4 Foolproof Ways To Supercharge Your Growth

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4 Foolproof Ways To Supercharge Your Growth

“Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance—” Proverbs 1:5

Do you feel the tension, momma?

I remember wondering, what do I do now? I felt lost and confused as my child left home. What am I supposed to do with my emerging adult? What does it look like to let go of a child you poured your life into? How do I trust them when they’re on their own? Will they make good choices? Will they be responsible? Will they get hurt? What if they walk away from God?

We are trapped between the need to maintain what we have always done, as a mom, with the knowledge our role will change once our child reaches adulthood. We understood what was required of us when the kids were young. Systems and routines ruled the day as we confidently mothered our brood. Expectations were clear and each family member understood their role.

Now, there’s a shift.

We feel unsteady, unsure of how to move forward. We are required to adapt–to grow and expansion feels uncomfortable. We face one of the greatest transitions in our parenting, when our child becomes an adult.

Where is God in this? How can we rely on Him as we foster independence in our child and do the heart work required to navigate this change? How will we remain steady through this transition?

President of inLight Consulting Inc, Rob Streeter says this about transitions:

“When we go through a difficult transition, we must force our minds to acknowledge that God is a careful and purposeful orchestrator. ‘And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose’ (Romans 8:28). As the sovereign and omniscient Orchestrator, He has worked it all into His plan. I honestly don’t know of a greater encouragement than that.”

God is in the midst of this change. He orchestrates it all and there is no sweeter peace.

Change is inevitable and transitions are a part of life. The big question is: Are you ready to grow, or are you resistant to change? Will you refuse to adapt and create added stress in your relationship with your adult child? Will you partner with God as He helps you through this rocky phase?

I understand you feel nervous and unsure, but when you accept a growth mindset, you will flourish in this season. There is growth for you and your adult child. When you submit to the work, you will come through with a deep dependence on God and a strengthened bond with your grown child.

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Love Is The Key To Healing

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 “Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers all wrongs.”- Proverbs 10:12


The Answer Is Love

Wendy and I gathered in a comfy booth. She preferred tea, as I reached for my hazelnut latte. Conversation flowed easily after years of friendship; the discussion always rolled around to our kids. We have prayed about our kids together. We have shared the ups and downs of teen years and watched our young adult kids find their life partners.

I understood her heart. Motherhood was her highest calling, and she did it with purpose and grace. After coming from a fractured family unit, she wanted a close family. Her and her husband worked hard to maintain the bond with their kids. We carried identical values for our families.

Her brown eyes welled with fresh tears as she recounted her heartache. Everything had changed. Her daughter came around less often. She moved to a new city and prefers her independence. She doesn’t return home when the other kids do; she seems angry or annoyed with her family.  Wendy wondered why.  “What have I done? I’m so concerned for her.  What should I do?”  

She wrestled with feelings of inadequacy, shame, loss of connection.  She never imagined her adult child would feel so distant. After years of praying for her kids, she wondered how she ended up in this spot?  “Where is God in it?” she pleaded.

I reached for her hand and willed hope to rise in her heart. “I know it hurts. I know you’re confused, but I believe there’s one thing we can give our kids. It’s love. We have to love them through it.”

Love is the key to healing. Love is the path to restoration.

As children of God, love must be our guiding action.  Instead of defensiveness, control, correction, or manipulation, could we, instead, lead with love?  See, love covers (Proverbs 10:12). It doesn’t point out the wrongs, or give disapproving glances. It covers, protects, shields, and restores.

The Holy Spirit is the one who brings correction and conviction, and even then, He moves because of His love. There is no harshness or condemnation. It’s not who God is. But momma, you are not your adult child’s Holy Spirit. You are called to love and leave the rest to God.


Keys To Love

Here are three key passages that teach us how to love:

  •  Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.” - 1 Peter 4:8 This is a powerful admonition for us to show deep affection for our adult children.  We don’t point out their flaws or missteps. We don’t shame or belittle because love covers! Love is a blanket over our expectations, so instead of judging our adult kids, we adore them. Love is a person and His name is Jesus. Let’s look at our adult kids the way Jesus looks on us, with eyes of warm mercy and compassion. Let’s let the Holy Spirit bring conviction. That is not our job.

