How to Be a Supportive (Not Smothering) Grandma

I’ll never forget the night I babysat newborn Wren so her parents, my daughter Keziah and her husband Forrest, could sneak away for a quiet dinner. Before they left, Keziah nursed her, and I gently swaddled that sweet baby and laid her on her side in the cozy Moses basket beside me on the couch. I couldn’t take my eyes off her tiny pug nose, that silky dark hair; she looked so much like her momma.

I snapped a picture and sent it to Keziah to ease any first-time-mom worries. She texted back, “Oh, she’s sleeping. She’s so sweet. Mom, could you please place her on her back? That’s how we want her to sleep.”

For a moment, her words stung. A wave of shame rolled in. Had I done something wrong? But right then, I had a choice: I could take offense, or I could support her. I had already decided in my heart that I wasn’t here to parent, I was here to encourage and uplift.

It’s a moment every grandma faces: Will we hold onto our way, or will we honor the new rhythm our adult children are creating?

Being a grandma is one of the sweetest roles you’ll ever hold. And as Christian grandmothers, our calling is not only to love and enjoy our grandkids, but to support our children with grace, respect their boundaries, and keep pointing our families to Jesus.

Here’s how to walk that line with wisdom, faith, and a whole lot of love.

1. Start with Humility and Prayer

One of the most powerful ways you can love your grandchild is by praying for them, even before they’re born. From the first flutter of news about a pregnancy to every milestone ahead, you have the privilege of standing in the gap for them through prayer. What a grace to cover their life in intercession from the very beginning.

But just as important as prayer is the posture you take with your adult children. Grandparenting starts with humility.

It means resisting the urge to fix, correct, or compare their parenting choices to your own. It means trusting that God is working in their lives, too. Humility says, “I’m here to support, not to steer.” You don’t have to agree with every decision to show honor.

Even when their methods differ from how you raised your own children, humility allows you to step back with grace and trust God to lead them.

“Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, because ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’” -1 Peter 5:5 

Humility and prayer are the foundation for being a supportive grandma because they shift the focus from control to love, from correction to intercession.

2. Let Your Adult Children Lead

One of the unexpected gifts of grandparenting is this: you’re no longer in charge, and what a relief that can be. Your role is no longer to lead, but to support. To encourage. To come alongside your adult children as they step into the sacred calling of parenthood.

You’re not the primary guide anymore; you’re the steady backup, the safe haven of wisdom and love when they need it. When you graciously step aside and allow your adult children to lead, you’re giving them the gift of confidence. Your trust in them affirms their role and strengthens their courage in this new season.

Even if you would do things differently, resist the urge to correct or undermine their decisions. A single word of doubt can sow seeds of tension, but a word of encouragement? That can bloom into a beautiful relationship of mutual respect.

“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.”-1 Thessalonians 5:11

By choosing to follow their lead with grace and humility, you’re not just supporting their parenting, you’re honoring your new role as a godly grandmother.

3. Be a Safe Place, Not a Source of Pressure

As a grandma, you get to choose how you show up, and let it be with love, not pressure. You have the opportunity to be a calming, steady presence in your family, not someone who adds tension or unmet expectations.

That means holding your role with open hands. You’re not here to control the schedule, insist on traditions, or make demands. You’re here to love freely and joyfully, without strings attached. When you give your adult children the freedom to parent without feeling scrutinized or obligated, you build trust, and that creates a peaceful, safe space for everyone.

You don’t need to be the director of the family drama. You get to be the soft landing place. The encourager. The one who makes your grandkids light up when you walk in the room, not because you insisted on your way, but because your love is gentle and joy-filled.

“Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.” -Romans 14:19 

Peace is a choice, and as a grandma, you have the privilege of bringing it into every room you enter.

4. Serve Without Strings Attached

Helping with your grandkids is one of the sweetest joys of this season, but it’s important to check your heart as you do it. Are you serving to support your kids, or are you hoping to gain favor, influence decisions, or compete with the other set of grandparents?

Let your service come from a place of love, not leverage.

Offer help freely, not as a way to earn something in return. When you serve with no strings attached, you reflect the heart of Christ, and that kind of love leaves a lasting legacy.

Whether it’s rocking a baby to sleep, babysitting on short notice, or bringing over a meal, do it as a gift, not a strategy. Your grown kids will feel the difference, and so will your grandkids.

“Serve one another humbly in love.”- Galatians 5:13 

This kind of love isn’t manipulative or self-seeking. It’s generous. Joyful. Pure. And it creates the kind of bond that makes your family stronger and your role as a grandma deeply life-giving.

5. Celebrate the Blessing of This Season

Not every woman gets to wear the title Grandma, but you do. What a precious privilege! Instead of grumbling about what’s different or not quite how you imagined, choose to see this season for what it truly is: a gift straight from the hand of God.

To love a grandchild is one of life’s sweetest joys. And to come alongside your adult children with support, prayer, and practical help. That’s the heart of godly grandparenting. You’re not just filling time, you’re sowing seeds of faith, stability, and love into a new generation.

You are building legacy with every cuddle, every prayer, every encouraging word. This is one of the greatest blessings of your midlife years, and it’s worth celebrating with your whole heart.

“The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.”
-Psalm 126:3 

Let joy be the banner over this season. You’ve entered holy ground, where faith, family, and legacy beautifully come together.

Being a grandma is one of the sweetest chapters God writes in our lives. It’s not about doing everything perfectly; it’s about showing up with love, humility, and joy. As you support your adult children and pour into your grandkids, remember: your role isn’t to take over, but to come alongside. Be supportive, not smothering. Be prayerful, not pushy. You’re building a legacy rooted in grace, and that starts with honoring the space your children need to thrive.

What a gift this season is; let’s savor it well.

Let’s pray.

Dear Papa, I want to be a life-giving Grandma, not a pushy one. Give me wisdom and discernment to support my child well and be the kind of grandma they dreamed of. Thank you for the blessing of letting go and loving my grandchildren well. Amen.

Still struggling?

What did I say? Grab my free guide: 10 Things Not to Say to Your Adult Child(and 5 Ways to Stop Yourself From Saying Them), A starter list of things moms say that frustrate their adult children. Identify the statements that trip you up and learn strategies for more harmony and connection in your relationship with your grown children.

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