“How blessed is the one whom You choose and bring near to You. To dwell in Your courts. We will be satisfied with the goodness of Your house, Your holy temple.” - Psalm 65:4

Perfection

Michelle handles the meeting with grace as a mid-level manager. She has her facts straight, she’s decisive and competent as she leads her team. She has high expectations of her coworkers and can be critical when they don’t measure up. A lot of times, she’d rather do things herself so their incompetence doesn’t tarnish the project.

She spends extra hours at the office to make sure every project runs smoothly. Her name is on the line. She’s the “cross the t’s and dot the I’s” kind of manager. No detail is missed. On the outside, she looks cool and collected, but inside she’s riddled with self-doubt and insecurities. “What if they mess this up for me?” she worries. There is no room for mistakes with her projects.

Contrast this to her home where she’s been in a renovation project for two years because she can’t decide what paint color to use on the walls.. She’s paralyzed with fear that she’ll choose the wrong color. She seeks out everyone’s advice and opinion then remains in a state of indecision. Her fear of failure is so great, she’d rather not make the wrong choice, so the project is stalled. She withdraws and avoids so she doesn’t feel the pain of not doing something perfect. Her self-loathing can result in depressive episodes.

This constant pressure to perform at optimum capacity drains her emotionally and physically. She pushes hard at work, but then stays in bed for hours on the weekends because of emotional exhaustion. She often feels behind and never enough.

“But to each of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it.” - Ephesians 4:7

Pushed to Perfection

Angela stays up late working on her presentation. As the hours click by and sleep calls, she pushes the urge to rest aside. One more cup of coffee will get her through the night. “Sleep is for wimps, and this project is going to be perfect,” she thinks. She’s spent hours in research and pouring over the graphics to get them just right. She agonizes over her color selection for the powerpoint presentation. “Is it pretty enough? Will it wow her boss, so she finally notices her talent?” she wonders.

It’s not just this presentation that has to be perfect, everything in Angela’s life. She attacks her home, her dresser drawers, the way she folds her towels, her hair, wardrobe, the way she posts on Instagram with utmost precision and thoughtfulness, being sure everything is pristine. Her internal dialogue pushes her to try harder, be the best, and never rest.

Inside, she fights a battle of self-loathing and fear of rejection. She feels she’s not enough, so she pushes hard to control external things in her life. She seeks to fill this longing inside and believes if she does everything perfectly, then she’ll be at peace. But the truth is the peace is fleeting. Instead of stepping back and admiring the work, she’ll notice the one little thing she does wrong. If it’s not perfect, she feels like a failure.

Where is God in all of this?

Instead of drawing near, she pushes Him away, wrongfully assuming He isn’t pleased with her. She can never enter into rest with Him because she thinks He cares about how she performs. This is a false assumption about God.

So He is far off and she’s caught in a perpetual cycle of exhaustion and self-contempt.

Can you relate?

For many people, perfectionism is a trap that keeps them from rest. They are driven to perform at optimum capacity in everything they do, and it leads to endless weariness. According to Robert McGee, in The Search for Significance, the perfectionist believes a false narrative that goes like this: “I must meet certain standards to feel good about myself.”

On the outside most perfectionists appear competent, but their motivation is insecurity. They have a set of self-imposed rules that they must follow to feel good about themselves. They like to be in control of all situations, so this pushes them to work hard. They rarely enter rest.

The Lord never intended for us to be perfect. He desires us to be holy, or “set apart” and used for His purposes. Only He is holy. Only He is perfect and the constant striving for perfection ultimately leads us to emptiness, because in our minds eye, we never achieve it. It’s an empty chasing after that never fulfills.

“Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.” -Matthew 6:33 MSG

Distraction

Melissa rolls out of bed late. She looks at the yoga mat and knows it would be good for her to awaken her body and settle her mind, so she throws on some workout wear and gets to it. After her workout, she enters the kitchen to make her morning coffee. The dishes are overflowing in the sink. There’s another thing she didn’t have time to get done. She can’t find Adam’s backpack for school. Her mind races with her long to-do list. How is she ever going to get the promotion if she doesn’t work harder?

She turns on the morning news while she eats a piece of toast and is overwhelmed by the current state of affairs: political unrest, racial tension, pandemic overwhelm. These topics weigh heavy on her heart. The cares of the world make her feel anxious. Her husband has already left for work, so she’s left to get the kids ready for school. Life feels full of endless responsibilities, demands, and obligations.

She heads down the hall to wake the kids and passes the laundry room. Piles of laundry sit neglected, and she wonders when she’ll have time to get to that. She tosses a load in and hopes she won’t forget it again. How many times do you need to rewash clean clothes that smell moldy in the washing machine?

As she races back to her room to make the bed, she sees her Bible and journal on her nightstand. She looks longingly at it, secretly wishing there were more minutes in her day so she could spend some time with God. “Maybe tomorrow,” she whispers. She throws up a little prayer to God, apologizing for her absence, hoping He won’t be disappointed in her. “I promise I’ll make time tomorrow,” she thinks, and off she goes into her day.