  • “So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.  Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” - John 13:34-35 Papa has given us a command to love each other.  We don’t get to withhold our devotion. God is our model for tenderness; we look to Him for clues on how to love. We are free to appreciate others the way He has loved us. His fondness is unending, enduring forever, as it reaches to the heights and depths. We can’t escape His love. Let’s not allow our adult children to be confused or unsure of our dedication to them. 

  • “Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” - 1 Corinthians 13:7 Momma, you’re going to want to quit. You’ll become weary in waiting, but love never ends.  It perseveres through hardship, disappointment, and hopelessness. No matter what your adult child faces, we can be a source of love. We must continually return to God as He pours out His love upon us.  Pray that God would reveal His great love to your adult child.  I long for my children to be overwhelmed with His love for them.  In the waiting, we trust God is revealing His devotion to their hearts and minds.

Instead of rescuing or fixing, persuading or cajoling, could we lead with love, midlife momma? Could affection be the element that draws them to you and to the heart of God? 

Do they hear love in your tone when you talk to them? Do they see affection in your eyes?  Even when they are facing challenging circumstances or their life is falling apart, we minister love. Could your devotion bring the healing they so desperately need?

Let’s pray.

Dear Papa, help me stay so close to You as You Infuse my heart with love.  May devotion overflow from You to me, then unto my adult child.  Help me set aside criticism, judgment and harshness for tenderness, compassion and support.  May my love be a healing balm in my child’s life.  Pour out Your love upon them so they can experience Your goodness. 

I’ve created a free guide for you, “Five Ways To Support Your Adult Child.” Just leave your name and email so I know where to send it.

How To Trust God

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How To Trust God

“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?”-Psalm 56:3-4

Desperate Situations

I reached for my phone, as my Moriah’s name appeared on the screen. “I need to get out, mom,” she said resolutely. I sighed a prayer of relief. I rearranged my schedule and drove the four and half hours to help her pack. Thoughts rolled through my head, on the tedious drive, as I flung desperate prayers to heaven. God please, let him not be there. Please help us get her packed quickly. Please heal her broken heart. Fear and relief marched side by side in my mind.

We huddled in the closet of her loft apartment in downtown Des Moines. The concrete floors were cold beneath us, indicative of the mood, as Moriah riffled through her clothes.

Hot tears streamed down her face, as anguished cries escaped her mouth. “I’ve ruined everything. My life is one big disappointment!”

I sat beside her, heartbroken and afraid. What can I do? What should I say? These questions raced through my head as my daughter prepared to leave an unhealthy relationship. I waffled between resentment and hopefulness.

I felt satisfied with her determination to acknowledge and respond to the red flags in her relationship. But at that moment, I was certain my heart would break for her vulnerable state. “You are the bravest young woman, I know.” I choked.

I held her tight, willing her to receive some of my strength. God met us there, on the frigid floor. She may not have recognized it, in her pain, but He buoyed me, as my heart sank. I had never experienced this depth of powerlessness with my child. I doubted my skills to handle it well. I was desperate for Godly wisdom.

Oh, how I wanted to rescue and fix her all those months. We had conversations about his behavior and what it meant. Deep down, I resented him, but I simply said, “if you stay, it will be hard.” I could not tell her to leave because it was not my place. She had to realize the complexities of her situation and make her own decision. By the grace of God, she did, as courage welled within her.

Midlife momma, our children will face situations where we will want to fix and rescue. We will want to scream, “Don’t do that!” but in this phase with our kids, we must hold our tongues. This will be the season we cling to God. We will trust Him.

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The Heart Work Required to Release Expectations

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The Heart Work Required to Release Expectations

“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”-Psalm 51:10

The Voice of Shame

I don’t want to face it. I’d rather hide from it, but today I’m smacked with my shame. She cuts with her remarks.

