How to Support Your Struggling Adult Child

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How to Support Your Struggling Adult Child

“The name of the Lord is a fortified tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.”- Proverbs 18:10

Amy’s Struggle

Julie felt the weight of her grown daughter’s struggles. Tension pressed across her forehead as she rehashed yesterday's conversation with Amy.  Amy had landed a job shortly after college, but then sunk into a depression after her long term boyfriend called it quits. Heartbroken and sad, Amy checked out. She no longer cared for herself, and called in “sick” to work, often. 

As a way to support her daughter, Julie agreed to a nightly check in phone call. At first Julie felt relieved to hear from her daughter, but as time progressed, so did Amy’s complaining. Amy was spiraling into bitterness and hopelessness. 

Julie woke one morning after another fitful night of sleep and prayed, “God, I cannot do this anymore. Amy is exhausting me. Please give me wisdom to support Amy without taking on her emotional load. Give me courage to set some boundaries with Amy because I’m losing myself in the pain. Amen.”  

How About You?

Have you ever faced sleepless nights and days of worried thoughts because your grown child isn’t thriving?

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Saying "No" and Why It's Liberating in Midlife

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Saying "No" and Why It's Liberating in Midlife

I Couldn’t Say “No” to Hair Dye

I tilted my head forward to get a better view of my hair’s part-line.The new salt and pepper growth was a stark contrast to the chestnut brown dyed hair. “Ugh, I can’t do this!” I murmured. Who was I kidding? I’d been chasing that demarcation line for 15 years, shackled to that box of hair dye. Today, I said, “No more!”  I scheduled an appointment with my hairstylist. 

I’d been dreaming about having mid-length silver hair since I was 35 years old. I couldn’t wait to embrace my salt and pepper phase. I was going to be one of those amazing silver foxes. I even saved a photo on my phone for a decade. Unfortunately, I wasn’t brave enough to do it. 

The years went by and I didn’t have the courage to abandon the dye. I still had kids in school; I needed to wait. “It’s too soon,” I thought, until one day, it wasn’t!  At age 51, I was ready! Those first three months, I fixated over my new hair growth. I felt judged by other women with their shaming glances, as they noticed my broadening demarcation line.

At six months in, some people noticed and said, “Oh, you’re letting your natural color come in. It’s beautiful.” Each month, my confidence grew. Turns out the whole world wasn’t as fixated on my changing hair as I was. I grew out my gray for another six months, then chopped it off to a chin length bob and my journey was complete. Easy, peasy.

Isn’t it sad I didn’t say “no” to hair coloring sooner? I wasted all those years feeling pressured to look young.

Why We Can’t Say “No”

How about you? Have you ever wished you could say “no” to something but you didn’t have the guts to do it?

Most women have a hard time saying “no.” We’re conditioned by our people-pleasing tendencies. We don’t want to impose on anyone, all the while we become a little more resentful because we end up doing things we really don’t want to do. 

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Christian Moms Guide: Four Strategies for Midlife Purpose

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Christian Moms Guide: Four Strategies for Midlife Purpose

“Your own ears will hear him. Right behind you a voice will say, ‘This is the way you should go, whether to the right or to the left.’”- Isaiah 30:21

A God Nudge

Hunched in my comfy chair, scrolling through Facebook, I came across a quiz, “Would You Be a Good Life Coach?” Curiosity and anticipation welled in my chest. “Oh, I’ve been thinking about life coaching for a while. I think I’d really like it and it sounds like a great way to help women.” I thought.

Child number five entered college. My nest was empty. I had a future ahead where I wouldn’t be focused on mothering. After 30 years of active parenting, “What could I do? What was I good at?” I wondered. I wanted to contribute financially to our family and build my own business. 

Was I scared? Absolutely! But I needed to follow this God nudge.

I buzzed through the quiz and when I got the results, I checked every box. I didn’t have just a couple qualities, that made me an excellent coach. I had them all:  

  • You’re a good listener

  • You’re intuitive

  • You like to encourage

  • You’re a planner

  • You’re good at motivating people

  • You like to help people reach their goals  

  • You are patient 

  • You are passionate about self-development 

I was made for this!  

Quietly, I heard God whisper, “This is what I have for you now. Go ahead. You’d make a great life coach.” Excitement mingled with trepidation, but I took the plunge.  In the fall of 2019 I signed up with a reputable coach, for a 12 week training with Life Breakthrough Academy. It was exhilarating and overwhelming. The small cohort became a place of learning and growth. 

