routines change, and suddenly the man you once partnered with in the daily chaos of raising kids feels farther away. He fills his time with projects in the garage or evenings with the guys. You try new hobbies, volunteer, and stay busy. Yet somehow, the space between you keeps widening, echoing louder in the silence.

When the kids are gone, the questions come quickly. What do we talk about now? Who are we without the roles that once defined us? Loneliness creeps in, and if we’re not careful, so does negativity. Criticism slips into our conversations. We begin to focus on what’s missing instead of what remains. Those small habits: eye rolls, assumptions, unspoken resentment, slowly isolate us from the very person who’s supposed to feel like home.

Grey Divorce

For many couples, this season can feel so unsettling that desperation sets in. We quietly wonder if we’ve simply grown apart. And the statistics don’t help ease our fears. There’s a reason “gray divorce” has become a common phrase; nearly 40% of divorces today involve couples over the age of 50, a staggering shift from just a few decades ago. That reality can make a struggling marriage feel fragile, even doomed.

But Momma, this does not have to be your story. The empty nest doesn’t have to signal the end of intimacy or connection. It can be an invitation to awareness, to intentional love, to prayerful rebuilding. Let’s talk about six grace-filled ways to strengthen your empty nest marriage when it feels like you’re growing apart and how God can meet you right here, in this tender season.

1. Practice Awareness

It can feel easier to stay busy and minimize the ache, but ignoring the distance doesn’t heal it. Awareness is the moment you stop numbing and start noticing. When you recognize that you and your husband are drifting, it’s not failure; it’s an invitation to take responsibility for what you can change.

You can’t change your spouse, but you can partner with God to examine your own heart. Notice where you’ve built walls instead of bridges. Pay attention to the moments you withdraw, shut down, or choose silence over connection. Ask yourself: What am I protecting? What am I afraid to name?

Awareness requires courage; the courage to acknowledge the distance and consider a different response. Sometimes the smallest shifts matter most: a softened tone, a curious question, a willing heart. Scripture reminds us, “Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord” -Lamentations 3:40. Healing often begins with honest reflection, and more often than not, it begins with you.

2. Cease Focusing on the Negative

It’s easy to notice what’s wrong. The unfinished projects, the emotional distance, the ways your husband disappoints you. But here’s the danger: what you focus on gets magnified. When you fixate on flaws, they begin to eclipse everything else, and before long, it feels like all you can see is what’s broken.

I’ve been there. During a season when three of our five kids had already left the nest, I found myself increasingly critical and quietly disappointed in my husband. One day in prayer, God gently interrupted my thinking. He challenged me to write down his positive attributes: physical, vocational, personality, and character. What surprised me was how quickly the list grew. As I wrote, my heart softened. Gratitude replaced frustration, and I was reminded what a gift this man truly is.

Nothing about my husband changed that day, but my perspective did. Scripture tells us, “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure…think about such things” -Philippians 4:8. Sometimes the most powerful work God does in a marriage begins with a simple shift in how we choose to see. Maybe that’s the shift your heart needs too.

3. Understand the Impact of Criticism

Few things cause a husband to retreat faster than criticism. When a man begins to believe he can’t do anything right in your eyes, he slowly pulls away. He looks for spaces where he feels competent, respected, and safe: time with friends, long hours at work, another project to fix or manage. Criticism doesn’t motivate him to lean in; it makes him feel small and unseen.

While this dynamic can certainly go both ways, it’s important to understand what happens in a man’s heart when he senses contempt or chronic dissatisfaction. Over time, he stops engaging, not because he doesn’t care, but because he no longer feels welcome. The distance grows, and both of you feel misunderstood and alone.

Instead, try a different approach. Shift from constant correction to intentional affirmation. This isn’t about pretending everything is fine or ignoring real issues. It’s about choosing words that build rather than tear down. Scripture reminds us, “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones”- Proverbs 16:24. When you lead with encouragement and speak life over your husband, you create space for connection to return. Try it and watch how the atmosphere in your marriage begins to soften.

4. Lead with Love

Love isn’t a feeling we wait for; it’s a posture we choose. In seasons of distance, it’s tempting to pull back and protect ourselves, but Scripture calls us to lead differently. The clearest picture of love isn’t found in romance; it’s found in action.

Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 13 give us a holy mirror to look into. Love is patient. Love is kind. It is not easily angered or rude. It keeps no record of wrongs. It protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres. That’s not sentimental language. It’s a daily, intentional way of showing up.

So pause and ask yourself:

• Do I enter conversations with tenderness and grace?

• Am I leading with patience, or with frustration?

  Have I been keeping score instead of extending mercy?

  Leading with love often looks simple, but it’s powerful. A kind word instead of a sharp one. A gentle touch. A sincere affirmation. An intentional moment of connection. Sometimes your husband doesn’t need everything to be fixed; he just needs reassurance that you’re still in this, even when things feel a little disconnected.

Scripture reminds us, “Let all that you do be done in love” -1 Corinthians 16:14. When love leads, walls come down, hearts soften, and connection has room to grow again.

5. Partner with God Through Prayer

When the distance feels like it’s widening, prayer becomes more than a spiritual discipline; it becomes a lifeline. Setting aside time to meet with God helps you lift your eyes from what feels broken and regain His eternal perspective. Before you try to fix your marriage, you’re invited to sit with the One who sees it clearly.

As you meet with Him, God does His quiet, faithful work. He heals what’s wounded, corrects what’s misaligned, and gently guides you toward a different response with your husband. You cannot change him, but you can partner with God in allowing Him to change you. As your heart softens, healing can flow into your relationship.

Prayer also stretches your faith. It loosens a stiff neck and replaces resignation with hope. Scripture reminds us, “Is anything too hard for the Lord?” -Genesis 18:14. Nothing in your marriage is beyond God’s ability to restore. It’s not too late. There is still time for mending, for renewal, for God to do what only He can do.

When it feels like the distance is widening, you can connect with God through prayer. Setting time aside to meet with God helps you hold on to His eternal perspective. 

As you meet with Him, He tenderly does the work of healing and guiding you to respond differently to your husband. You cannot change your husband, but you can partner with God in changing yourself. As you become more tender, healing can flow in your relationship.

As your faith is stretched and your stiff neck loosened, you're able to grab hold of faith and believe God for the impossible in your marriage. There’s nothing that God can’t restore. It’s not too late. There is still time for mending your relationship.

6. Find Common Ground

When distance grows, it’s easy to focus on how different you’ve become. Different interests. Different rhythms. Different ways of processing life. But healing often begins not by emphasizing what separates you, but by returning to what still connects you.

Start by revisiting the values that first shaped your marriage. What did you believe about commitment, faith, family, and partnership? Those shared foundations still matter. Scripture reminds us, “Can two walk together unless they are agreed?” -Amos 3:3. Agreement doesn’t mean sameness; it means choosing to walk in the same direction again.

Then, look for simple ways to meet in the middle. Do something enjoyable together, even if it feels small. Step into your husband’s world for a change: watch the game, take a ride in the golf cart, wander through a car show, cook alongside him in the kitchen. These moments aren’t about the activity itself; they’re about presence.

Common ground creates space for connection. It says, I still want to walk with you. I still care about what matters to you. And often, that willingness is enough to begin drawing two hearts closer again.

Momma, even when it feels like you and your husband are drifting apart, this season can serve as a gentle signal, not to give up, but to grow. It invites you to slow down, look inward, and honestly consider how you may be contributing to the distance. From that place of awareness, you can partner with God in the holy work of moving your heart closer to your spouse.

When you allow love to lead, through prayer, grace, and intentional connection, distance doesn’t have the final word. God is always able to soften hearts, restore intimacy, and renew what feels worn. Connection can be rebuilt. Hope can be reclaimed. And this season can become one of deeper unity than you ever imagined.

Let’s pray.

Dear Papa, I confess, I’m alarmed by the growing distance between my mate. I’m scared, and I need your help. Work in and through me to see things differently. Change me on the inside so I can love my husband well. I know you’ll take care of us. Amen.

Is this you?

• Are you feeling distant in your relationship with your husband?

• Is there unresolved conflict?

• Do you find yourself being critical of him?

• Would you like to partner with God through prayer to improve your connection with your mate?

