Six Questions Every Empty Nest Mom Should Ask to Discover Her God-Given Purpose

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No woman slides quietly or effortlessly into the empty nest. This is a monumental transition, and most of us arrive here feeling unprepared for what comes next or unsure how God is still at work in us.

As we stand on the edge of this new season, the questions get louder:
What’s next?
 Who am I apart from motherhood?
 Does my life still have purpose, and if so, what is it now?

If you’ve asked any of those questions, you’re not behind. You’re right on time.

Scripture reminds us, “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do” (Ephesians 2:10). That promise didn’t expire when your kids left home. God’s purposes for you are not tied to one role or one season; they are woven into who you are.

As an Empty Nest Coach, I’ve learned something important: clarity doesn’t come from quick answers. It comes from asking better questions. And questions are exactly what we need in this season of shifting identities and fresh possibilities we didn’t see coming.

Let’s be honest, we’d all love a clarion call from heaven that says, “This is what I created you for. Do this.” But more often than not, God leads us gently, inviting us to look inward and backward before we move forward.

The surest way to uncover your purpose is to become thoughtfully introspective, to mine your story and your God-given motivations for clues to what He’s been preparing you for all along.

So let’s dig.
Here are six questions to help you discover your purpose in the empty nest.
 Grab your journal, open your heart, and let’s go looking for gold together.

1. What Are You Passionate About?

What is the one thing your heart keeps circling back to, no matter the season or the responsibilities on your plate?

Another way to ask this is: What sets your soul on fire? What topic, cause, or activity stirs something deep within you and moves you to action?

Passion has a way of rising to the surface without effort. It’s the thing you could talk about for thirty minutes without notes. The conversation that energizes you instead of draining you. The space where you feel most alive, most yourself, and most engaged.

This kind of passion doesn’t feel forced. It doesn’t feel heavy. It feels life-giving. When you’re leaning into it, time passes quickly, and fulfillment comes naturally, not because it’s easy, but because it’s aligned.

Pay attention to what lights you up. God often plants our passions as clues to our purpose. When you follow what He’s been stirring in your heart, you may just find that He’s been preparing you for this season all along.

“Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”- Psalm 37:4

This verse reminds us that when our hearts are anchored in God, the desires He places within us are not selfish or accidental. Often, our deepest passions are God-given, planted there to draw us toward the good works He’s inviting us into now. As you pay attention to what delights you, trust that God may be revealing something sacred about your purpose in this season.

2. What Are Your Natural Gifts?

God has wired you in very specific ways, and those gifts didn’t disappear when your kids left home.

What comes naturally to you? What do others consistently thank you for or seek you out to help with? Maybe you’re a steady listener, a wise encourager, a creative thinker, an organizer, a teacher, or a natural leader. These abilities often feel ordinary to us because they’ve always been there, but that doesn’t make them insignificant.

Your natural gifts are the things you do with ease and grace, often without formal training. They’re the strengths that quietly show up again and again in your relationships, your work, your church, and your home. While passion points to what excites you, your gifts reveal how God has equipped you to serve.

Scripture tells us, “We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us” (Romans 12:6). That means your gifts are not random, and they are not meant to be compared. They are grace-filled and intentional, designed to be used for God’s glory in this season of your life.

Take inventory without minimizing or dismissing what comes easily to you. God often uses what feels most natural to accomplish what is most meaningful. Your gifts are not leftovers from a past season; they are tools for what He’s calling you into now.

3. How Have You Served in the Past?

Your past is not something to move beyond or dismiss; it’s something to mine for wisdom. As you look back over the years of raising your children, pay attention to the ways you naturally showed up to serve.

Were you the one who stepped in to lead when something needed organizing or direction? The mom who gathered people, made plans, and carried responsibility with confidence? Or were you the quiet servant, the one who noticed needs, offered steady support, and served faithfully behind the scenes with humility and care?

These patterns matter. They reveal how God has shaped you through lived experience. Scripture tells us, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28). God has revealed His purposes in the past, and He will continue to do so in the empty nest.

4. What Motivates You?

This question moves us from what you’re good at to what energizes you. Motivation is about noticing what stirs you to action, what pulls you forward rather than pushes you from behind.

Pay attention to what gives you energy instead of draining it. What activities leave you feeling more alive, more hopeful, or more engaged? What ideas spark enthusiasm and make you want to lean in rather than check out?

Motivation often reveals itself in contrast. Notice what exhausts you and what fuels you. The difference matters. When something aligns with how God has wired you, it feels life-giving, even when it requires effort. You may find yourself thinking, “This is what I was made for. I could do this all day and still have joy.”

Scripture reminds us, “For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill His good purpose” (Philippians 2:13). That inner drive, the desire to show up, serve, create, or lead, may very well be God at work within you, nudging you toward what He’s calling you to next.

Listen closely to what motivates you. God often uses holy desire to guide us into meaningful purpose.

5. What Skills Have You Honed Through Motherhood?

Motherhood has been one of your greatest training grounds, even if it didn’t come with a résumé or a paycheck. Over the years, you’ve developed a distinct and valuable skill set, shaped by love, perseverance, and daily faithfulness.

Think about it. Have you become a clear and firm communicator? A flexible problem-solver or an agile planner? Maybe you’ve built physical strength from years of wrangling toddlers, carrying car seats, or simply showing up day after day. Perhaps you’ve grown into a steady leader, a capable organizer, or a wise decision-maker.