You are a failure!

You couldn’t even pray well enough for your kids!

You really messed it up, mom!

What kind of Christian are you?

I sat in a puddle of tears again, wishing, hoping, praying my child wasn’t walking away from God. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be. This isn’t the vision I had for our family.

The Holy Spirit gently whispers in my thoughts, “This isn’t about your child. I hold your child. What I want to talk about today is your heart. Let’s look at why you feel shame. It’s more about you than them.”

Honestly, facing the condition of my heart wasn’t something I wanted to do.

Wouldn't it be easier to focus on how they had let me down?

God graciously revealed areas of pride, judgement, and criticism I had allowed to grow in my heart surrounding this child. He led me to understand my expectations were harming this child. While the enemy wanted to beat me down with shame, the Holy Spirit wanted to grow me. He lovingly revealed how my motives were the things hurting this child. This was the beginning of my letting go and I didn’t experience humiliation nearly as often.

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How To Feel Closer to God Again

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How To Feel Closer to God Again

“I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.” -Hebrews 13:5

We’ve all felt the longing for more of God, and when the distance between us has widened, it hurts. How is it God is both within us and all around, yet He feels so far off some days? If He never changes and promises His presence with us always then it must be about our proximity and awareness of Him.

About a decade ago, I sat amongst a group of church leaders, dutifully listening to the speaker. The day had gotten long, and I was eager to retreat for the evening. The speaker quoted a prominent national youth leader, and I never forgot the statement.

“If God seems far away, go back to where you left Him.”- Jeannie Mayo

I sat with the statement and mulled it over. It was the first time I truly understood that my connection with God was my responsibility. It wasn’t my church’s, my spouse, or a matter of circumstance. If God seemed far away, I was the one who moved, not Him. All I had to do was simply go back to where I left Him. Does this resonate with you, reader?

Somehow, in the church, we’ve gotten this wrong. We toss God aside as we elevate our service to Him. I’ve noticed most Christian women are content doing things for God instead of being with God. The busyness and service make us justify the distance because we’re doing _________ for God and surely He’s pleased with our service.

Sweet friends, God wants you. He loves you and cherishes being near you. He hopes for life-giving conversations about all the things that matter to you. His love is poured out in the context of relationship and connection. His character is revealed, and His purposes are laid out as you meet with Him. There are things God wants you to know about Him, your life, and your future.

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Vulnerability Leads Us to Deep Connection With God

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Vulnerability Leads Us to Deep Connection With God

“Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to Him for God is our refuge.” - Psalm 62:8

Honest Prayers

I’m in my usual early morning spot with God, curled up on my pretty orange bird chair. I’m tucked under a blanket with a cup of coffee, my Bible, and my journal. I carry deep sadness today. I had a challenging night with pain. I awake with another headache. It goes up the back of my head and lands on my forehead. It feels like hot coals on the inside. I must have slept weird again. Why or why can’t I train my body to land the right way when I’m sleeping, so I don’t wretch my neck? I try to massage the knots, but they never go away.

I want a good night’s sleep. I want the pain to end. Six years of pain feels unbearable, especially from a car accident that isn’t my fault. A distracted driver rear-ends me, and I’m stuck with endless ache. I still see the two young men laughing as I look in the rearview mirror after impact. Today, it feels like too much to bear.

I don’t talk to God about my pain lately. I have in the past, but His silence and inactivity keep me from bringing it up. It seems like my prayers for relief have bounced off the ceiling for years. But today, I’m weary. I don’t think I can do this anymore.

So, I bravely pour out my frustration with prolonged suffering. I release my anger and sense of abandonment. I voice my contempt as hot tears fall. “Why won’t you rescue me, God? I believe in Your power! I’ve seen You do miracles and yet You do nothing for my pain! I read through the New Testament of Jesus’ miracles and His compassion towards the sick. When is it my turn? When will You turn and be gracious to me? Why God? Why?”

It’s like a release valve is opened as I honestly talk to God about my disappointment.