The Marriage Awareness Worksheet is filled with powerful questions from Empty Nest Coach Pamela Henkelman, which you can ask yourself. This thoughtful exercise is just between you and God. With a bit of vulnerability and an open heart before God, you'll become aware of the minor adjustments you can make to experience a more harmonious marriage.

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Aging with Confidence: Six Strategies to Help Midlife Women Feel Strong and Content

My Reflection

I caught my reflection in the mirror this morning, gray hair shimmering like threads of wisdom, softening around my jawline, a tummy that tells the story of babies carried and years lived. When did all this arrive? And those laugh lines? They’re showing up proudly around my eyes and mouth, proof that joy has visited me often. Still, sometimes the changes catch me off guard.

It’s easy to fixate on the physical as we move through our forties, fifties, and sixties. The shifts in our skin and shape happen right before our eyes. But Momma, what if aging isn’t something to battle, hide, or fear? What if it’s an invitation?

What if we looked beyond the mirror and saw the woman we’ve become: the wisdom we carry, the resilience we’ve built, the faith that’s been tested and strengthened, the love we’ve poured into our families? These aren’t signs of decline. They’re signs of growth.

Dawn Barton writes in Midlife Battle Cry, “As long as we keep believing a Hollywood story that tells us each year we become less, then we are part of the problem.” She’s right. It’s time to rewrite the narrative.

Midlife Momma, you are not fading. You’re flourishing.

These years can be some of the most fruitful, joy-filled, and deeply content years of your life. So let’s dive into six powerful strategies that will help you embrace aging with confidence, gratitude, and peace.

1.  Recognize You Are More Than Your Looks

Oh, Momma, we spend so much energy critiquing our reflection. We tug at the loose skin, sigh at the softening belly, and wonder where those once-perky parts disappeared to. I get it! I’m right there with you. But hear me clearly: you are not the sum of your wrinkles, your waistline, or your wardrobe size.

Your worth has never been measured by how young you look. Staying young was never God’s assignment for your life.

God has always cared more about the woman you’re becoming than the mirror you’re facing. Aging invites us to cultivate a richer, deeper inner life; the place where you meet with God, where your roots sink into His love, where intimacy grows in ways your younger self couldn’t have imagined.

This is who you are:
A beloved daughter.
Chosen.
Cherished. Held.
Always His.

And when that truth lands in your bones? It brings a peace no cream, hairstyle, or number on the scale could ever offer.

2. Practice Acceptance

It’s tempting to drift back to who we used to be: the younger body with the quicker metabolism. But chasing a former version of ourselves only steals the joy of who we are right now. Acceptance is a holy invitation to stay present, to honor this season, and to love the woman you’re becoming.

When you practice acceptance, you stop living in the rearview mirror. You let the past be the past. You recognize that you did the best you could with the wisdom, resources, and maturity you had at the time. And that’s enough.

You choose to show up fully in this moment, the only place where God meets you.
Not yesterday.
Not someday.
Today.

Right here is where you feel His nearness. Right now is where grace flows. When you embrace this moment instead of mourning the one you’ve left behind, peace starts to take root. You stop striving to rewrite your story and start living the chapter you’re in, with gratitude and open hands.

Acceptance isn’t giving up. It’s growing up.

3. Acknowledge Your Confidence

Momma, one of the beautiful gifts of midlife is the quiet confidence you carry now. You don’t shrink back like you once did. You’re not rattled by every opinion in the room. You’ve lived enough life, walked through enough valleys, and climbed enough mountains to know you can handle whatever comes.

And here’s the best part:
Your confidence isn’t rooted in ego; it’s rooted in God’s faithfulness.

You’ve seen Him show up too many times to doubt His presence now. Every battle you’ve survived, every prayer you’ve prayed, every heartbreak He’s carried you through has settled something deep inside you: You are not alone.

This confidence feels like standing steady when others crumble.

It’s the kind of strength that comes from knowing God’s power flows through your veins. You walk into a room differently now because you walk in with Him.

This is not arrogance.
This is spiritual maturity.
This is the fruit of a woman who has lived, loved, endured, and trusted God every step of the way.

4. Harness Your Wisdom

 You didn’t wake up one morning full of wisdom. This came from years of showing up, seeking God, and walking through things that could have broken you but didn’t. You earned this hard-won wisdom through tears, prayers, victories, disappointments, and countless moments of trusting God when you couldn’t see the way forward.