Many moms have also developed deep compassion and empathy through hardship. You may have learned how to advocate fiercely for your child, navigate medical or emotional challenges, or walk through seasons that required courage you didn’t know you had. Those experiences were not wasted; they refined you.

Scripture assures us, “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up” (Galatians 6:9). The good work you’ve done in motherhood has produced strength, wisdom, and resilience that can now be stewarded in new ways.

Take time to notice what God has been honing in you all along. The skills shaped in one season often become the tools for purpose in the next. God truly wastes nothing.

6. Where Is God Leading You?

Ultimately, the surest way to discover your purpose is to ask God to lead you and then trust that He will. The One who orders your steps and holds every moment of your life already sees this season clearly. You are not wandering. You are being guided.

This is who your God is. This is how faithfully He cares for you.

Scripture reminds us, “The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in Him” (Psalm 37:23). God is not vague or withholding with His children. He promises to lead, to direct, and to go before you, often one step at a time.

Your role is not to figure everything out. Your role is to get before Him in prayer, invite His guidance, and then keep your eyes open to where He is already at work. Pay attention to recurring nudges, open doors, timely conversations, and the quiet peace that settles when something aligns with His will.

As you pray, ask God to lead, and then listen. Connect your prayers to what He’s unfolding in your real, everyday life. Purpose often reveals itself as we walk with God, not before we move.

There is no need to fear this season or wonder if your purpose has somehow passed you by. You serve a faithful God: one who reveals, directs, and gently guides as you pause, reflect, and grow curious about the life He’s been shaping within you all along.

As you pay attention to what stirs your heart, what motivates your steps, and what brings a holy sense of joy to your soul, trust this: your purpose is not lost; it’s unfolding. It’s been forming through every season of motherhood, every challenge you’ve walked through, and every strength God has quietly cultivated in you.

The empty nest is not an ending. It’s an invitation.

An invitation to listen more closely, to trust more deeply, and to partner with God as He reveals what’s next. You don’t have to rush. You don’t have to have it all figured out. You simply have to show up with an open heart and a willing spirit.

So go ahead. Invite God into the process. Ask the questions. Take the next step.
Your purpose is waiting, and God is eager to walk with you as you discover it. 

Let’s pray.

Dear Papa, I praise you for the woman I am becoming. I don’t want to go back to a younger version of myself. Help me embrace who I am now and see the ways you’ve wired me and made me who I am. I long to know your purpose for this season. Reveal it to me and make it clear. Amen.

Still struggling with letting go?

The Transitional Grief Journaling Guide is a faith-filled resource designed to help empty nest moms process the deep emotions of letting go. Through six guided reflection questions, you’ll name your feelings, invite God into your grief, and discover His comfort in the middle of change. This gentle companion will remind you that transitional grief is only a season and God is leading you toward peace, purpose, and joy.

Transitional Grief in the Empty Nest: What It Is and How to Cope

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Transitional Grief in the Empty Nest: What It Is and How to Cope

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.” -Ecclesiastes 3:1

For most Christian moms, the wave of grief that follows launching a child is both unexpected and overwhelming, but it is completely normal. Overnight, the rhythm of daily life changes. The children who once filled the home with laughter, questions, and late-night snack raids are no longer near. Instead, longing creeps in. Moms find themselves wishing for just one more ordinary day of packing lunches, hearing the front door slam, or tripping over backpacks in the hallway.

The silence is deafening. Walking past a child’s empty bedroom can trigger a flood of tears, memories, and a painful awareness that life will never look quite the same. Moms who once felt confident in their role suddenly feel shaky, disoriented, and unsure of their purpose.

This tender ache has a name: transitional grief. It’s the emotional valley between what was and what is still becoming. The good news? It’s a season, not a life sentence. With honesty, healthy coping, and God’s grace, moms can move through this grief and discover new peace and purpose on the other side.

Now let’s unpack transitional grief: what it is, how to identify it, how to cope with it, and why trusting God makes all the difference.

1. What Is Transitional Grief?


 Transitional grief is the deep sadness that arises whenever life shifts in a significant way. In the empty nest, it comes when your child leaves home and daily life as you’ve known it changes forever. You may feel torn: proud and excited to see your child step into their future, yet aching at the empty space they leave behind. That tension is normal. It’s not weakness or failure; it’s the natural grief of letting go.

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Boundaries with Adult Children: Phrases and Behaviors to Avoid

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Boundaries with Adult Children: Phrases and Behaviors to Avoid

If you’ve ever hesitated to set boundaries with your adult child, you’re not alone. Many moms feel torn, worried they’ll come across as harsh, pushy, or unloving. Others simply don’t know the right words to use, so they stay quiet and hope things will get better on their own.

But here’s the truth: healthy boundaries are not about control, they’re about love. Boundaries create space for respect, clarity, and connection. They require courage, self-awareness, and honest communication. And as Christian moms, we have the comfort of knowing that boundaries are God’s idea.

Jesus modeled them beautifully. He withdrew to rest and pray, said “no” when necessary, and confronted unhealthy behavior with both truth and grace. He showed us that it’s possible to be firm without being unkind and that boundaries can actually strengthen relationships rather than tear them down.

That’s exactly what we long for as moms of grown children: deep connection that isn’t clouded by guilt, frustration, or resentment.

With that in mind, let’s look at six common phrases and behaviors to avoid when setting boundaries with your adult kids, so you can protect your relationship while honoring the Lord.

1. Don’t Speak in Anger


 When we feel taken advantage of, resentment can simmer until it finally bubbles over. That’s when we’re tempted to snap, lash out, or say something we’ll regret. But anger rarely builds connection; it usually drives a wedge deeper.