I sit quietly and catch my breath. Piles of crumpled Kleenex rest on my Bible. Instead of feeling abandoned, I feel relieved. It feels good to get it off my chest. Sweet peace settles over me and I hear God speak.

I hear His gentle voice, “I’m so glad we’re talking about this. I like it when you tell me how you feel. You don’t have to hide a thing from Me. Pour it out. I’m here.”

I’m learning to receive God’s grace in my most vulnerable places. I don’t have to hide my emotional or physical discomfort from Him anymore. I’m taught to trust His ways.

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We Were Created For Loving Union With God

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We Were Created For Loving Union With God

“My sheep listen to My voice, and I know them and they follow Me; - John 10:27

God’s Reassuring Voice

I reach for my husband’s hand the second after a drunk driver runs the red light and slams into our car. Black smoke is rising from the airbags, and I’m terrified. I want to flee, but all I hear is the sound of impact ringing in my head, and I fear we could be hit again. It’s hardly rational thinking.

My chest hurts, and I’m in shock. We keep reassuring each other we’ll be okay and praising God we can move all our limbs. I can’t stop crying, and I’m shivering uncontrollably as the paramedics load us into separate ambulances.

The chest pain continues, but I can’t tell if it is from within or just a reaction to the accident. I’ve never had a panic attack. I am hooked up to a heart monitor, and my rhythm is normal. I hate being separated from my husband. I need to know that he’s okay.

After being examined by a doctor in the ER, scans are ordered and off I go rolling down the hall. The nurses and technicians are kind, but make fun of all the blankets piled on top of me

I’m transferred to the hard table of the Cat scan machine. I’m surrounded by white plastic and the humming of the machine as it moves my body back and forth. I notice the puffy cloud images tacted to the ceiling tiles like they’re going to somehow make me feel better.

After a few moments, I take a deep breath and feel sublimely calm. Peace descends like a warm blanket, and I hear Papa’s voice. “I’m right here. You’re going to be okay.” Warm tears fall as I’m reassured by God’s comforting voice.

Knowing God is near is a great comfort and a byproduct of union with Him. Loving God is not just about having faith in our Maker or serving Him because we must; our hearts are intertwined and we are tethered. He’s within me and He’s all around. I am held and I can’t escape His presence. My loving union with Him is everything.

We’re Created For Loving Union

We were created for loving union with God. Our union is much more than salvation, dutiful service, performing religious rituals, and attending weekly church services. We can do all these things and still not have union with God.

“Your very being is made to be saturated with the being of God.”- John Eldredge

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God's Heart Towards You Involves Restoration

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God's Heart Towards You Involves Restoration

“Restore us, O Lord Almighty, make your face shine o us that we may be saved.”-Psalm 80:7

One Heart Restored

It’s a crisp winter morning as we gather to worship on January 5, 1986. Christ’s love is illuminated, and the trajectory of my life is changed forever as I step forward in the church to surrender my heart to Jesus. Tears stream down my face as I’m enveloped in the love and acceptance of God. My joy can’t be contained as the peace I feel is palpable. I’ve been in an unhealthy relationship for a couple of years. My boyfriend is arrogant, self-centered, emotionally detached, and utterly lost. Why do I believe I’m not worthy of being treated better?

I end up in this relationship because I’m a girl who wants to be loved. I ignore the red flags in our relationship. I chase after love my whole life and never find it. I don’t date much in high school. I’m never chosen and walk around with a gaping ache. When I’m nineteen, I meet my boyfriend at a bar. My family never likes him.

Sunday evening I head back to my college town, and when I arrive, I call him to break up. It isn’t a big deal. There is no drama, simply a resolute assurance this is the right thing to do. I then throw up a simple prayer, “God I just want someone who loves you and could he be tall too?” Friends, you don’t know what it’s like to be 5’11”! I think God cares about the details.