Four years later, coaching empty nest moms is as fulfilling as I imagined.

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Top Ten Things Moms Should Know Before Launching Their Kids

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Top Ten Things Moms Should Know Before Launching Their Kids

Are you ready for it?

Hey there, momma!

So, picture this: your kiddo is on the verge of spreading their wings and taking on the big, wide world. Exciting, right? But, let's be real, it's also a bit nerve-wracking. As Christian moms, we know there's more to this launch than just packing bags and giving pep talks. It's about trusting God and preparing yourself for the biggest shift in your motherhood.  So, before we send our little ones off into the unknown, let's chat about the top ten things moms need to know before launching their kids.

1. Allow your child to be autonomous: 

No grown child wants you to be a hovering, helicopter mom. That’s just annoying! It’s normal when your child wants his independence and control over his own decision. This is the goal of parenting. They want to become their own person and you need to let them become just that. You gotta get out of the way. Even if it means them moving away or heading in a direction you wouldn’t select. You must let them fly.

The Big Question: What are you doing to encourage your child to make choices for his life?

2. Don’t make this season about you:

This transition is not about you; it’s about your emerging adult and what is best for him. There will be time for you to process transitional grief, but don’t do that with your child. That will hurt him. Instead, Brenda Yoder, author of Fledge said, “Be the kind of mom you needed when you young. This will ensure your child feels loved and supported. This is important! It’s what they need most! You’ll have time to handle your emotions alone, with God.

The Big Question: What can you do to remember this is about your child not you?

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Embracing the Bittersweet with High School Seniors

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Embracing the Bittersweet with High School Seniors

 “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” - Philippians 4:6-7

Bittersweet Moments

I watched Rebekah gracefully cross the stage to accept her certificate, confident and composed, as my mind flashed to her four-year-old-self. I saw her in her purple sequined tutu and her first pair of tap shoes, blissfully on stage at her first dance recital.  Her wavy hair was piled on top of her head in a messy bun, with a purple feather hat tipped to the side. She grinned from ear to ear as the music faded up. Her brown eyes sparkled as she danced. 

I remembered the challenging middle school years where girls hurled insults and hurt her tender heart. “Mean Girls” wasn’t just a movie, it was a shocking reality for my young teen. She navigated rejection and learned important lessons about friendship.  

High school brought endless leadership opportunities and growth. And here we were at the end, as our calendar was filled with events.The final Choir Concert, Spring Musical, National Honor Society Banquet, Prom, Student Council Banquet, Speech Banquet. She happily walked through each event while I thought my heart would break in two. 

How would I survive bittersweet moments, tumbling together, one after another? Is this what letting go feels like?

Emotional Swings

Maybe you’ve felt these emotional swoops as high school graduation season is upon us.

Moms will experience immense contradictory emotions as they navigate the end of their children's high school. Know this is normal. This is part of the transition. This is where we feel unsettled and at peace. How is this even possible? You’re not losing your mind; you're just moving through a big moment in your motherhood.

We live in the tension of “big feelings" and confidence in God. We’ll experience abundant joy and deep sorrow. We are stuck longing for the past, but hopeful for the future. We’ll experience regret for our mistakes and pride for the ways we parented well. We will wrestle with doubt and cling to God

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Mastering Grace: Nurturing Relationships with Adult Children

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Mastering Grace: Nurturing Relationships with Adult Children

 “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness” - 2 Corinthians 12:8

Mastering Grace

What mother doesn’t want a healthy thriving relationship with her grown children? It’s what we dream of, right? We want connection, to be noticed, valued, and loved. Our adult children want that, too. 

Mastering grace takes practice, prayer, self-awareness, and reliance on God. It means we approach our adult children differently than when they were young and under our roof. We will falter and fail. We’ll say too much, or ask too many questions. We’ll want to rush in and fix or rescue instead of allowing our children to problem solve for themselves. We’ll forget they are separate from us and stand before God on their own now. They are free to make their own choices and that might scare us the most. 

Grace is what we need.

Grace Through Weakness

One of the most popular verses about grace is found in 2 Corinthians 12:8 “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” The context of the passage is how Paul had a thorn in his flesh that he asked God to remove. Scholars differ on what the thorn was, either sickness or a group of people trying to stop him from spreading the gospel. 