Instead, take your frustration to the Lord first. Pray, journal, or take a walk to process your emotions before you speak. When your heart is calm, you’ll be able to approach your adult child with gentleness and wisdom. That way, the boundary you set won’t be clouded by harsh words but will be rooted in love, truth, and respect.

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What to Do When Your Adult Child Won't Launch

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What to Do When Your Adult Child Won't Launch

Launching is a normal and necessary part of life with our young adult children, but what happens when they don’t want to leap into the great big world?

I’m not talking about kids who can’t launch due to health issues or developmental delays. I’m talking about the ones who won’t launch. The ones who seem perfectly content letting you make the decisions, pay the bills, and carry the weight of their adult responsibilities.

Of course, it’s completely appropriate for young adults to return home for a season, between college semesters, job changes, or before getting married. We want our homes to be a safe place for them to land. But that’s not what this is about.

This is about the emotional toll of watching your capable child stay stuck. It’s draining. Confusing. Maybe even a little scary. You might be wondering, Did I do too much? Am I enabling them? Is this codependency?

If you’re wrestling with those questions, you’re not alone. Let’s look at six practical steps you can take when your adult child resists launching, and how you can lovingly shift the dynamic without losing the relationship.

1. Practice Healthy Communication

Open, honest communication is key when your adult child is reluctant to launch. Be clear and direct about your concerns, but also take time to listen, really listen, with curiosity and compassion. Ask thoughtful questions, not to lecture or pressure, but to understand what’s going on in their heart and mind.

At the same time, don’t shy away from sharing your own perspective. Speak with love and humility, expressing how their choices impact you and the household. Keep the conversation two-sided and ongoing. It’s through consistent, respectful dialogue that trust is built and change becomes possible.

“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” -Colossians 4:6 

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Want to Be a Great Mother-In-Law? Stop Doing These 8 Things

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Want to Be a Great Mother-In-Law? Stop Doing These 8 Things

Do you have a vision for the kind of mother-in-law you want to be?

 It’s common to see mother-in-laws portrayed as controlling, easily offended, and judgmental. What a heartbreaking perspective. It doesn’t have to be that way.

As a Christian mother-in-law, your role is to be a loving, supportive presence, not a source of tension or control. This requires intentionality and grace towards yourself as you learn this new role.

Here are some key things NOT to do if you want to build a strong, God-honoring relationship with your child’s spouse:

1. Don’t Compete for Your Child’s Loyalty

You are not in competition with your child’s spouse. Once your child is married, their spouse becomes their priority. You are willing to step aside as your child clings to their mate. This is God’s good plan for marriage as laid out in Genesis 2:24, “Leave his father and mother and cling to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”

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Letting Go of Doubt: How Christian Moms Thrive in Empty Nest Purpose

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letting go of doubt: how christian moms thrive in empty nest purpose

“Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”- Mark 9:24

A Mind Full of Doubts

Nancy stood at the window as doubts rumbled in her mind. Her kids were moving on, and she needed to find a fresh purpose. “I’m a good listener. I’m intuitive and understand human behavior. I love helping people, but I don’t know if I can do it now,” she thought.

She had dreams of being a counselor, but the Accuser worked diligently to fill her mind with doubts. “You're too old” and “It’ll be too hard.” were his continual comments. 

“How do people just start over? What if I fail? What if I’m not good at it?” she wondered. The questions were on repeat, but she couldn’t deny she felt the Lord prompting her to enroll in college classes. 

Nancy’s husband encouraged her and her Bible study friends prayed through it with her. She and her girlfriend walked and talked about the new possibilities every day, and yet she stood at a crossroad.  Would she let her doubts win or would she walk by faith and step into a fresh season with renewed purpose?

What’s Next?

Most moms will stand on the edge of the empty nest, wondering what they will do next. We feel empty and purposeless, floundering through our days.

But what if this is the season of great opportunity?

Does God have a new job, ministry, business, or lifelong dream that He’s calling you to step into?

We start pondering our purpose as our children leave our homes. 

For decades our lives were firmly planted in motherhood. We thrived and grew as we parented. We understood the assignment and the expectations.  

Now we’re flooded with doubts. Fears mount as possibilities are presented.

We’re suddenly overwhelmed and suffer with a significant crisis of faith as we scurry to make sense of our future. We’re not unlike that middle school version of ourselves, plagued by uncertainty and “what will others think” arguments. 

Surely on the other side of our doubts we find God’s gentle nudges which lead us to our next purpose.

Motherhood is glorious, but it’s one role our Lord had for you. He’s not done yet. 

God has made provision for every apprehension, state of confusion, or reluctance. On the backside of doubt is His gracious purpose for you.

Take heart, momma. God is most tender with you in this season of life. He does not condemn or chide. He takes your hand and says, “Follow me. I will show you exactly what to do.”

Unbelief

The story in Mark speaks of a father who’s exasperated with his son’s sickness. He finally brings him to Jesus. Jesus, with a heart of compassion, tells the father he only has to believe and his son will be healed. The father replied with the most honest statement. “I do believe! Help me overcome my unbelief.” Mark 9:24

Help me overcome my unbelief or doubt has been the cry of the human condition for generations. Thankfully there are practical steps to releasing your reluctance. 

Let’s look at four ways to let go of doubt.

1. Acknowledging doubt is normal.

Before you can let something go, you must first acknowledge it. Instead of denying or justifying your doubt, name it. Bring it out in the presence of Jesus and say, “I’m scared.” 

