Refining Stories: Lessons From the Sting of Rejection

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Refining Stories: Lessons From the Sting of Rejection

As part of my Refining Series I will share Refining Stories. Stories of women who have wrestled with God and let difficult situations refine them. They’ve felt the sting on disappointment and have allowed God to refine them.

Today I’m excited to share Andrea’s story. It’s a story about the pain of rejection and haven’t we all felt it at one time or another? I pray her words bring your comfort. i am honored to share Andrea’s story with you.

Andrea’s Story:

My pulse raced with excitement as I walked into the sanctuary for the congregational meeting. Nerves were present, but it was mostly an alive sort of feeling. This vote could set me on the course of something I felt driven and called to do! This was forever going to change the trajectory of my life, my career and my faith! I just hadn’t imagined how much it would.

A couple months prior to that moment, I had found myself spending almost all of my free time serving as a worship leader and a youth leader for a little church in my town. Was I officially trained for any of that? Nope. Civil engineering was my full-time day job. Music was just a hobby, and teenagers were honestly kind of a mystery. However, music was what made my heart come alive and was what I could spend hours doing without fatigue. 

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Refining Series: God Implores Us to Relinquish Control

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Refining Series: God Implores Us to Relinquish Control

“... yet not my will, but yours be done.” -Luke 22:42

My husband, the pastor, stepped to the platform on a regular Sunday morning following the music part of worship when the Holy Spirit whispered to his heart, “Your work here is done.”  He was stunned for a second at the timing of the statement, but he gathered his composure and proceeded to preach the message and wrap up the Sunday service. He didn’t tell me about the impression of God for two weeks.

We spent the previous seven years revitalizing a rural church.  God moved the church through a building project, stewardship campaign, implemented a thriving Kids ministry, and brought the Sunday attendance from 40 to 180 under our leadership. Our children were doing well, we had just received a raise, and the church changed the bylaws so we could stay indefinitely.  Our course was set, and we were content.

And just like that, God said we were done.

My husband didn’t tell me right away because he wanted time to process and pray.  I was shocked when he told me. All my dreams of the future were crushed. We would move and need to start all over again.  My heart was weary of starting over, but when we answered the call to full-time ministry, we knew our lives were no longer our own.  We desired to be in God’s will more than anything, and so we began to pray and wait, each day exchanging our plans for His.

Part of the refining process for most of us will involve dying to our wants.  And isn’t it this why refining is so painful? We have a vision, a plan, and a course set out and then suddenly it all changes. Why is change so jarring, and why is surrender so difficult?  Why is it so hard to trust the good plans of God?

How do we set aside our agendas and wants? 

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Refining Stories: Lessons From A Frantic Newborn

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Refining Stories: Lessons From A Frantic Newborn

As part of my Refining Series, I will share Refining Stories: stories of women who have wrestled with God and have let difficult situations refine them. They’ve felt the sting of disappointment and have found God in the midst of pain.

Today meet Amanda , a mom who learned some valuable lessons from her newborn. I pray by reading her story, you’ll be able to recognize God at work in your life. I am honored to share Amanda’s story with you.

Amanda’s Story:

It was a black, warm night with no moon. The velvet darkness was being sliced to shreds by the wails of a two-month-old baby.

My baby.

I held him close as the volume and intensity of his cries increased. A sob wrenched my chest as I watched my child squirm and scream, his tears squeezing out from under tight eyelids.

This. This was a new kind of pain. A tiny baby, born of my own body, and part of my own soul, distressed and refusing to be consoled.

It was something that hurt worse than any pregnancy or labor pains ever had.

Even the best new motherhood experiences can lay the soul bare and break it into shards. 

Between the hours of lost sleep, the physical fatigue of continual feedings, and the emotional weight of the entire wellbeing of another human being resting solely on my shoulders, I was splitting at the seams. And no matter how much I tried to soothe and bless my baby, nothing seemed to make a difference.

He cried continuously, though all his needs were met. His voice rose and fell, then began climbing upward again in pitch. His eyes were closed, refusing to view my face.

I felt rejected. Helpless.

My tiny, tender one seemed to completely disregard the fact that he was being held in my arms—arms that would never let him fall. Arms that wanted to hold him and provide comfort.

His little fingers clenched, my baby flailed, limbs in the air, almost as if he were angrily shaking his fist in my face.

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Refining Series: Our View of God

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Refining Series: Our View of God

“Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?”-Job 2:10b

 The Refinement of Loss

We were married four years and our son was two when I took the next positive pregnancy test.  I was elated and raced to the clinic to have the blood test confirm the pregnancy, and it did. Baby #2 was on the way and I was especially thrilled because two of my closest friends had just announced their pregnancies.  It was a girlfriend's dream come true!