Paul prayed for God to remove this thorn and God did not. It’s then we see God answers that His grace is all you need. His power works best in weakness. God is saying Paul’s human weakness was an opportunity for the power of Christ to work through him by God’s grace. 

How does this impact a mom with adult children?

It means that when we feel ill prepared, or struggle on how to adapt in our role as a mother with adult kids, Christ empowers us do it well. If and when we feel frustrated or overwhelmed, we realize in our weakness, God’s grace comes through to help us nurture a healthy relationship with our children. Instead of berating ourselves for our weakness, we praise God for His help.

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Why Moms Must Thrive Through God's Grace Now

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Why Moms Must Thrive Through God's Grace Now

What is Grace?

As moms, we are in desperate need of God’s grace.

We are called to receive God’s grace, but what does that mean?

Grace is a term we throw around a lot in church culture, and it’s a consistent theme through the old and new testament. Most define grace as an “undeserved favor,” but my hubby, the pastor, often teaches how grace is the empowerment to make good choices. It’s God’s influence over our lives. When we partner this beautiful idea of undeserved favor with empowerment, we see the fullness of God's grace.

Grace flows from His character, then spills over into us as our Maker enables us to love our adult children well. 

Favor + Empowerment

Let’s look at some verses to explain:

“[We] are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.” - Romans 3:24 Paul is writing to the church in Rome to explain that our salvation in Christ is a free gift. God is that good! We cannot do anything to earn it; we receive it with thanksgiving. Paul is saying God’s undeserved favor and love come to us because of the redemptive work of the cross.

What does this mean for a mom of adult kids? It means that we have God’s favor and generosity at our disposal. We don’t have to be so hard on ourselves as we adjust to parenting adult children. We accept the benevolence of God as we learn how to relate to our children in a new way.

Let’s look at this verse:

“God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.” - 2 Corinthians 9:8 Again, Paul is writing to another church, this time, in Corinth. Here Paul is saying grace is an empowerment to live the right way. This is God's power working through us to live the way Christ has called us to. 

For the mom with grownup kids, it means we have access to the power of God to do the hard things in our relationship with our kids. This includes letting go, listening well, and not rushing in to fix or rescue. This means when our kids want to move states away, we don’t view it as rejection. Instead, we accept their choice and bless them. Perhaps our child rejects God. Instead of losing faith, we learn to trust God as He works on our child’s heart. Instead of judging our child, we trust God to perfect our child’s faith in Him.

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Dealing with Parental Estrangement: a Guide for Moms

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Dealing with Parental Estrangement: a Guide for Moms

“Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.”- Romans 12:18

Two Broken Hearts

Parental estrangement is on the rise and it devastates families. Communication breaks down and it’s easier for the child to slip away. Mom is left heartbroken with no understanding of why the child has cut her out. Two people who once loved each other are now separated. It doesn’t have to be this way.

There are steps a mom can take to improve her relationship with her estranged child and care for herself at the same time. This will require humility, compassion, empathy, and reliance on God. Please note, if the child is toxic or abusive, mom needs strong boundaries.

Both mom and her child are hurting deeply or the estrangement wouldn’t have happened. It would be easy for mom to nurse her wounds, but reconciliation requires her to step into her child’s world and understand her offspring’s perspective. Simultaneously, mom must be diligent to care for herself. There needs to be a delicate balance of compassion for her child and herself. 


God’s Perspective on Estrangement

What is God’s perspective on estrangement? I imagine it breaks His heart. God created us for a relationship with Him, first, then it trickles to our family and friends. Unfortunately, God understands our tendency towards selfishness, disagreement, and willfulness. 

In conflict, we want there to be a right and a wrong party, but both mother and adult child suffer when a relationship is severed. Paul writes to the church in Roman with the understanding that relationships are difficult. He admonishes the Believers in Romans 12:18, “Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.”

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Decoding Parental Estrangement: Understanding the Root Causes

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Decoding Parental Estrangement: Understanding the Root Causes

I’m Done with You!

Jessica struggled with her daughter Lisa for years. Tensions ran high daily. There were endless misunderstandings and miscommunications. They clashed on everything from clothing styles, grades, and her friends. Lisa felt she never pleased her mom. She felt picked on and had a deep sense of resentment.

Jessica pushed hard with extreme discipline, and Lisa pulled farther away. There was no pleasing her mother. When high school rolled around, Lisa just stayed away more. This infuriated her mom. 