It is normal to doubt when you’re on the edge of an unfamiliar season of life, like stepping into the empty nest. Please do not feel ashamed or less than because of your doubt. View it as an opportunity to talk to Jesus about it. You will be met with immense compassion and empathy. Thankfully, Jesus never lets us stay stuck there.

2. Counter the doubt with faith.

When you experience doubt you need to wrestle with God, until He strengthens your faith. You could give up and not receive all the good God has for you, or you could get down on the mat and fight for your bright future. 

Search the scriptures to find nuggets of truth about God’s guidance and provision for you. Your faith will only grow when you step over your doubts and crush them to the ground. That’s where real faith flourishes. Allow the scriptures to strengthen your soul so you can move past the apprehension you feel.

3. Move forward in spite of fear.

If you’re waiting to have no fear, I’m afraid, you’ll be waiting a long time. Only in heaven will you be completely fearless. On this side of heaven you need to learn to move forward in spite of your reluctance. 

Fear doesn’t magically go away. You must learn to manage it. You’re the boss of it, as God leads. It’s helpful to adopt a mindset that says, “Even though I’m afraid, I trust God to lead me to His best plans for my new purpose.  As you move forward, fear is diminished and confidence in God rises. One day it will be laughable how comfortable you feel in your fresh purpose.

4. Be willing to feel uncomfortable.

Ease is the fodder of those who remain purposeless. Instead of pursuing comfort, be willing to be stretched. Allow doubt to be an opportunity for your growth.

Seek God as you move through the uncomfortable and allow Him to reveal His will. Pray and seek God’s heart for His purpose in this season of life. Let God guide every step and trust His heart. Eventually, you’ll feel comfortable in what He’s called you to do. That’s how good He is. 

It’s not uncommon for moms to be plagued with doubts once our children are grown. It makes sense because our lives were focused on motherhood. But with every crisis of faith, we can trust God’s hand. When we face the future with courage and reliance on God we can be confident He will lead us to our fresh purposes. 

Let’s pray.        

Dear Papa, thank you for helping me with my unbelief. Help me make it through this crisis of faith so I can step into the good plans you have prepared for me. Fill me with courage and strength to pursue what you are leading me to do. I trust you even when I’m afraid. Amen.


Still struggling?

Grab my free guide, Your Kids Are Grown….Now What? It’s a robust guide to help you understand the three different phases of midlife motherhood. You’ll move from the Empty-Feeling Mom, the Questioning Mom, and the Celebratory Mom. The guide will help you see what to expect next. 

Just leave your name and email so I know where to send it. 

Embracing Now: Nurturing Peace for Worrier Moms

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Embracing Now: Nurturing Peace for Worrier Moms

Runaway Thoughts

As I loaded the dishwasher, worry clung to me like a staticky silk skirt. Soon Rebekah would drive seven hours from Evangel University, in Springfield, Missouri, to our home in Iowa. “Was it even a good idea for a single young woman to travel across the country alone?”, I wondered. My imagination ran wild as I envisioned car trouble, or worse, an attack at a gas station, or a horrific car accident. I’d be so far away, it would take forever for me to get to her. 

Anxiety mounted in my chest. Every scenario I played out in my mind had a deadly ending. I shook my head back to the present, astonished how far I had let my imagination wander. Shame enveloped me. It was ridiculous and so unbecoming of the woman of God I was. Why did I have such a small view of God in those moments? Why had I let worry run free in my mind?  

Worry and Fear

We get lost in worry for the future, don’t we momma? Peace is swept away as anxiety grows in our hearts and minds. What’s a momma to do?

There are two things that keep us from the present with our adult children: worry and fear. Oh, how easy it is for moms to jump ahead and fear the unknown future. These negative forces take root in our thoughts as we predict events that haven’t even happened. We’re consumed with “what ifs.” We are robbed of our peace and joy. 

Julie LeFebure, author of, Right Now Matters, said, “The future becomes a distraction when we allow fear and worry to fill it.” Do we realize our worry is a distraction? The enemy designed it so it would make us take our eyes off God. We get focused in unseen places and we completely miss God.  

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From Nostalgic to Now: Empowering Moms to Embrace the Present

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From Nostalgic to Now: Empowering Moms to Embrace the Present

“Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?” - Isaiah 43:18-19

Shuffling Down Memory Lane

Angela sat crossed-legged on the wood floor surrounded by tattered photo albums of her kids. How many times had she returned to them to reminisce? “Who even uses photo albums anymore?” she wondered.

Memories flooded her mind as she recalled tender, silly moments with her growing children. It was so much easier then. She knew exactly what to do. Even when she questioned her mothering skills, she knew how to find answers. Her local MOPS group was filled with friends and squirrely kids. Moms traded parenting tips like their kids exchanged Pokemon cards. They prayed together and clung to each other. There was so much support. They scoured Parenting magazine and listened to Dr. Dobson's, Focus on the Family. The answers to parenting questions were plentiful back then.

There was a rhythm to life that revolved around feeding, bathing, playing, and bedtime routines with her children. Every season she’d sort through their clothing and assess what new items they needed. Hand Me Downs and garage sale finds were traded between kids. 

Her biggest problems were endless laundry, bickering kids, defiant toddlers, and the need to cook another meal for her hungry crew. Oh, how she wished she could go back in time where she felt assured of her role in this world. Her children adored her, even if they did have moments of tension, she knew how to make it better.


Right Now

Now that her children are grown, life feels more complicated. The stakes are higher. There are bigger obstacles, and she’s supposed to “let go.” How can she honor the past, but not get stuck there?  