Five months later, I start dating an old acquaintance, Bob. He treats me with respect and gentleness. He’s kind and funny. He loves God, and he’s tall. God certainly cares about the things we care about. God’s so personal. Bob has his own spiritual awakening at the same church a month after me. He’s everything I ever wanted in a relationship. We fall in love with God and each other at the same time. We’re blissfully in love. We are engaged six months later and will celebrate our 34th wedding anniversary in the fall. God brings the most beautiful restoration to my life.

As we learn to practice loving union with God it’s helpful to understand His hearts towards you involves restoration. God is our redeemer and restorer. Everything that has been broken, destroyed, lost, or bruised can be rebuilt by Him.

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How To Have An Intimate Connection With God

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How To Have An Intimate Connection With God

“As for me, the nearness of God is our good: I have made the Lord my refuge.” -Psalm 73:28


Observation

As a newlywed and young Christian, I am hungry for the things of God. I didn’t grow up in the church, nor do I have mentors or family members to guide me in my relationship with God. My greatest influencers are the people I attend church with. I quietly begin to observe people in our church. My motive isn’t to judge, it’s seemly to glean what it means to love God. I’m curious about how to be a young woman who serves God. There are a couple of women who stick out to me: Angie and Elizabeth.

Angie is a happily married mother of three. She works outside of the home and volunteers at church. The phrase she uses most often is, “I’m so busy!” She carries tension in her face and rarely smiles. Chatting with her in the foyer is typically rushed and filled with distress. She seems tired, bitter, and overwhelmed. It looks like she needs a break, but she rarely takes one as she busies herself in the body of Christ.

Then there is Elizabeth. She is close to retirement age but she acts like she’s thirty. She is petite and wears the latest fashion trends. Her kids are grown and she has grandkids, but she also calls me “kid” like I’m one of hers. It’s the sweetest term of endearment. It doesn’t matter if you’re four or fifty-five, she’s going to call you “kid!”

She smiles easily and has an irresistible twinkle in her eye as she speaks. It’s like she knows a secret. She is loved by everyone and oozes Biblical knowledge and grace. She shares her struggles and trials openly. Her life is accessible to all as she shares her pain to encourage others. She points me to Jesus every time I talk to her. I can’t wait to be in her presence.

She serves endlessly as the church but has a lightness about her. Joy, peace, and grace flow from her tongue. She never uses the phrase, “I’m so busy” as she slows to minister to young and old each Sunday. She pauses and prays for you in the hallway or offers an encouraging word. She talks to God with honesty and conviction. She believes God will answer her prayers. She’s the kind of woman I want to be.

For the first nine years of our marriage, Elizabeth became my dear friend and mentor. She hangs out with me at my house and we talk about marriage, parenting, and the goodness of God. I glean wisdom and insight on how to relate to God. I listen to her rattle off Bible verses with ease because she walks in truth. She gives me a love for the Word.

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Best Blog Posts of 2020

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Best Blog Posts of 2020

For the month of December, I’m sharing some of my bests posts of 2020! Be encouraged, Beloved Friends!

She Loves God But He Seems Distant

I’ve been thinking about this woman a lot. Maybe you know her?

She loves God. She’s walked with Him for many years, but she’s tired. She’s tired of the same old relationship. She keeps trying to work her way to Him by doing all the right things. She’s diligent but utterly frustrated. Deep down she feels empty but doesn’t know what to do.

She loves God, but He seems distant and she can’t figure out why. She’s gone through her mental checklist:

  • I’m serving Him by giving of my time, gifts, and finances. Check.

  • I attend church regularly. Check.

  • I throw up some prayers in the morning. Check

  • I try to get along with my husband. Check.

  • I’m raising these kids the best I know-how. Check.

  • I try to read the Bible. Check.

Yet, even after doing all these things for God, she’s not quite connecting with God. She reads her Bible, but there’s no wonder jumping off the pages. She can’t always relate to the stories or understand how they apply to her. She tries to listen for God’s voice, but mostly she hears the lies of condemnation and shame, or she hears nothing at all. This reinforces her lack, which causes her to move farther away from God.

She’s praying about things, deep things, hard things, and yet it feels like her prayers bounce off the ceiling. She’s begged, pleaded, even bargained with God, and still, He doesn’t answer her prayers the way she wants, so she assumes He’s mad at her.