College came and Lisa was thrilled to live hours away from her mother’s control. She loved the freedom and didn’t miss the hassle. She felt liberated. Every time her mom called or texted, she ignored her phone. Lisa relished the freedom and the opportunity to believe what she wanted without her mother’s influence over her anymore. 

One day she texted her mom, “Please don’t reach out to me anymore. I’m done with you. Respect my wishes.” Jessica was understandably devastated. The following weeks Jessica felt hopeless, heart sick, and exhausted. “How could this have happened to me?” She wondered. 


What is Parental Estrangement?

Parental estrangement is one of the most devastating issues for moms to face in recent years. Thousands of families are left heartbroken and bewildered. Today I’ll attempt to give a broad overview of a complex topic. 

First off, let’s define parental estrangement.  According to Wikipedia, “It is the loss of a previously existing relationship between family members through physical and/or emotional distancing often to the extent that there is negligible or no communication between the individuals for a prolonged period.”

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Revitalize Your Empty Nest Marriage: Remove Contempt to Embrace Respect

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Revitalize Your Empty Nest Marriage: Remove Contempt to Embrace Respect

“Show proper respect to everyone.” - 1 Peter 2:17


Discontent Rumbles

This low-level discontent rumbled in my heart for months. I was 26 years into our marriage, and I felt dissatisfied. Our nest started to empty but our busy ministry schedule, children’s activities, and obligations kept us running hard. 

Maybe I was tired. Maybe I was frustrated with the ministry, nevertheless, I took it out on my husband. 

He couldn’t do anything right, in my estimation. I’d mumbled under my breath and had critical, negative thoughts towards him. Oh, I didn’t act like anything was wrong. No sir! I kept up the charade! 

Even coworkers at the church office noticed how we snipped at each other. Pastor Adam, our worship leader, called us on it one day. “You guys sure bicker a lot!” he said. “We do?” I thought, slightly irritated and convicted by his comment. 

Here’s the deal, my husband knew nothing about my simmering contempt because I didn’t tell him. The problem wasn’t his behavior'; it was the condition of my heart. I allowed myself to be embittered and filled with contempt for his slightest missteps. I magnified his mistakes while I was puffed up with pride for what a great wife I was. 

Goodness! What a recipe for disaster. I’m grateful the Lord met with me through prayer as He dealt with my pride.  After reading Gary Thomas’, Sacred Marriage, I knew I needed to handle my heart (a.k.a. my sin). 

As Gary Thomas recommended, I made a list of all my husband's admirable qualities: personality traits, physical attributes, and character qualities. It wasn’t hard to come up with a beautiful, long list. My heart swelled as I continued to add to the list. Then I made another list: all the ways I fell short. I listed my sins and they were many. 

I was disgusted with myself, but I did not feel condemned. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I realized my shortcomings. God ministered to me, those weeks, as I prayed over these lists. My admiration for my husband grew and my understanding of all the ways I fell short had a lasting impact. I dealt with my pride before God and He was most tender with me. The contempt and discontent faded away. 

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Boosting Empty Nest Marriage: Expert Tips for Lasting Connection

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Boosting Empty Nest Marriage: Expert Tips for Lasting Connection

“How wonderful and pleasant it is when brothers live together in harmony!”-Psalm 133:1 NLT 

Slow Friday Mornings

My hubby gathers the oatmeal, wheat flour, and buttermilk as he prepares our favorite Buttermilk Oatmeal Pancakes topped with blueberries. It’s our Friday morning routine as he moves with precision in the kitchen. He’s tidy and meticulous with each step. He cleans each dirty dish, and wipes the counter as he goes. It’s the complete opposite of how I cook. I prefer messy, unmeasured, and free! We balance each other out well.

I lounge on the sofa as he brings me another cup of Caribou coffee. I grin and smile as he bends down for a kiss. “You’re my favorite,” he whispers. The tension eases from my shoulders as I relax into our quiet Friday morning routine. 

He doesn’t have to make me breakfast, but he wants to. About ten years ago he felt impressed by the Holy Spirit to serve me and this is one way he does it best. I spent the first 25 years of our marriage serving him and our five kids and I feel completely loved when he dotes on me like this.

It’s not fancy or fussy. The simple act of serving fills me. It’s the intentionality behind it that gets me. He thinks of me and as he moves beyond himself. I want to do the same for him.