Pitfalls of Living in the Past

It’s normal for moms with adult children to get stuck in the past. Nostalgia overwhelms us and we don’t always accept the grownup child in front of us. Truth be told, we’d rather go back to simpler days. Nostalgia has its place. It’s okay to reminisce, as long as we don’t get stuck in some idealized version of the past.   

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Managing Holiday Expectations with Adult Children: Tips for a Joyful Holiday Season

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Managing Holiday Expectations with Adult Children: Tips for a Joyful Holiday Season

 “Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth.” - 1 Timothy 6:6


Longing for Christmas Past

Angela riffled through the familiar Christmas boxes, as she quietly set up the tree. Memories of Christmases past swirled through her mind. Christmas morning arrived with bleary eyed kids awake early, while gooey cinnamon rolls baked in the oven. The smell of cinnamon and a fresh brewed pot of coffee wafted through the home. The three eager kids were lined up on the couch, in their matching Christmas jammies, waiting for them to doll out their presents. “Which one did Santa bring?” the youngest exclaimed as Angela and her hubby shared a knowing glance.

Hours were spent on the floor playing with their new toys, while discarded Christmas wrapping and bows floated around the room. Lego sets were carefully organized at the table as little boys built their new creations. They could barely pull the kids away from their new treasures to enjoy a little Christmas breakfast. 

“I wonder what Christmas will be like this year?” Angela thought. I wish we could go back to those simple days when all the kids were at home. We had them all to ourselves. It was so easy. We didn’t have to share with in-laws. I wish we could just keep it all the same forever. I feel sad that those days are gone.  


A Season to Adapt

We long to cling to the good ole days when our kids were young and we knew exactly what to expect. It was easier. We weren’t required to adapt. We wouldn’t be disappointed. We understand this tension of longing for the past but realize we must adapt for the good of the whole.

 This is a new season with our adult children and holding on to old expectations is the surest way to ruin the holiday season for our whole family. We have a gracious God who willingly supports us as we learn new ways.

Let's define expectations so we’re all on the same page.  According to Collins Dictionary, a person's expectations are strong beliefs they have about the proper way someone should behave or something should happen.

For moms, a lot of expectations center around how we believe the holidays should look for our families. When our kids don’t meet those expectations it causes tension.Disappointment bubbles up, resentment brews.

Do you have expectations of what the holiday season should look like? Are you crushed when your expectations aren’t met by your grown kids? What if there were a better way for us to enjoy the holiday season with our growing families?

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How to Manage Your Grief When Your Child Leaves

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How to Manage Your Grief When Your Child Leaves

“Therefore the Lord longs to be gracious to you. And therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you.” -Isaiah 30:18

College Drop Off

The sadness lingered below the surface as I gazed in the rearview mirror. Moriah’s warm amber eyes looked back at me as the wintry landscape was reflected in the car window. Oh, how I would miss those eyes and seeing her cuddled up on the couch with another novel. Who would instigate sibling teasing now? She was the mischievous one in our family. 

We headed to the city from our rural community to drop off our daughter at college. She graduated high school a semester early, then started college that January. “Was this even a good idea,” I wondered? Is she too young? I’m not ready to let her go. I flung a silent prayer to heaven. “Lord, help me be brave for her today.” 

 I plastered on my bright smile as we schlepped boxes up the stairs of the dorm, while young students and eager family members drifted through the halls. Excitement commingled with grief. I dreaded the thought of saying goodbye. With each load, I knew the inevitable would happen. I’d drive away from this pristine campus, nestled in the city, and leave a little bit of my heart behind. 

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My Midlife Battle Cry

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My Midlife Battle Cry

Have you ever received a surprise via email?

I opened my email and started reading about his gorgeous green book called, Midlife Battle Cry: Redefining the Mighty Second Half, by Dawn Barton. The email mentioned my niche to midlife women and asked if I’d be interested in a free copy. Well, my ears perked up and I said, “Yes, I’d love a free copy of this book.”  All I had to do, in return, was write a blog for “my people” and share it on social media. Easy Peasy. The book arrived a few days later.
That evening, I crawled into the hot bubble bath and opened the introduction. I was hooked, even though she jokingly said, “No one reads the introduction.” I always read the introduction because this is where the writer tells us what we get from reading said book.  

She talked about the shock of reaching the “fiddy” milestone birthday and all the expectations we carry along with a bag of regrets. We wonder what’s next and if we’re all a little washed up in midlife.She proposes the second half is the best and half and I have to agree. 


More About the Book

 From the back cover:  “In Midlife Battle Cry, hilarious bestselling author Dawn Barton blends stories, insights and –yes some sass—to inspire you to 

  • embrace who you are physically, spiritually, and emotionally;

  • make your midlife a pivot point into a bold and powerful season; 

  • share your experience and wisdom; and 

  • accept that sometimes adding arch support to your favorite shoes is the way to go.”

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How to Be a Haven for Your Adult Child

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How to Be a Haven for Your Adult Child

“Love does no wrong to others, so love fulfills the requirements of God’s law.” - Romans 13:10

Oh how we enjoy family time together! 

Our robust family of thirteen is spread across Missouri, Illinois, Minnesota, and Iowa. We gather together two-three times each year. When they were young, I never imagined the physical distance between us. It’s hard for all of us. The kids are constantly bickering about which state is the best to live in and why don’t we all join them there. 

Our adult kids traveled hundreds of miles and descended on our home weary and stiff, but happy to be there, for the long July 4th weekend. Hugs were shared as each family trudged up the front steps with suitcases and a few pets. 