Just hours later I started to bleed.  I frantically called my doctor and he recommended bed rest for the weekend.  I sobbed and worried as my little toddler seemed confused by my sudden bed rest and my husband looked equally bewildered. We felt utterly helpless.

I willed myself to stay still, thinking perhaps if I didn’t move, the bleeding would stop.  I prayed, I begged, and I pleaded with God. I asked for a miracle but the bleeding never stopped. I returned to the clinic on Monday to check the levels in my blood and later in the afternoon, the Dr. confirmed my greatest fear.  Our baby was gone. As quickly as it came, it was gone. The experience left me crushed, broken and bewildered. I assumed God would rescue me, yet He didn’t.

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Refining Stories: Allison, A Special Needs Mom

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Refining Stories: Allison, A Special Needs Mom

As part of my Refining Series, I’ll be sharing Refining Stories; stories of people who have wrestled with anger and disappointment with God.  People changed, rebuilt and rescued by God. Allison, is a special needs mom. I pray by reading her story you’ll be strengthened to continue your own refining season, with the confidence of how God works all the hard things together for good. I’m honored to have Allison share her story.

Allison’s Story

Sitting at the kitchen table, scrolling through Pinterest, I heard my husband Ben answer his phone. We’d been waiting on this call for a couple of weeks and my heart constricted tighter and faster listening to his end of the conversation. Though he was mostly nodding and scribbling notes, not saying much, I could tell the results showed something.

Hanging up the phone, he turned to tell me the results: a rare (1 in 100,000 boys) genetic disorder. Three extra chromosomes. A spectrum of possibilities but physical and intellectual difficulties guaranteed. Apraxia. Hypotonia. Possible heart issues. Anxiety. Recurring pneumonia. Of course, our pediatrician advised us not to Google the syndrome, and of course, I didn’t listen.

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Refining Series: What If God Is Up To Something?

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“See I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.”-Isaiah 48:10

The Refining Process

Refining is a process in which impurities are removed from oil, metals, and not surprisingly, Followers of Christ. The refining process begins with something in a crude state being turned into something useful. The impurities are extracted with chemicals or heat, resulting in the purest form.

So why do we need to be refined? Could it be our character and habits need to be purified? Is it because God has a wonderful plan for what we will become and a refining season will help us get there?

What does the refining process look like for a child of God? Most often He uses trials and setbacks, sickness and loss, pain and heartache. He often uses the people closest to us, including our spouse’s and children. Perhaps He’ll use our boss, coworker or neighbor.

Now you’re excited! Stay with me.

Most of us are cruising along in life, loving Jesus, going to church, growing in our faith and then BAM, something bad happens. When the trial comes, we’re stunned! We ask all the questions because we’re disappointed. We question our loving God.

  • “God, why?”

  • “God, if you are good, why is this bad thing happening?”

  • “God this is too hard! I can’t do this and why do you think I can?”

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Attitude Adjustment Series: The Power of Your Words

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Attitude Adjustment Series: The Power of Your Words

”The tongue can bring death and life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” -Proverbs 18:21

There’s a story of two brothers. The older son was treated fair and could stand up the the emotional abuse of his father, but the younger brother was not so fortunate. He could do nothing right in his fathers eyes, and his father caused great damage with his harsh words. The father was critical of everything the younger son did, and the words left lasting wounds of insecurity, doubt, self-loathing. Because the father told him he could never do anything right, he believed it.

Have you ever been the recipient of cruel words? Most of us have. Perhaps a family member or an acquaintance in school, or the neighborhood bully. Their bitter words cut to the core and leave us wounded for years. And every time someone speaks harshly to us, we bleed all over again.

Have you ever considered the power of your words as you walk through a difficult season, and how they effect your attitude? When we’re under stress we often resort to blame, by being critical of others or God. Or we make declarations like, “I can’t do this, it’s too hard!” or “This will never get better!” or “This is impossible!” There is life or death in your words, and it takes diligence to control them.

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Attitude Adjustment Series: Complaining Doesn't Help

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Attitude Adjustment Series: Complaining Doesn't Help

“Do everything without grumbling or arguing so that you may be pure, children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” -Philippians 2:14-15

I used to be such a good sleeper. I’d hit the pillow exhausted from chasing my five kids around and wake up refreshed early the next day ready to tackle the world again. I required eight hours of sleep for optimal productivity. But the past few years insomnia has become my unwelcome nightly companion.

Lately, I’ve been waking up at 3 am, and I lay there wide awake, flipping and flopping with thoughts rolling through my brain. “How’s this going to work?” “When am I going to get that done?” “What if…?” It usually lasts until 4:30 am and the alarm goes off at 5 am or 6 am depending on my work shift. I wake up frustrated from my lack of sleep, and I know I have a choice to make. I can choose to thank God the night is over and perhaps I’ll sleep better tonight, or I can complain and whine all day about how tired I am.

