6 Powerful Ways to Cope When Grandparenting Hurts

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6 Powerful Ways to Cope When Grandparenting Hurts

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” -Psalm 73:26

Becoming a grandma is supposed to be one of life’s sweetest joys. But what happens when it brings unexpected sorrow instead?

As moms, we dream of the day our family legacy carries on through the laughter of grandchildren. We imagine snuggles, storytimes, and being part of their everyday lives. But for many of us, that dream hasn’t come to pass the way we hoped, and it hurts deeply.

  • Maybe your adult children have chosen not to have kids.

  •  Maybe there’s distance, emotional or geographical, that keeps you apart.

  •  Maybe you're not allowed to see your grandchildren due to estrangement or strained relationships.

  •  Maybe the family calendar is so packed that there’s rarely time for visits.

  • Or maybe your kids are overwhelmed and anxious about letting their children spend time with you.

Whatever the situation, it leaves you grieving what could have been. And while you can’t control the circumstances, you can turn to the One who sees your heartache and promises to sustain you.

Friend, this is where faith meets reality. God is still near. He’s still working. And He offers you comfort, strength, and peace, even here.

Let’s walk through 6 powerful ways to cope when grandparenting hurts, and invite Jesus into the center of it all.

1. Manage Expectations

Unmet expectations are a fast track to disappointment, especially when it comes to something as tender as grandparenting. You picture how things should look, holiday gatherings, weekend visits, spontaneous snuggles, and when reality doesn’t match the dream, your heart aches.

But friend, you’ve lived long enough to know: expectations can quietly become demands. And when they do, they rob you of peace.

Your grown children were never meant to carry the weight of your happiness. That belongs to the Lord alone. Life can still be rich and full, even when it doesn’t unfold the way you hoped.

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How to Be a Supportive (Not Smothering) Grandma

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How to Be a Supportive (Not Smothering) Grandma

I’ll never forget the night I babysat newborn Wren so her parents, my daughter Keziah and her husband Forrest, could sneak away for a quiet dinner. Before they left, Keziah nursed her, and I gently swaddled that sweet baby and laid her on her side in the cozy Moses basket beside me on the couch. I couldn’t take my eyes off her tiny pug nose, that silky dark hair; she looked so much like her momma.

I snapped a picture and sent it to Keziah to ease any first-time-mom worries. She texted back, “Oh, she’s sleeping. She’s so sweet. Mom, could you please place her on her back? That’s how we want her to sleep.”

For a moment, her words stung. A wave of shame rolled in. Had I done something wrong? But right then, I had a choice: I could take offense, or I could support her. I had already decided in my heart that I wasn’t here to parent, I was here to encourage and uplift.

It’s a moment every grandma faces: Will we hold onto our way, or will we honor the new rhythm our adult children are creating?

Being a grandma is one of the sweetest roles you’ll ever hold. And as Christian grandmothers, our calling is not only to love and enjoy our grandkids, but to support our children with grace, respect their boundaries, and keep pointing our families to Jesus.

Here’s how to walk that line with wisdom, faith, and a whole lot of love.

1. Start with Humility and Prayer

One of the most powerful ways you can love your grandchild is by praying for them, even before they’re born. From the first flutter of news about a pregnancy to every milestone ahead, you have the privilege of standing in the gap for them through prayer. What a grace to cover their life in intercession from the very beginning.

But just as important as prayer is the posture you take with your adult children. Grandparenting starts with humility.

It means resisting the urge to fix, correct, or compare their parenting choices to your own. It means trusting that God is working in their lives, too. Humility says, “I’m here to support, not to steer.” You don’t have to agree with every decision to show honor.

Even when their methods differ from how you raised your own children, humility allows you to step back with grace and trust God to lead them.

“Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, because ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’” -1 Peter 5:5 

Humility and prayer are the foundation for being a supportive grandma because they shift the focus from control to love, from correction to intercession.

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Six Biblical Ways to Improve Communication and Restore Connection in Empty Nest Marriage

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Six Biblical Ways to Improve Communication and Restore Connection in Empty Nest Marriage

Communication can strengthen a marriage or create distance, especially in the empty nest season. After years of parenting, many couples find themselves struggling to reconnect in meaningful ways. Without kids in the house, conversations can feel routine or worse—strained. 

We must rebuild trust and connection through meaningful communication as we settle into our empty nest marriages. There are many advantages to this season of life. We have freedom in our schedules as we’re not schlepping kids around anymore. We have years of shared history that bind us together. Let’s celebrate what God has done through the years.

We need an extra measure of grace and honesty from each other. It’s okay to say to our husbands, “I miss us. I miss the closeness we used to have. I want to be better together. Can we work on this?

God’s Plan for Marriage

 God designed marriage to be a lifelong partnership filled with love, grace, and understanding. If you and your spouse want to deepen your connection, these six biblical principles will help you improve communication and build a stronger, more joy-filled relationship.

1. Prioritize Intentional Conversations:

With the kids out of the house, it’s easy to slip into routines without real connection. Set aside time daily—even just 15 minutes—to talk about more than schedules and to-do lists. Ask, How’s your heart today?

My husband came home from a conference and asked me, “How’s your heart?” And I never felt more seen. It was an invitation to share whatever was on my heart, the good and the bad, the hopes and frustrations. I started asking him the same question, and it took our communication to a deeper level. 

“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” – Colossians 4:6

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Breaking Down Seven Communication Barriers in Empty Nest Marriage

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Breaking Down Seven Communication Barriers in Empty Nest Marriage

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." – Ephesians 4:2

Communication Challenges

It’s not uncommon for empty nest couples to experience barriers to communication.

The barriers were present when the kids were home, but our limitations seem magnified with the buffer of children gone.

According to various studies, a significant majority—around 65% or more—of married couples experience communication difficulties that can impact their relationship, often cited as the primary reason for divorce when not properly addressed.

Does this sound familiar?

  • We fly off the handle instead of being patient.

  • We sulk and give the “cold treatment” in hopes things will get better, but they never do.

  • We don’t know how to listen well or refuse to validate our spouse’s emotions, causing our husband to shut down and retreat.

  • We feel abandoned by our mate.

We long to feel connected, yet we don’t. Every time we try to have a conversation, it fizzles out or ends in conflict, leaving us feeling more isolated than before.

What is God’s perspective on our empty nest communication skills?

When Paul was writing to the church in Ephesus, I think he had married couples in mind. He knew of our propensity to think we’re right and demand something of our spouses. Instead, we’re welcomed to approach our mate with a submitted heart and a willingness to learn and grow:

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” – Ephesians 4:2

As we identify the barriers to communication, we don’t point fingers. Instead, we choose humility and respond with a gentle reply, knowing we all need to grow and improve. Rather than feeling frustrated with our mate, we remember our covenant of love.

Communication isn’t the only necessary element in a healthy marriage. You also need respect, love, commitment, a desire to connect, and fun. When you build on this foundation, you’ll be better equipped to adjust how you talk to each other. Identifying communication barriers can help you overcome obstacles in your relationship.

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