She longs for something deeper and richer but is frustrated with how to get there. The formulas fall flat, the awe of God is gone. She feels alone, isolated, and disappointed in her relationship with God.

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How To Have A Pure Heart With God

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How To Have A Pure Heart With God

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a right spirit with me. Psalm 51:10

My Shattered Heart

I pull myself out of bed this early winter morning, groping for coffee, and slump into my favorite chair. I need this time with Papa while the house is still quiet. I tell Him all about the “mean people” in my life. I feel like a child tattle-telling to the teacher. I pour it out, all of it, as angry tears roll down my cheeks. It feels good to get it off my chest. I don’t pretend with God as He and I are open about everything.

I scan the Word for some truth that will penetrate my wounded heart. I’m too distracted by my pain. Nothing from the Bible is speaking to me so I slam it shut. I sit weepy and angry before God, secretly dreaming of how God will handle them. I feel a deep sense of injustice rising in my bones. Their behavior and judgments are laced with Pharisaical pride.

As I’m dreaming about how God will handle them, I hear the Spirit whisper, “this isn’t about them, this is about you.” I’m jostled back to my senses as Papa continues with these gentle words. “You are not responsible for their behavior, you’re only responsible for how you treat them.”

Well, Papa might as well punched me! But He is right. I’m responsible for the behavior and attitude that flows from my heart. God asks us to pray for those who hurt us. He even says to love our enemies. My heart sinks because I know it’s true.

In this tender moment, I ask God to create a pure heart in me. One that honors Him and does what He says, even when it’s hard and especially when I don’t want to. He reassures me that He will handle them as well, without my help. It’s shocking how God doesn’t need my help with others. The truth be known, I am only responsible for myself and my heart.

Our Heart Condition

In addition to humility, the next thing we need to look at is the state of our hearts. How does the condition of our hearts affect our connection with God and His ability to teach us? Only the pure in heart will see God. What does that mean for us when don’t always have the purest motives before God? What is the heart anyway?

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Vulnerability Brings Us Closer to God

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Vulnerability Brings Us Closer to God

“We come closer to God and approach him with an open heart, fully convinced that nothing will keep us at a distance from him.” -Hebrews 10:22 TPT

Honest Conversation With God

It’s late afternoon, in early spring, as I peer at the clouds outside my window. The grey day amplifies the dreariness in my heart; I cannot shake the sadness, as melancholy has is my unwelcome companion. My sunny disposition is buried in the loss of people, comfort, and health.

We are four weeks into the pandemic, and I have only left the house once a week for groceries and once a week on Sundays to go record the live stream message with my hubby, the pastor.

I crawl into my favorite chair in my office. I wrap myself in a cozy blanket, and I weep. The floodgates open as I unload my grief. I don’t even recognize it as grief, at first. I miss people. I miss connection and conversation. I’m worried about our grown kids. Will my elderly parents with fragile bodies survive this pandemic? I am also overwhelmed by the political upheaval in our nation. I pour out my sadness to Papa.

I don’t have to pretend with Papa. He already knows everything that’s going on inside. He doesn’t judge me or condemn me. I hear Him whisper, “Go ahead and cry, Honey. I’m right here. I know this is scary and unfamiliar. I know you miss all your people immensely, but I’m here, I’m with you. I’ll help you through this.”

I feel the warmth of God’s peace as real as my cozy blanket. I’m going to keep coming back to this place whenever I’m overwhelmed. Papa’s love calms me best. I’m glad I can be honest with Him. I’m thankful for His loving-kindness towards me in my pain.

God is Safe

There is nothing blocking us from being close to God because Jesus covers our shame. We are safe with God. He allows us to draw near with the full assurance of His love. The Father is happy to see us, but He’s not looking for the cleaned-up version of ourselves. He wants us to be “real.” He’s not looking for the Sunday morning, mask-wearing version. You know, the one that is polished, perfect, and says “I’m fine!” That version rarely draws near to God.

