A Series About Forgiveness: I Forgive You

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A Series About Forgiveness: I Forgive You

This is a series on the power of forgiveness. Go to last week’s post to read my family’s story. As we begin to walk in our true identity in Christ, we understand we are forgiven. Since we are forgiven, Christ also requires us to extend forgiveness to others.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32

A canopy of gold and red hangs above our heads as we meet at the park on this glorious October day. I sense God’s presence as I walk into a holy moment, one that changes the trajectory of my life. The sun shines brightly against the cornflower blue sky reminding me of the goodness of God. He is our light in the darkness, and I experience this truth profoundly in the weeks following the tragedy. This is the first time I will see Al’s face since the shooting.

Just two months earlier, I’m filled with rage towards my step-dad, Al. It’s been a slow boil for years as the devastation of alcohol abuse has wrung me out. The thought of him makes my stomach churn. The endless bottles of alcohol, his slurred speech, the ensuing arguments. The sad, emptiness in his eyes, as he’s in denial about his drinking. I find his behavior weak, repulsive, and I feel justified in my anger. I’m only nineteen but both my father and step-dad succumb to alcoholism, and I’m simply fed up. I should have compassion for his brokenness, but I only feel disgusted. I mean, come on, he shot my mom. Surely that warrants hatred? I am confident in my stance.

Until God interrupts my hatred!

The only explanation I have for my parent’s reconciliation is surrender and divine intervention. My step-dad surrenders in jail, while my mom has her own “come to Jesus” moment at home recovering from surgery. A local pastor’s wife reaches out to my mom, and they build a friendship. My mom is equally exhausted from a life of co-dependence being married to two alcoholics. Her first marriage ends because of my dad’s drinking. Her father is also a recovered alcoholic, which likely contributes to the familiarity of it all. She does not want this marriage to end in divorce.

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Let Delight Motivate You to Meet With God

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Let Delight Motivate You to Meet With God

“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”- Psalm 37:4

Have you ever thought about your motivation for meeting with God? Do you do it out of duty,  obligation, or is delight the reason to sit with Papa? The reason we chose to commune with God matters and when we operate out of delight, we will sense the Father’s love and in turn, feel closer to Him.

A Different Approach

This day I try something different during my morning devotions.  Instead of journaling my usual prayer requests and reading the Word, I chose to sit in God’s presence and sense His delight. It fills my heart with joy as I imagine my good Papa pleased with me. I revel in who He is and admire all the things I love about Him.  I praise Him for His goodness, faithfulness, love, peace, protection, provision, guidance, and wisdom.  

I meditate on all the beautiful qualities of His character and I rest in His love for me. In spite of my sin, bad habits, shortcomings, and failures, God delights in me and that truly makes me want to love and serve Him better. I’m amazed at the joy and peace that washes over my soul.  

This quiet morning, I don’t want anything from Him, except to be with Him. I sense His delight and my heart burst with anticipation.  I delight in Him and He delights in me. It’s the same feeling I have when I connect well with my husband or a close friend. It’s too wonderful to comprehend.

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Make Your Life A Prayer

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Make Your Life A Prayer

We’re continuing in our Building a Close Relationship with God Series talking about prayer. Is prayerlessness keeping you far from God? Perhaps you have a narrow view of prayer.  Let’s talk about how to have a continual conversation with God.

“Make your life a prayer.” 1 Thessalonians 5:17 TPT

My View of Prayer

I had some rigid ideas about what prayer should look like when I first met the Lord over thirty years ago. I was more concerned about myself than I was about connecting to God. I wanted to do it right and say the right words. I wanted to seem spiritual. I wrongly assumed somehow if the words weren’t right,  God wouldn’t hear me.

As a Christian, I knew the right thing to do. I was to happily rise early and have a quiet time with God, reading my Bible, and praying for people. It felt like an assignment or obligation. I needed to check it off my “Good Christian Girl” checklist so I would be approved by God. I was quite proud of myself for doing it right.

Imagine the shame I’d feel when I missed a few days. Regret. Surely God was disappointed with me, so how could I possibly read my Bible again?  It’s funny how the devil hooks us with our performance. When we believe the lie our relationship with God depends on what we do, it’s a very slippery slope.  The truth that rescues us is to remember we love Him because He first loved us. He was pursuing us long before we met Him. Doesn’t that minimize the performance pressure?

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The Joy of Vulnerability With God

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The Joy of Vulnerability With God

“Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being, and in the hidden part [of my heart] You will make me know wisdom.”- Psalm 51:6 AMP

We are continuing in our Building a Close Relationship with God Series with the topic of vulnerability.  Do you struggle to be vulnerable with God? Does shame have the opposite effect and cause you to hide from Him?  It could be a reason you don’t feel close to Him.

I Messed Up Again

I blew it again. I wanted to be a patient, loving mom. I could be calm and gentle but if things escalated my inclination was to be bossy and brash. I demanded obedience, and my kid’s disrespect was hard to handle.  I especially felt like a failure with my son Caleb. He was an active boy with a strong will who wanted to call the shots. I felt exasperated most of the time. One frustrating morning, Holy Spirit gently asked, “why are you so angry with Caleb?”  I was shocked at first. But Holy Spirit was right, I was frustrated and I’d respond in anger, which was just escalating every interaction with my wild boy. 

I was filled with shame and regret each time I responded harshly to him.  This mothering was the one thing I was called to do and I felt like I failed every day.  I wanted to hide from God. I was humiliated and embarrassed by my behavior. After all, my kids were just little humans who deserved grace, patience, and gentle training. 

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