This isn’t worldly wisdom or intellectual achievement.
This is Spirit-shaped wisdom, the kind that grows from staying close to God’s heart.

You’ve learned to recognize His whisper in a noisy world.
You’ve followed His nudges when it didn’t make sense.
You’ve obeyed His leading even when it stretched you.

And because of that, you now carry a depth of discernment that younger women long for. You see situations clearly. You sense what’s right. You know when to speak and when to stay silent. You don’t rush decisions because you’ve learned that God’s timing is never late.

Your judgment is sound because your roots run deep.
Your counsel carries weight because it’s soaked in Scripture, prayer, and experience.
People lean in when you speak, not because you’re loud, but because your life has proven trustworthy.

Wisdom is one of God’s greatest gifts to you in midlife.
Embrace it.
Steward it well.

5. Embrace Productivity

Here’s a truth that might just blow your mind: your most productive years are still ahead of you. Research consistently shows that the highest-producing decade of a person’s life is between ages 60–70. The second most productive? Ages 70–80. And the third? Ages 50–60.

Think about that for a moment.

The average age of Nobel Prize winners is 62.
The average age of CEOs leading major companies is 63.
The average age of pastors shepherding the largest churches in America? 71.

So if you’re in your forties or fifties, guess what?
You haven’t even hit your peak yet.
Your greatest impact is still unfolding.

Doesn’t that fill you with hope?

Midlife isn’t a slow fade; it’s a launching pad. This season is ripe with clarity, wisdom, experience, and God-given purpose. You’re not too old, too late, or too far behind. You are perfectly positioned for God to do something powerful through your life.

Let this truth settle in:
You are still becoming.
You are still growing.
You are still capable of great kingdom impact.

Hand your gifts, time, and energy to God and let Him lead you into work that excites your soul. You have decades of purpose in front of you, Momma. Embrace it with joy.

6. Appreciate the Richness of Connection

 One of the greatest gifts of aging is the deep, meaningful connections you’ve built along the way. You were never meant to walk through life alone, and thankfully, you don’t have to. Look around: your husband, your grown kids, your grandbabies, your siblings, your church family, your neighbors, your girlfriends. These relationships are threads God has woven into your story, creating a tapestry of love and belonging.

You’ve fought for these connections.
You’ve forgiven when it was hard.
You’ve shown up when you were tired.
You’ve tried again when things felt fragile.

Why? Because you know the beauty that comes from doing life beside others.

You’ve learned that community strengthens you. Encouragement lifts you. Friendship steadies you. The love you give and the love you receive have shaped who you are today. You’ve grown soft where it matters and strong where it counts.

And here’s the truth:
You are richer because of the people God has placed in your life.
They don’t just surround you, they strengthen you.
Life really is better together.

Momma, it’s time to release the old, inaccurate story culture tells us about aging. This season isn’t a slow fade; it’s a sacred unfolding. Every year we’re given is another opportunity to grow in wisdom, strength, and purpose. When we recognize the beauty and power of this stage of life, our hearts open wide to the good God is still writing into our story.

Aging is not a sign that your impact is diminishing.
It’s proof that God has carried you, shaped you, and prepared you for more.

It’s not over.
God’s not finished.
And truly, some of your most meaningful, joy-filled, and purpose-packed days are still ahead.

Lift your chin, soften your heart, and step boldly into the future He has for you. You’re just getting started.

Let’s pray.

Dear God, I praise you for this season of my life. Help me release the outdated version of what it means to thrive so I can embrace the goodness right here, and now. Please fill me with peace and contentment and lead me to your next best thing. Amen.

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7 Uplifting Prayers Your Heart Needs When Your Adult Child Struggles

Prayer Matters

Your prayers are impactful.

When your adult child struggles, you feel helpless, as you want to rush in and rescue, but you know that’s not the best way to proceed. Your fixing stunts your adult child’s growth. Instead of rescuing, there’s a better way. Support them through prayer.

Prayer is an act of grace and a defiant “no” to the enemy’s schemes in your grownup child’s life. Instead of being upset, you bow your head and engage with your powerful God.