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Jesus Bore our Shame So We Can Be Close to God

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Jesus Bore our Shame So We Can Be Close to God

“Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”- Hebrews 12:2

As we move forward with learning to be vulnerable to God, we must talk about how shame affects our relationship with our Creator. Shame keeps us from connection with God.

My Companion, Shame

I arrive early to high school and hear a commotion in the gym. I quietly open a side door so as to not draw attention and peer inside. The gym is filled with excited students, all standing at different tables with the State signs lifted high. It’s Student Council elections and oh, how I wish I was amidst the crowd of students. I’m organized, competent, and friendly, all the qualities necessary for leadership, but no one knows that about me.

Shame won’t allow me to join. Shame has been my constant companion for many years ever taunting me, crushing my heart, and making me feel small and worthless. She’s like a heavy, itchy coat I need to take off, but she keeps me safe, ever hidden, never exposed. She also hinders my ability to connect or belong.

Shame speaks loudly and harshly, filling my mind with words of condemnation. “You’re not good enough.” “If only they knew.” Shame belittles and lies. But I’m not strong enough to recognize the lies, so I continue to wear the uncomfortable coat.

Shame shapes every interaction I have with people. It makes me afraid to try new things for fear of rejection. Oh, how I resent those who are fearless. See, shame tells me I must pretend as I plaster on the smile and the optimistic outlook. Can they see the sadness behind my eyes? Is my brokenness amplified in their brave confidence? If they knew what was hidden inside, they’d want nothing to do with me.

Shame tells me I’m flawed, there’s no good in me. I imagine these kids in the gym come from beautiful families, where a peaceful conversation is held around the dinner table. They don’t go to sleep listening to the alcoholic step-dad arguing with their mom. If they knew what my home was like, they’d reject me, so instead, I hide.

Meeting Jesus at age twenty-one changes everything. I’m told He bore my sin and shame Himself. He literally took it for me. Jesus bore my shame on the cross, so I can draw near to God. God sees me as beautiful, cherished, lovely because Jesus stands between me and God. Jesus covers the ugliness of my sin and shame. It’s the best news I ever heard.

Brene Brown says, “People who aren’t good with vulnerability are usually really good at shame.”

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It's Safe to Be Vulnerable With God

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It's Safe to Be Vulnerable With God

“Behold you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.”- Psalm 51:6

Vulnerability With God

As we grow in our intimate connection with God it’s important to learn to be vulnerable with God. Some believe vulnerability makes us weak or feel out of control. Others are afraid to be vulnerable with God because shame tells them they are not worthy. The truth is vulnerability is the gateway to connection.

When I was going through a particularly stressful season in our ministry life, I learned about the vulnerability of King David as described in the Psalms. David’s words are raw, honest, almost painful in their vulnerability. He pours out his heart to God like nothing I’ve ever seen. He would become the model I used for my relationship with God.

Let’s look at an example: Psalm 142:1-7

“I cry aloud to the Lord; I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy. I pour out my complaint before him; before him, I tell my trouble. When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who know my way. In the path where I walk men have hidden a snare for me. Look to my right and see; no one is concerned for me. I have no refuge. No one cares for my life.

I cry to you, Lord; I say, “You are my refuge, my portion, in the land of the living. Listen to my cry, for I am in desperate need; rescue me from those who pursue me, for they are too strong for me. Set me free from my prison, that I may praise your name. Then the righteous will gather about me because of your goodness to me.”

David is experiencing deep sorrow. He feels abandoned and in need. He feels emotionally exhausted and weak, but instead of hiding from God, he runs to God and pours it all out. There’s no hesitation, or mask. David feels seen, understood, and heard. He then goes on to declare the goodness of God. What a beautiful way to relate to God.

In her book, Daring Greatly, Brene Brown says this about vulnerability:

“Our rejection of vulnerability often stems from associating it with dark emotions like fear, shame, grief, sadness, and disappointment-emotions that we don’t want to discuss, even when they profoundly affect the way we live, love, and work. Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.”

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