Cultivate Connection

We cherish this empty nest season. As we shift our focus from our children, we discover new ways to connect. Slow Friday mornings, daily walks, and praying together have increased our intimacy in this transition. It doesn’t seem so scary when we’ve planned ways to be together to connect through having fun, or simple activities. 

 We don’t have to fear our empty nest when we are learning to cultivate a connection with our spouse. The bravest step we can take is to start doing life together. Instead of focusing on all the tasks we have separately, it’s beneficial to create space for each other and shared interests.  

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Embracing Now: Nurturing Peace for Worrier Moms

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Embracing Now: Nurturing Peace for Worrier Moms

Runaway Thoughts

As I loaded the dishwasher, worry clung to me like a staticky silk skirt. Soon Rebekah would drive seven hours from Evangel University, in Springfield, Missouri, to our home in Iowa. “Was it even a good idea for a single young woman to travel across the country alone?”, I wondered. My imagination ran wild as I envisioned car trouble, or worse, an attack at a gas station, or a horrific car accident. I’d be so far away, it would take forever for me to get to her. 

Anxiety mounted in my chest. Every scenario I played out in my mind had a deadly ending. I shook my head back to the present, astonished how far I had let my imagination wander. Shame enveloped me. It was ridiculous and so unbecoming of the woman of God I was. Why did I have such a small view of God in those moments? Why had I let worry run free in my mind?  

Worry and Fear

We get lost in worry for the future, don’t we momma? Peace is swept away as anxiety grows in our hearts and minds. What’s a momma to do?

There are two things that keep us from the present with our adult children: worry and fear. Oh, how easy it is for moms to jump ahead and fear the unknown future. These negative forces take root in our thoughts as we predict events that haven’t even happened. We’re consumed with “what ifs.” We are robbed of our peace and joy. 

Julie LeFebure, author of, Right Now Matters, said, “The future becomes a distraction when we allow fear and worry to fill it.” Do we realize our worry is a distraction? The enemy designed it so it would make us take our eyes off God. We get focused in unseen places and we completely miss God.  

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From Nostalgic to Now: Empowering Moms to Embrace the Present

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From Nostalgic to Now: Empowering Moms to Embrace the Present

“Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?” - Isaiah 43:18-19

Shuffling Down Memory Lane

Angela sat crossed-legged on the wood floor surrounded by tattered photo albums of her kids. How many times had she returned to them to reminisce? “Who even uses photo albums anymore?” she wondered.

Memories flooded her mind as she recalled tender, silly moments with her growing children. It was so much easier then. She knew exactly what to do. Even when she questioned her mothering skills, she knew how to find answers. Her local MOPS group was filled with friends and squirrely kids. Moms traded parenting tips like their kids exchanged Pokemon cards. They prayed together and clung to each other. There was so much support. They scoured Parenting magazine and listened to Dr. Dobson's, Focus on the Family. The answers to parenting questions were plentiful back then.

There was a rhythm to life that revolved around feeding, bathing, playing, and bedtime routines with her children. Every season she’d sort through their clothing and assess what new items they needed. Hand Me Downs and garage sale finds were traded between kids. 

Her biggest problems were endless laundry, bickering kids, defiant toddlers, and the need to cook another meal for her hungry crew. Oh, how she wished she could go back in time where she felt assured of her role in this world. Her children adored her, even if they did have moments of tension, she knew how to make it better.


Right Now

Now that her children are grown, life feels more complicated. The stakes are higher. There are bigger obstacles, and she’s supposed to “let go.” How can she honor the past, but not get stuck there?  


Pitfalls of Living in the Past

It’s normal for moms with adult children to get stuck in the past. Nostalgia overwhelms us and we don’t always accept the grownup child in front of us. Truth be told, we’d rather go back to simpler days. Nostalgia has its place. It’s okay to reminisce, as long as we don’t get stuck in some idealized version of the past.   

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Tips for a Stress-Free Holiday with Adult Children

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Tips for a Stress-Free Holiday with Adult Children

Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all! - Romans 12:16 NLT

Kids Return to the Nest

”They’re here!” hubby said, as we ran out on the porch, undeterred by the blustery December winds. Bekah and Ryan jumped out of the car and grabbed their frisky puppy, Bea. Bob helped them haul in their luggage while we exchanged hugs on the porch. “Hey Beautiful Girl," I whispered, “It’s so good to have you home.”  Exhausted after their seven hour drive from Missouri, we plopped down on the living room couch to relax. 