I wish I could say, I always choose the way of praise and thanksgiving. I do not. I can get pulled into the vortex of negativity, just like anyone else. But it doesn’t take long for me to be disgusted with myself as Holy Spirit whispers, “There’s a better way to handle your frustration and weariness.”

Do you ever notice when you complain, it invites everyone around you to join in too? People gather in their break rooms, near the water cooler, or over cups of coffee and try to convince each other who’s situation is worse. It’s all quite dismal when you think about it.

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Attitude Adjustment Series: A Godly Perspective

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Attitude Adjustment Series: A Godly Perspective

Then the Lord answered Job from the whirlwind: Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorant words? Brace yourself like a man, because I have some questions for you, and you must answer them.” -Job 38:1-3

Our attitude is one thing we can control

We begin a new series for May about our attitudes. There is little we can do to control the circumstances or the people in our lives, and we aren’t supposed to control them anyways. The one thing we are in charge of is ourselves, our attitude, and our response to life. The surest way to survive a challenging season is to do it with an attitude that pleases God. This month we’ll be looking at the different ways to move past our bad attitudes and be able to recognize the goodness of God, even when life is hard.

I’m optimistic by nature and have the strength of positivity, but even I wrestle with an occasional bad attitude, whether it’s about work, family, or the difficult situation I’m facing. During one particularly challenging season, I remember being upset with how I perceived God was treating me. I didn’t find my situation fair or just. I was sucked into the “why me” realm of negativity and self-pity.

When believers go through difficult trials, they often compare their story to the life of Job in the Old Testament. Job was a devout man, who loved God, had impeccable integrity, a successful business, abundant wealth, a large family, and servants. He was well respected. Here’s some excerpts from Job’s story.

Satan is roaming the earth, and he asks God what is going on. God shows him Job and Satan says, ”Job has good reason to fear God. You have always put a wall of protection around him and his home and property. You have made him prosper in everything he does. Look how rich he is! But reach out and take away everything he has and he will surely curse you to your face.” - Job 1:9-11

So, God allows it, and Satan takes everything from Job: his property, his servants, and his children. Job tore his clothing in grief and shaved his head, yet he did not curse God.

The next test for Job was when Satan covered his body with boils from his head to the tips of his toes. Satan thought he would surely curse God if his health was taken. Job cried out to God in anguish, and his friends who initially come to comfort him, encourage him to curse God and die. His wife also takes this harsh stance.

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Trusting God Series: Seeing Beyond Your Circumstances

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Trusting God Series: Seeing Beyond Your Circumstances

“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”- 2 Corinthians 4:18

The Unseen Realm

One lesson we need to learn when it comes to trusting God is His work in the unseen realm. All He does and is, how He moves and shifts takes place in the unseen. We know Him and accept Him by faith, and He is always doing so much more than what we see. His unseen activity needs to be our focus.

The days leading up to speak at Women’s Conference in Arizona, I was depleted from the non-stop busyness of life at church and activities with our teenage daughters. I was crabby, exhausted, and my usual sunny disposition had up and left. My hubby even noticed. I landed late in Arizona and crawled into bed at my parent’s winter home. The next morning I got up early, found a cup of coffee and plopped myself in a comfy chair on the patio. The warmth enveloped me as I relaxed in the lounge chair. As I lifted my eyes, there were the Superstition Mountains, literally in my parents back yard. They stood strong, proud, and clothed in desert red.

The moment I settled back and looked at the mountain, the Spirit whispered these words from Psalms to my weary soul: “I will lift my eyes to the mountains-where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.” -Psalm 121:1-2

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Trusting God Series: Hope Required

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Trusting God Series: Hope Required

Remarkable Hope

I had the privilege recently of helping a fellow Hope*Writer launch her second book, Remarkable Hope. I thought of you as I read her compelling book. She takes common Biblical stories and retells them as fiction then provides beautiful insights about hope. You’ll will find yourself breathless as you read her Biblical accounts, then so filled with hope by the wisdom she shares about people who’ve been disappointed, disillusioned, and running out of hope. I’ve been there, how about you? Welcome Shauna Lettellier to Be Encouraged!

“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.” -Hebrews 6:19


Thomas Chisholm was not a formally educated man. But in 1941 he wrote in a letter, “My income has not been large at any time due to impaired health in the earlier years which has followed me on until now. Although I must not fail to record here the unfailing faithfulness of a covenant-keeping God and that He has given me many wonderful displays of His providing care, for which I am filled with astonishing gratefulness."*

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