Our normal, tidy home for two, was bustling with chaos and activity. The diabetic cat and the hyper Goldendoodle weren’t too fond of each other. We were vigilant to keep them apart. The coffee pot never stopped humming, and we went through an insane amount of Coke. Each family was in charge of a meal, from grocery shopping, prep, cooking, and cleanup. The bathrooms were busy, as the washing machine spun the dirty towels.

My Family Is Just Like Yours

We’re like any normal family. We have different values and beliefs. We say or do things that are insensitive. We get miffed with each other. We have our share of struggles, including mental health, financial, job transitions, friendship despair, philosophical, and religious differences, but we have purposed in our hearts to create a home where our grown kids are loved and welcomed, just as they are. We endeavor to apologize when necessary and listen well.

In her book Love, Pray, Listen, Mary DeMuth says this: “Your job is to create a haven relationship, one where your adult kids long to be near you because of how they feel in your presence.” It’s the heartbeat of what we’ve created with our grown children. We want to be a safe space for them. We want them to enjoy being with us. We want to love them as Christ loves us. 

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The Best Ways to Easily Stay Present with Your Senior

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The Best Ways to Easily Stay Present with Your Senior

“There’s an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth: A right time to hold on and another to let go.” Ecclesiastes 3:6

I watched Rebekah gracefully cross the stage to accept her certificate, confident and composed, as my mind flashed to her four-year-old-self. I saw her in her purple sequined tutu and her first pair of tap shoes, blissfully on stage at her first dance recital. Her wavy hair was piled on top of her head in a messy bun, with a purple feather hat tipped to the side. She grinned from ear to ear as the music faded up. Her brown eyes sparkled as she danced.

I remembered the challenging middle school years where girls hurled insults and hurt her tender heart. “Mean Girls” wasn’t just a movie, it was a shocking reality for my young teen. She navigated rejection and learned important lessons about friendship.

High school brought endless leadership opportunities and growth. And here we were at the end, as our calendar was filled with events.The final Choir Concert, Spring Musical, National Honor Society Banquet, Prom, Student Council Banquet, Speech Banquet. She blissfully walked through each event while I thought my heart would break in two. How can a mom experience such joy and sadness in the same moments?

My thoughts raced ahead. In three short months, we’d be dropping her off at a college 431 miles away from us. What were we thinking? Will she find good friends? Will she feel homesick and want to come home? What am I going to do without my daughter? No more coffee dates, Target runs, or show tunes blaring from the bathroom. Anxiety and fear welled up inside of me. I dreaded thinking about the fall, and the deep loss I would experience. 

It was time to give myself a little pep talk. “Focus on today,” I told myself. “She hasn’t left yet. Enjoy your summer together.”

Momma, how about you? Are you moving too fast and already grieving when your child leaves in the fall? What if there is a way to stay present with our children and soak up all the goodness, today? Right here. Right now.

It’s a normal response to feel sad, when we think about the future apart from our grownup child. What if instead of projecting into the unknown future, we stayed active and present with our seniors while they were still home?  

Imagine my shock, as a friend was telling me about this passage in the Message version. A certain phrase stood out and I know it will mean a lot to you too. “There’s an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth: A right time to hold on and another to let go.” Ecclesiastes 3:6.  Momma, God is saying there’s a right time to hold and another to let go. Isn’t that the best news? It’s not time to let go, YET! God invites you to hold on for a little while longer and savor the moments with your emerging adult. Isn’t that the sweetest permission?

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4 Reasons God is Remarkably Faithful to You

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4 Reasons God is Remarkably Faithful to You

 “Yahweh! The Lord! The God of compassion and mercy! I am slow to anger and filled with unfailing love and faithfulness.I lavish unfailing love to a thousand generations. I forgive iniquity, rebellion, and sin.” - Exodus 34:6-7a NLT

Tossing and Turning

Julia kicked the covers off, rolled over, and stared at the clock again as frustration grew in her heart. Angrily she thought “Why can’t I sleep???” The orange glow of the digital clock blared 2:30 am back at her as she scuffed because she had tossed and turned for an hour. She knew exactly why she couldn’t sleep. 

She spent an hour thinking about her youngest daughter at college. Fear and worry tumbled through her mind. “What if she gets with the wrong kind of friends? She seems so lonely. What if she dates the wrong guy? What if she makes the wrong choice? Why doesn’t she love God anymore? Where did I go wrong? What if she’s attacked at a party? What if she’s drugged and raped? Goodness that escalated quickly!” she thought. 

Spiraling, she knew she needed to stop. Breathing deep, she whispered, “God, please help me. Give me faith to trust You. Give the ability to understand You are with me and You are my help. Remind me of Your faithfulness. How easily I forget.”

Have you struggled to lean into God’s faithfulness when it comes to your adult child? 

This is often difficult for moms because we’ve always managed their problems. We were the fixers, problem solvers, and rescuers. How do we let go and entrust our children and their problems to our faithful God?

What does it mean when we describe God as faithful?

What do we need to know about the faithfulness of God? 

According to the International Standard Bible Encyclopedia, “Faithfulness is one of the characteristics of God's ethical nature. It denotes the firmness or constancy of God in His relations with men, especially with His people. It is, accordingly, one aspect of God's truth and of His unchangeableness. God is true not only because He is really God in contrast to all that is not God, and because He realizes the idea of Godhead, but also because He is constant or faithful in keeping His promises, and therefore is worthy of trust” 

The Bible reverberates with the faithfulness of God. Each story and chapter is laced with examples of His dependability to His children. Even when God’s family disobeyed and rebelled, He was consistently trustworthy. 