Grandsons, Teddy and Gus arrived bright eyed and ready to go with mom and dad in tow. Had they grown another inch? I wondered. Moriah swept in with her cat, Desmond, and the mischief level in the house rose exponentially.  Caleb and Ashia were the last to arrive from Minnesota. We wrapped them in warm hugs.  Forrest and Keziah had a short three hour drive. They schlepped baskets of laundry and bright smiles.

I soaked in the goodness as I surveyed the room. Our kids were all home together, and it was the sweetest feeling: a mixture of nostalgia and pride. They’re all grown. Our work is done and now we connect as friends and peers. Sometimes I’m shocked we’re at this stage already. Wild, busy children gave way to real adults. The transformation is stunning.

“When are you going to buy a sectional mom?” Moriah quips! Every single time the kids come home that’s what they ask.  Sheesh! Yes, our living room is a little cozy for 13 people, but I don’t even care. “Get over it,” I winked, secretly hoping we can get a sectional one day. 

A Stress Free Holiday

How do we manage a household of adult kids who have differing views and perspectives? How do we handle difficult conversations with grace and truly enjoy our time together? How do we make room for apologies and tenderness when tensions rise? How do we handle schedules and meal prep so mom isn’t exhausted?

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Managing Holiday Expectations with Adult Children: Tips for a Joyful Holiday Season

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Managing Holiday Expectations with Adult Children: Tips for a Joyful Holiday Season

 “Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth.” - 1 Timothy 6:6


Longing for Christmas Past

Angela riffled through the familiar Christmas boxes, as she quietly set up the tree. Memories of Christmases past swirled through her mind. Christmas morning arrived with bleary eyed kids awake early, while gooey cinnamon rolls baked in the oven. The smell of cinnamon and a fresh brewed pot of coffee wafted through the home. The three eager kids were lined up on the couch, in their matching Christmas jammies, waiting for them to doll out their presents. “Which one did Santa bring?” the youngest exclaimed as Angela and her hubby shared a knowing glance.

Hours were spent on the floor playing with their new toys, while discarded Christmas wrapping and bows floated around the room. Lego sets were carefully organized at the table as little boys built their new creations. They could barely pull the kids away from their new treasures to enjoy a little Christmas breakfast. 

“I wonder what Christmas will be like this year?” Angela thought. I wish we could go back to those simple days when all the kids were at home. We had them all to ourselves. It was so easy. We didn’t have to share with in-laws. I wish we could just keep it all the same forever. I feel sad that those days are gone.  


A Season to Adapt

We long to cling to the good ole days when our kids were young and we knew exactly what to expect. It was easier. We weren’t required to adapt. We wouldn’t be disappointed. We understand this tension of longing for the past but realize we must adapt for the good of the whole.

 This is a new season with our adult children and holding on to old expectations is the surest way to ruin the holiday season for our whole family. We have a gracious God who willingly supports us as we learn new ways.

Let's define expectations so we’re all on the same page.  According to Collins Dictionary, a person's expectations are strong beliefs they have about the proper way someone should behave or something should happen.

For moms, a lot of expectations center around how we believe the holidays should look for our families. When our kids don’t meet those expectations it causes tension.Disappointment bubbles up, resentment brews.

Do you have expectations of what the holiday season should look like? Are you crushed when your expectations aren’t met by your grown kids? What if there were a better way for us to enjoy the holiday season with our growing families?

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Why It's Important to Pray for Your Adult Child

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Why It's Important to Pray for Your Adult Child

The Invitation to Pray

Have you ever had a directive straight from heaven? I heard the Spirit whisper clearly one day, “If you don’t pray for your adult children, who will?”

The impact of that question rattled around in my heart and head. Aside from their grandma, who was praying for our adult children? Besides their dad and I, who was interceding on their behalf? Maybe someone from church? Maybe their pastor? Maybe a few friends or their in-laws? The list seemed quite short in my estimation.

The significance of my “yes” to pray seemed magnified. “Challenge accepted, Holy Spirit!” I whispered.

We often feel unsettled when kids grow up and leave. We see them less often, and we have diminished impact over their choices. They have free will. They get to make their own path. This is God’s will for humanity. God wants our kids to choose Him but He will not force His hand. Instead He lovingly calls them to His heart.

We need to remember we still have influence through our prayers.