Prayer changes you, as you lay down your rights and get in tune with God’s work on the earth and in your adult child’s life. You trade your worries and fears for confidence in your Maker. You trust your good God will see your child through each struggle. Growth will come. Hope will rise as you intercede.

Remember, your child will struggle; troubles come to all of us. When it all feels too much for you to bear, turn to these prayers. Sit with God and pour it all out, as you exchange your fears for His lovingkindness and grace.

1. A Prayer of Lament When You Need to Be Honest with God

Scripture: 

“Bend down, O Lord, and hear my prayer;  answer me, for I need your help. Protect me, for I am devoted to you. Save me, for I serve you and trust you. You are my God.” Psalm 86:1-2

  Prayer:

Oh, God, it hurts deeply to see my child struggle. I’m hurting and I’m overcome with worry, but I know I need to run to you. So here I am, pouring it all out. I need your help. My child needs your help. Hear me and answer me because I love you and you love me. I know you are my faithful God. Amen.

2. A  Prayer for Releasing the Need to Fix Your Child

Scripture:

“You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything.” Corinthians 6:12

Prayer: 

Dear God, you know I want to rush in and make everything better for my child. I could, but if I did, it would thwart their growth. So give me strength to understand what my child is responsible for and what I’m responsible for. I do not want to get in the way of their maturing. Amen

3. A Prayer for Relinquishing Control of Outcomes

Scripture:

  “You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail.”- Proverbs 19:21

 Prayer:        

God, you know I struggle with expectations about how my child’s life should go. Help me surrender my plans for your purposes. You, alone, know what’s best for my adult child. I relinquish my desire to impact any outcomes. I know your plans and purposes are best. I accept them wholeheartedly. Amen.

4. A Prayer for When You Need to Accept Your Child’s Troubles

Scripture:

 “But Job replied, “You talk like a foolish woman. Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?” So in all this, Job said nothing wrong.”- Job 2:10

Prayer:

Oh, Lord, you know I get this wrong so often. I assume you only give good gifts so when troubles come I’m disappointed in you. That’s the wrong way to view you. Help me understand you allow hardship because you care about my child’s relationship with you, more than their comfort. You are good. You are always good, even when difficulties arrive in my child’s life. Amen.

5. A Prayer for When You Want to Trust God More

Scripture:

“The Lord is my strength and shield.I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.”-Psalm 28:7

Prayer:

Dear Lord, I know this season of my life is all about trusting you more. You love my grown kids more than I do, so help me lean into my relationship with you. Reveal your greatness and reassure me as you teach me how to trust you with my grown children. These kids are yours, and I trust you with my whole heart. I know you're working in unseen ways. I bless you for helping me. I praise your great name. Amen.

6. A  Prayer for Finding Strength in God

Scripture:

“O Lord, do not stay far away! You are my strength; come quickly to my aid!”-Psalm 22:19

Prayer:

Lord, I must confess, there are so many times I feel weak when it comes to my adult kids' struggles. I become consumed with worry and I know that’s not how you want me to live. Be my strength and shield. Help me understand apart from you I am weak and fragile. But when I lean on you, I am held, confident and secure. Be the strength of my life and my confidence forever. Amen.

7. A Prayer that Your Child Seeks God

Scripture:

“If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.”-Jeremiah 29:13

Prayer:

Papa, I ask you to draw my hurting child to your heart. Help them seek you with all their might. Help them lean into you through their suffering. Help them experience your love through these difficult days. When they are far from you, draw them closer, as you minister your love. Amen.

You have the privilege of praying when your adult child fails. Your prayers are important. “Because no one has the burden of heart for your adult children that you do, your prayer for them will have a fervency that no one else’s will have.” - Stormie Omartian, The Power of Praying for Your Adult Children

No one cares for your child more than you; you have a front row seat to God’s miracles in your child’s life. Keep praying, momma!

Can I pray for you?

Dear God of Tender Mercies, I praise you and thank you for this momma. Thank you for seeing her and hearing her. You are a responsive God. Bless this momma with peace in her heart. Give her unwavering confidence in you, her Mighty God. Pour out your steadfast love and faithfulness upon her as she intercedes for her child. Work all the difficult circumstances together for good. Turn misery into a miracle as this momma waits on you. Amen.

Still struggling? 

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