Here is a moment where Moses met with God on the mountain. God spoke through a cloud.  The Lord passed in front of Moses, calling out, “Yahweh! The Lord! The God of compassion and mercy! I am slow to anger and filled with unfailing love and faithfulness.I lavish unfailing love to a thousand generations. I forgive iniquity, rebellion, and sin.” - Exodus 34:6-7a

God spoke directly to Moses and what a message it was. He said he was slow to anger, filled with unfailing love, and faithfulness. If God is telling us this Himself, can we not trust Him when He speaks? How can we doubt what He says about Himself? This is proof of His faithfulness, We can settle our hearts on this revelation and rest in peace. 

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How to Release Holiday Expectations

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How to Release Holiday Expectations

“Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:16


Holiday Tension

As the calendar flips to November, my thoughts turn to holiday plans and the air is ripe with tension as I wonder if and when I’ll be reunited with my grown kids.

Momma, do you feel the tension too?

I have precious memories and traditions and I can’t bear the thought of them not continuing. My heart is full of expectations on how the holidays will look, but I know that my refusal to budge causes irreparable harm to my family.

I long for the days when the kids were near. There was no doubt we’d be together around the table at every holiday dinner. My grown kids are all returning home to celebrate their dad’s birthday mid-November, so that means I won’t see them all for Thanksgiving. Instead of them all coming home, we’ll gather at our oldest son’s home in Minnesota, along with some of his siblings. I must adapt. I need to have a good attitude about it.

There are plenty of reasons why your holidays could look different. Your child might want to spend time with their significant other. Perhaps work doesn’t allow them to return home. Maybe they’re tired of the endless holiday shuffle from home to home with cranky grandkids. Could it be that they need to be with their in-laws this time around? What if they just want to have a simple Christmas at home?

Moms are required to lean in and find strength in God as we release expectations for the good of the whole. Instead of causing strife in our families, by demanding our grown kids celebrate the holidays a certain way, let us choose the way of least resistance, as we learn to let go.

  • Could we lean in and find strength from God as we realize the holidays will look different now that our offspring are grown?

  • Would could it look like if we laid down our demands and chose the way of peace?

  • What if moms laid their expectations at the feet of Jesus and processed the loss with Him?

  • How would a mom filled with gratitude communicate graciously with her adult children?

  • What if guilt was replaced with compassion?

  • What if pressure was exchanged for peace?

  • Could the art of compromise be practiced so everyone feels like their voice is heard?

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Best Blog Posts of 2020

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Best Blog Posts of 2020


For December I’m highlighting some of my favorite posts from 2020. I hope this encourages you.

How to Feel Secure When You’re Upset

As we look at what it means to be secure in Christ, we need to remember it’s not just physically, but emotionally. When the circumstances in our lives are filled with pressure and we feel trapped by pain, loss, despair, or anxiety, there’s a place we can go for sweet relief.

“He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because He delighted in me.”

Psalm 18:19

I’m Emotionally Spent

I’m feeling the weight of it all today. This diagnosis has robbed my husband, Bob, of the ability to speak clearly; his mobility is taxed and his energy drained. Bob’s anxiety shoots through the roof as he wakes up each day with different limitations. Chronic Progressive Multiple Sclerosis is a thief robbing him of his ability to work, provide, and engage in everyday life.

He retreats to his bed often, spent from emotional and physical exhaustion. Normally, he would push through exhaustion. He’s hard-headed, driven to accomplish tasks, and values hard work, however, his body defies his request to produce.

I’m left carrying the load with our three small children. The days feel long. I want to return to our old lives. This medical nightmare leaves me feeling alone and misunderstood. My days are filled with cooking, cleaning, parenting, and trying to navigate this ever-changing disease with my husband. There are new pressures and stress as we look forward to a disease with no cure. We face doctors who make educated guesses on how to treat the unending symptoms of memory loss, muscle spasms, tremors, and continuous nerve damage.

Each day I sneak away to a spacious place where God rescues me from worry, doubt, and fear. It’s not my reality, but by faith, I can confirm it’s existence. It’s a quiet place where Papa and I meet. I pour out my anguish, lost dreams, and endless trials. I unload my fears for the future, as the weight begins to lift. I rehearse the promises from scripture, and I hold on to hope, even when my reality is hopeless. I meditate on God’s goodness and character.

Being with Him, in this roomy space, helps me focus less on my troubles. Isn’t that the point of this walk with God, more of Him and less of me?

See, I imagine me and Papa in this perfect, expansive spot. This boundless area is void of sorrow and trouble. In my mind, it’s a meadow, full of flowers; the sun shines bright as God whispers His love. Other days I imagine a majestic mountain top, where God has brought me to sit with Him.

He stays with me and holds me. He tells me I’m seen. He speaks of His delight in me, which I can hardly believe because I’m just trying to hold it all together. He says, “Please don’t feel you must hold it all together, that’s my job. Your job is surrender.” I sigh and once again, release control, understanding, and will.

He assures me of His love and compassion in the messy middle of hardship. When I cry, “God, I can’t do this,” He lovingly asks me the same question. “Do you trust Me?” As warm tears roll down my cheeks, I whisper, “I do.”

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I'm Assured God Works For Good In Every Situation

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I'm Assured God Works For Good In Every Situation

In the midst of pandemics and social injustice, it seems ridiculous to mention, my tailbone, but here I am. For a few years in my early forties, I practiced Pilates. Pilates is a workout of stretching and toning. It’s low impact and seems good for this reluctant exerciser. A lot of the moves are performed sitting on your tailbone. As a result of these exercises, I develop a bone spur on my tailbone. I know, go ahead and laugh, because I think it’s absurd too.