It’s a privilege to pray for our adult kids as they navigate relationships, health trials, young marriage, career choices, parenting “littles”, cultural wars, and what they believe about God.

Prayer is one thing we can do for our adult children. It’s an honor and privilege to intercede on their behalf. Prayer is the tool we use to surrender our wishes, and hold fast to the promises of God. Momma, you know how we are as moms. We think we know best and when life with our child doesn’t go how we think it should, we get a little upset. We question God’s goodness, we doubt His presence, and we feel abandoned. 

Prayer is the tool we use to reorient our hearts to God.

Stormie Omartian said it best in her book, The Power of Praying for Your Adult Children, “Prayer is not telling God what to do. Prayer is partnering with God to see that His will is done.”

More than anything I want God’s will done in my children’s lives. Even the ones who doubt He is real or feel hurt by the church. My continual prayer is they would have a fresh revelation of His great love for them.

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Four Great Reasons Moms Can Connect with God

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Four Great Reasons Moms Can Connect with God

“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.” - John 15:5 NL

Connecting with God


The sun bursts forth as my hubby and I head out for our early morning prayer walk. There’s something powerful about talking to God about our adult kids. Our five offspring are all out of college, four are married, and they are all pursuing careers they enjoy, and yet they all have struggles. Just like any family, ours deals with financial stressors, physical pain, sickness, mental health, relational strife, cultural wars, parenting issues, and managing adulthood well. This is all part of being human. Our kids will always have stressors, but we must respond with faith.

Moms have two options: worry relentlessly about our kids, or pray for them, releasing it all to God, allowing Him to have His way in their lives. As we stroll each morning, we lift our kids to God. He certainly knows what they need more than we. Each prayer is an act of surrender and a way to restore peace to us. Most of the stressors belong to our adult kids. They need to figure them out. We are here to love and support as they navigate adulthood with their own resources. 

My husband and I know that apart from God we are nothing. With God all things are possible. What a privilege to rely on Him as we release our adult kids to His capable hands. Blessed assurance rises in our souls as we pray.

How about you? 

Have you leaned into your relationship with God even more now that you’ve gently released your child into adulthood?  I often hear moms say, “I need God now more than ever before. It was so much easier when my kids were young.”

We want to cling, hold fast to old routines and familiar patterns and all the while God says, “Let them go and cling to Me. Everything you need, I have provided. I’m here. I’m for you. Move a little closer and let me show you I’m trustworthy.”

God waits for the weary, worried mom’s arrival. He’s ready to assist her as she pours out her anguish and fears and then remembers who He is to her.

Jesus uses the teaching from the vineyard to show us what it means to have a living breathing relationship with God, where we cultivate our union and bear fruit because of our connection with God.  “Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.” - John 15:5 NLT

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This is the Right Way to Set Strong Boundaries

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This is the Right Way to Set Strong Boundaries

Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon. - Philippians 4:5 NLT

There is a right and a wrong way to set boundaries. The goal of boundary setting is to help everyone understand who is responsible for what. 

Never start a conversation about boundaries with this phrase,”This is my boundary…!” It is the surest way to offend your adult child because we sound demanding. Implementing boundaries is positive and helpful.

Setting Boundaries is not:

  • control

  • anger

  • rudeness

  • gas lighting

  • manipulation

  • selfish

Remember, the reason for your boundary. It’s so you won’t become burnt out or overwhelmed and so your adult child becomes responsible for themselves. Boundaries aid in understanding your capacity and limits. They’re a tool to foster healthy interdependent relationships with your adult children, but there is a right way to set them. 

First off, we have to establish what we need in the way of boundaries with our adult children. Boundaries are for you and about what you need in a relationship.

There are several types of boundaries:

  • Physical-has to do with personal space and privacy.

  • Emotional-what you will and won’t provide emotionally for your child

  • Financial-focuses on money and how you will or won’t help your adult child financially

  • Intellectual-encompass beliefs and ideas and the respect of your differences.

A boundary only becomes a limit when you have evaluated what you need, communicated with your child about it, then held said boundary. You must do all three parts otherwise it’s just wishful thinking. 

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4 Spectacular Reasons Boundaries Are Valuable

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4 Spectacular Reasons Boundaries Are Valuable

“Just say a simple, ‘Yes, I will,’ or ‘No, I won’t.’ Anything beyond this is from the evil one.” Matthew‬ ‭5‬:‭37‬ ‭NLT
Heavy Burdens

I listened to Jenny (not her real name) talk about her 30 year old daughter. Compassion oozed from her eyes but so did weariness. “My daughter’s really struggling now, and she needs me so I spend a lot of time listening to her. I spent a couple hours on the phone with her last night,” she said. “How did that make you feel?" I asked. She glanced down and with a sad sigh, said. “I’m exhausted. I can’t do it anymore. It wears me out, and I can’t sleep and I obsess about how she’s doing. I have no time for myself because I spend all my time thinking about her.” 

My heart went out to her and I said, “Jenny, how would you like it to be different?” “I would love to not feel so bogged down by her troubles,” I smiled and said, “Aw, Jenny, your heart is in the right place, but let’s talk about boundaries. Are you responsible to fix everything for your daughter?” 

Jenny looked down and sheepishly said, “Probably not, but I don’t know how to stop ‘momming’.” “Goodness, Jenny,” I smiled, “I want you to know that you actually have permission to stop ‘momming’ the way you always did, now that your kids are independent adults.” Relief flooded her expression and she said, “Please show me how.”

How about you? Have you ever felt emotionally overwhelmed by your adult child’s issues, stuck knowing what to do with it? What if there were a way to support your child, without losing yourself completely? 


What is a Boundary?

Mental health professionals use the term boundaries. According to TherapistAid.com, “Boundaries are the limits and rules we set for ourselves within relationships. A person with healthy boundaries can say “no” to others when they want to, but they are also comfortable opening themselves up to intimacy and close relationships.”

Boundaries help us understand what we’re responsible for and what others are responsible for. Imagine a boundary as a fence, with a gate that you can open and close. It’s not rigid; there’s flexibility for movement. But that fence helps us know we’re responsible for our part of the property and other people are responsible for the other side of the barrier. 

Boundaries are about telling our adult children what we need. For example, in the story above, Jenny could lovingly say, “I’m here to support you, but I don’t have the capacity for two hour conversations after my work day. I’m free to listen for 30 minutes on Thursdays. What can you do to carry your own emotional load?”

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Do's & Don'ts of Launching Your Child

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Do's & Don'ts of Launching Your Child

“May God give you more and more mercy, peace, and love.”-Jude 1:2 NLT

Move in Day

The August sun beat down as we unloaded our overpacked cars and schlepped items up to the third floor of her dorm. We passed sweaty students, as eager parents made sense of the small spaces. Our youngest daughter, Keziah was bright with excitement as we unpacked boxes and got her closet arranged just right. Her dad lugged the refrigerator up three flights and lofted the bed. We were thankful for a breeze through her window.

We gobbled some Chick Fil-A, made a Target run, then one last sweep of her room. We didn’t want to stay too long or do too much for her.  She plopped down on her cute futon under the lofted bed with the matching comforter and fluffy throw pillows. She looked content in her space, with little plants speckled about the room. She seemed ready. This was our cue to head home.

Why did she seem so assured and confident? This one was fiercely independent. All I could think of was I wouldn’t see her sweet face every day.  A lump formed in my throat as we said our goodbyes. Soft tears rolled down our cheeks. I think she cried for us more than herself. We knew this young woman would prosper in every way. 

The three hour ride home was quiet for my hubby and I. The familiar sadness of separation logged in the pit of my stomach.  All I could think about was how fast those eighteen years with her went. After 30 years of parenting our five kids, the nest was empty. Though I had made this transition five times, it never got easier for me. 

Transitions

When we launch our children to college, the military, or a job in a new city, it is one of the biggest transitions we will make as moms. It’s a mixed bag of jubilation and sorrow, excitement, and dread. We know what we must face once we return home to an empty bedroom.

We will miss their adorable faces and everyday interactions. We will long for the pile of dirty dishes in their rooms, and the friends they brought home. We’ll miss their voice and plopping down on their beds to chat. They’re absence changes the family dynamic, and that’s an adjustment too.  

Many questions fill our thoughts: Will they make friends?  Will they be lonely or homesick? Will they be responsible? Will they continue to love God? Will they be safe?

This is the season where we let go of our kids and cling to God. 

We understand the assignment.

We recognize everything has changed, but we are not left alone to figure it out. 

God lavishes mercy, peace, and love on us. He’s tender with us. He understands our heartache and He equips us to do things differently. As we are infused with love and peace, we are able to relate to our emerging adults in a fresh way.

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