It’s been ten years since the spur first developed. Removing it isn’t an option because it’s risky surgery, but, hey, it only hurts when I sit or lie. I’ve tried a few different coccyx cushions, but it’s embarrassing lugging those around, so I shift in my chair; surprisingly, soft chairs cause more pain than hard.

Adding insult to injury, I was rear-ended in 2014, on a sunny September day, which left me with chronic neck and mid-back pain. During months of doctoring, I also discovered I have rare thoracic scoliosis. My once healthy body seems to reject healing.

After years of therapy, massages, chiropractic care, and non-traditional treatments I gave up on pursuing healing via medical doctors. The physical pain of varying degrees is now a part of my daily life.

As a normally joyful, optimistic person, I don’t mention my pain often. I don’t see the point in wallowing in it or bringing it up. If I’m having a rough day, my hubby knows, and he’s faithful to pray for me.

I believe in the healing power of God. I’ve witnessed miracles of healing and restoration, personally. It’s a little bone spur, and the God of the universe could flick it off if He wanted, and yet, He does not.

There are seasons where I cry out to God for healing and others where I remain silent. If I’m honest, on my worse days, I feel disappointed and overlooked. It’s on my low days, Papa and I talk; I confess my frustrations and am met with bundles of compassion for God is familiar with pain. He is equally present with me in my joy and my pain. As we talk, He leads me back to the truth from His Word about His goodness.

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New Year: New Identity: Hidden In Christ

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New Year: New Identity: Hidden In Christ

‘For you died to this life and your real life is hidden with Christ in God.”-Colossians 3:3 NLT

Once we accept Christ as Savior, He holds our life. We become hidden in Christ with God, and we belong to Him always. It’s the sweetest promise of belonging as a daughter of God. 

I walk into my new school, twelve years old, my parents newly divorced. I’m a bundle of nerves and excitement.  My mom needed to leave my dad because he chooses the bottle of whiskey over us. It’s a relief to be out from under the tyranny of it all. As an underdeveloped 12-year-old with a pixie, I know I’m not going to win any popularity contest, for sure.  Navigating the new school is a challenge. I didn’t know living in a trailer court was a bad thing. I naively thought it was fun to have friends close by if you wanted someone to hang out with.

I quickly learned not to tell anyone about my address at the trailer court after the first reaction I received.  Disgust. It was written all over her face as I tell her where I live. This moment is where I first learn to pretend; put up the facade then no one will know how disgusting I am. It wouldn’t take long before I understood the term, “trailer trash.”  Be nice, be kind, but don’t tell anyone where you live. Shame has been my companion for a while already. I just want to belong.

This need to belong, to have a place, is a universal need. Sometimes we like to convince ourselves life would be easier alone. We resort to this thinking often when we’ve been hurt. Being alone leads us to self-reliance, the opposite of what Christ requires. He is delighted when we depend on Him alone. 

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Refining Series: The Power of Perseverance

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Refining Series: The Power of Perseverance

“Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything,”                                                                                                                                    -James 1:4

As we wrap up this series, I wanted to talk about one of the most important byproducts of refining: perseverance.  Perseverance does not come naturally, and it’s built into our character by the practice of not giving up. It’s a challenge to persevere because we long for a life of ease and comfort. It’s why we struggle with exercise, keeping our house clean, paying off debt, or working on broken relationships because they all require hard work and perseverance. We can learn to persevere through practice.

My husband and I had been in a health-related trial for many months. My husband was sick, and there was no cure in sight.  I was watching the news one evening and a report came on about pit bulls. The dog owner held up a braided rope with a large braided ball at the end.  The owner hovered it over the pit bulls head and it jumped up and latched onto the ball with its powerful jaws and did not let go. The pitbull hung mid-air latched on to the rope with all its might.  The Holy Spirit spoke to my heart at that moment and said, “I want you to be just like that pit bull. You hold on to Me and never let go.” It was a beautiful image of tenacity, and it would become the theme of my days.

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Refining Stories: A Body to Worship

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Refining Stories: A Body to Worship

As part of my Refining Series, I’m sharing Refining stories; stories of women who have wrestled with God, through difficult situations and let Him refine them. They felt the sting of disappointment and have run to God with their pain. In turn, God has revealed more of His character to them.

Today I share a story many are familiar with, the refining from an injury. As much as we wish we wouldn’t get injured or hurt, it happens because we live in a fallen world. But God offers us Himself in these seasons. I pray her words bring you comfort. I am honored to share Rebekah’s story with you.

Rebekah’s Story:

One day early in basketball season, during my junior year of college, a group of teammates talked about how awful an injury, especially a torn ligament, would be.

“That would be awful,” one said. “I don’t know how I’d keep going,” said another.

I don’t know how I’d respond, I thought to myself. I haven’t been injured longer than a day or two.

It wasn’t my experience yet, but it was coming, and I would have a lot to learn in the process.

Midway through that season, during our holiday tournament, I had played well in Game 1, and my performance early in Game 2 set me up well for all-tournament honors. Toward the end of the second game, however, I took one wrong step. No contact from another player, no accident. Just a step and my knee buckled.

I wanted to deny it, but my knee continued to swell, and all the telltale signs were there. I heard the results of my MRI the day after Christmas: I had torn my anterior cruciate ligament (ACL) in my left knee.

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